Fifty Shades in Fifty Ways
by PerhapsPerhapsPerhaps
Summary: Ok, you guys have spoken... Fifty ways will be a full length story... I am really glad you guys are enjoying my take on FSOG! Same Ana, Same Christian...Same Red Room... A what if story... What if life took them both in a different direction, and Kate never got the flu... What if fate had a different path in mind...
1. Chapter 1

I was a week into my new job in the marketing department at Grey Enterprises. I was working as an admin, (focus on the past tense) at SIP Publishing, but my boss Jack Hyde, well he had hands that he couldn't keep to himself and I had knees that couldn't help but make contact with his groin. Turns out the "business trip" to New York was more about getting in my pants, then anything else. Needless to say, we parted ways quickly, very quickly. So quickly I that I jumped on a plane on my own and flew across the country back to Seattle, leaving Jack and his blue balls to fend for themselves.

So here I was six months out of college and out of work, and after weeks and weeks and weeks of looking for something in my field; I finally had to get back to reality and find a job, any job. My roommate Kate is rich, stinking rich. So not having my share of the rent was never a big deal but I had loans to pay, and I couldn't live off the immense kindness of my friends or my dwindling savings forever.

After weeks of offering, I finally gave in and Kate's father called in a favor. I had a job the next day, the caveat, it was not in my field nor was I qualified. But a job is a job and as my father always says you can't look a gift horse in the mouth. I was a quick study, I graduated in the top of my class, I could do this until something better came along.

So here I was my first week in, bored off my mind trapped in a cubicle, training with my new manager, Carla. She was an older woman, in her late forties, but she was a tall cool blonde, with razor sharp suits and sky high heels, she was one of those woman who floated when she walked. I was to be her assistant, answering calls, keeping her calendar, putting together marketing materials for an up coming Grey Enterprises charity event. Basically grunt work, but it was the same kind of thing I did for Hyde, only I didn't feel like Carla was undressing me with a dark brown, heavily lined eyes.

I didn't fit in here at Grey Enterprises. Everyone was so perfect and put together, even the interns had a better wardrobe then I did. I stuck out like a sore Filene's Basement thumb. Sure, I had borrowed a few things from Kate but I couldn't wear her plum dress everyday. She had given me access to the entirety of her wardrobe, but I couldn't bring myself to indulge in her kindness. The balance of our friendship always teetered on her side, and I never wanted her to feel used but her less fortunate friend.

I made a mental note to head to Marshalls over the weekend and see if I could find some good deals on some much needed basics. Not that a thirty dollar sweater would help me fit in, I was beyond that. Hell even a three hundred dollar sweater wouldn't help matters. Everyone carried a designer bag, wore the latest designer shoes. They talked about the places they went on vacation (Aspen, Tahoe, some island with the word Saint in front of it) or what swanky club or restaurant they went to on the weekend (Pulse and Maison Gris were the most popular). I spent my weekend, curled up with a cup of hot weak tea and Wuthering Heights.

So while I didn't hate my job at Grey Enterprises, it didn't inspire me, it wouldn't earn me any lasting friendships and it wouldn't land me my dream job. I took it for what it was, a much needed paycheck.

I had become a consummate clock watcher, always knowing then the clock struck one; lunch time was my refuge, the oasis in the desert of corporate doldrums. The much needed hour to myself. I found the atrium on the fifty sixth floor; a huge glass room overlooking the lush city, rainy stormy skies, and it was the one place in the building where I could be alone. I wasn't sure if it was because no one knew of its existence or because everyone went out for lunch. I didn't really care, I was just grateful for my secret place. I slipped off my shoes and curled up on one of the square modern black leather chairs, I had turned it slightly so that I could get the best view and for a few moments I watched the clouds change. The deep gray ominous one be replaced with lighter sun dappled tufts of white and yellow and blue.

I finally pulled out my salad I made from last nights dinner leftovers,( roasted chicken and sweet oven dried tomatoes) and a bottle of water. In a few minutes I was engrossed in the life and times of Heathcliff and Catherine. Only when I was I lost in their world was I able to breathe a sigh of relief in mine. While I loved to read about them, I never understood a love so complex, so consuming. A fire that burned destroying all that surrounded it. I didn't understand love on any level really. My parents, couldn't make it work. My mother married time and time again looking for something to last. Kate went through boys the way she did Vogue magazines, on a monthly basis. Her brother Ethan was even worse, to him women were more like Newsweek. Love seemed like a far off ideal, something that only existed between pages of a book or on the silver screen. In the reality of the world, I was not so sure.

The hour always went so quickly, my salad sat there dejected on the small glass table beside me when I heard a man clear his throat, breaking my attention, making my heart skip a beat. I turned my head slightly and slowly brought my eyes up, my breath hitched as they locked with his and my heart stopped all together.

He was tall, very tall and lean, his dark grey flannel suit perfectly tailored to the span of his shoulders, hugging every muscle. His white linen shirt, perfectly pressed and his pale grey silk tie matched his unreadable eyes perfectly. His rich copper hair sparkled under the lights, dazzling me. I was dazzled and I was not the kind of girl that dazzled easily.

"There are starving children that would kill for that salad." He crossed his arms against his chest and a small smile formed in the corner of his mouth.

"Uh… I will get to it eventually." I looked at the salad, sitting there abandoned and untouched, sinking in shame.

"You're new here." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. I lightly nodded my head, feeling nervous under his stare. This strange feeling began to take root in my chest, as my heart started to beat once again.

"I work in marketing." I was bareley able to get the words out, the longer he looked at me. The more I felt like it knew what I was thinking, like he was capable of reading my mind.

"Ah, I see marketing. That's on the fortieth floor. How did you find this place?" His eyes wandered around the room, finally breaking from mine, Giving me a much needed break to compose myself. I took a deep breath, and then another. What was happening right now…

"Oh, well a friend of mine interviewed the owner months ago. She got a tour and said this was the crown jewel of the building." He nodded in agreement and smiled, settling his eyes back on mine.

"She interviewed the owner?"

"Yes, Christian Grey."

"Ahhh, of course. And you have never met him? Christian Grey?" I had heard about him, the girls and some of the less then straight guys loved to gossip about the hot single billionaire. How they always hoped to run into him, in the hallway or on the elevator. How he was quiet and demanding, how he was always on his own. The rumors swirling. I had not an ounce of interest in that kind of man, rich and powerful. I had met a few through Kate's family and they always seemed so unhappy, despite all their wealth and blessings.

"Nope. Never." I looked at my watch, my lunch our was coming to a close and Carla did not stand for lateness. "Well, my time is up. Got to get back to the grind." I stood up quickly with too much adrenaline from this small encounter, I slipped my shoes back on, stumbling. I was known far and wide for my grace or should I say the lack there of. His hands came around my waist, and I felt it immediately. This strange heat burning inside of me, his body close to mine. I could feel the burn in my cheeks, the flush in my chest. My heartbeat quickening. His eyes bore into me, again I felt like he could read my mind. Every thought like words on paper. There was this second, where I thought he might kiss me, this look in his eye as he leaned in. He closed his eyes and then opened them again and the moment was gone.

"Uh, thanks." I whispered, my mouth dry licking my lips.

"It was my pleasure Miss…" His voice was a soft growl and it stirred something deep inside of me. My inner goddess was awakened, from a long deep slumber.

"Steele, Ana Steele." He finally released me and I stood up straight, still unsteady on my feet. I quickly collected my book and uneaten salad and turned to walk away. I could feel his eyes on me with every step. I turned around slowly. "I didn't catch your name. Mr.…" He opened his mouth to speak and then paused for a moment giving me this strange look.

"Chris, my name is Chris." He smiled as he said it, his perfect teeth blinding me.

"Well, thanks again Chris. It was nice to meet you." I flashed him a quick smile and made my way to the elevator, sinking in the corner, against the stainless steels bars; trying to collect not only my nerves but my hormones, telling my inner goddess to shut the fuck up.

* * *

It was Friday, the day was finally over and I was ready for the weekend. My first week at Grey Enterprises on the books, and god only knows how many more I would have to endure. I didn't want to seem ungrateful, I was happy to work. Happy to earn a paycheck. But when I think about how many positions I turned down to take the job at SIP, it makes my stomach turn. I called everyone of them only to find that Jack had black listed me. Telling everyone that I was unstable and a horrible assistant.

I walked out of The Grey offices, and got into my inner sanctum. My beetle. She was on her last legs, I had replaced every bit and piece of her, but I just couldn't let go. Every time I put the key in the ignition I said a little prayer that she would start. There were some cold Washington mornings, that she would start to purr and I was convinced it was divine intervention.

Kate and Jose were taking me out tonight to "celebrate" my new job. I wasn't much of a drinker, but after doing the same thing five hundred times this week I deserved a drink or three.

"Honey I am home!" Kate bounded thru the front door of our apartment. Well it's actually her apartment, her father bought it for her and we pay him "rent" to learn responsibility and the importance of paying things on time. "Are you ready to go get a buzz on?"

"I just need a minute." I was in my bedroom, changing in to jeans, and ballet flats. Heals plus Ana plus drinking equals disaster and skinned knees. She appeared in my door, and I was always taken aback by how amazing she always looked. Her low slung black skinny jeans and white button down shirt that was just tucked in the front, the four inch suede heeled booties and a black and gold Hermes belt. She always looked pulled together and expensive, but never in a showy look at what I have way. Kate wore the clothes the clothes did not wear her.

"Jose is already at the bar, let's get a move on Steele." She popped her head into my room, looked me up and down and frowned when she got to my feet. "Ana, put some heels on. You never know who you are going to meet tonight."

"Uh, no. I already stumbled once today thank you very much." Into the arms of mystery man Chris. My inner goddess yelled over, sitting poolside reading Cosmo.

Kate and I walked arm and arm up the street to what we called "our" bar. It was a small neighborhood place that had great wings and fifteen beers on tap. They knew us by name when we walked in; they also knew I liked my drinks weak with lots of ice. Like I said, not much of a drinker.

"There you guys are." Jose was sitting in our booth and stood when he saw us. Jose had become a complicated friendship since my graduation. I saw him as a brother but he saw me as something more. He tried to kiss me once, the night I graduated and I warded off his advances the best I could, by throwing up on his shoes. I was not lying when I said I couldn't hold my liquor.

The last few months I tried to steer him away, I even set him up once or twice but I could still feel his crush radiating off of him every time we hung out, which was often now that he dropped out of school. His art show in Portland was a huge success and he was pursuing it full time now, with a small grant from a buyer who loved his work. I was hoping that his crush would fade or he would find someone new before it effected our friendship. Our fathers were close friends, and for that we would always be in one another's lives, like family.

"Hi Jose!" Kate chirped up giving him a quick hug. I followed suit, I ignored the fact that our hug lingered a bit longer and we all slid back into the booth.

"So, how was your first week?" Jose took a long sip off his chocolate colored pint as he waved the waitress over.

"It was fine, I mean good. The place in really nice and the people well, there fine. I like it." I was a horrible liar, everything read across my face.

"You are so full of shit Steele, we all know you hate it. But no worries you will find another job soon. This is just a paycheck for now." Kate gave me a smile and patted my hand, she said it with such confidence, the confidence of a girl who always got what she wanted. A confidence I never would have, but admired.

The waitress appeared and Kate ordered for the both of us. A Vodka cranberry for me and Merlot for her, along with a plate of wings, an order of cheese fries and gravy. With our bellies full of crap and our third round I was feeling relaxed and happy.

"So I met a guy today." I blurted it out without thinking. My mind had been on Chris all night. His eyes mostly, this deep coal grey, with a hint of steely blue on the edges. In my life I have never responded to a man the way I responded to him. It was like every fiber of my being was attaching to his. And some how that feeling made me feel silly and stupid. He was older, by at least ten years, he was probably married and had a family. Although I didn't notice a ring, but some men didn't wear them. But a man like that didn't stay single for long. He was cut from the same cloth as Kate; He exuded money, power, strength. From the way he looked to the clothes he wore, they way he smelled. Everything about him was expensive, but it wasn't off putting. Again he wore the suit, the suit didn't wear him.

Kate let out a bone crushing , crystal glass breaking squeal and Jose looked slightly pissed. I was wishing I would have kept my mouth shut. Reason number three hundred and fifty four why Ana Steele shouldn't drink.

"Tell me tell me!" Kate put both of her hands on my shoulders and shook me with fury.

"Uh, well his name is Chris, he works in my building. I met him in the atrium you told me about." Kate beamed with pride from her suggestion, knocking her elbow into my arm.

"See I told ya that place was magic!"

"Anyway, it was just nice to talk to someone, he was really nice."

"So are you going to see him, you know again?" Jose asked me looking over his beer, unable to hide the worry in his voice.

"Uh, I guess not, I mean maybe." I shrugged my shoulders and took the last sip of my drink. "I think I am done guys, one more and you are going to have to carry me home."

* * *

Monday Came too quickly, and I dragged my ass out of bed. Hating on Jack Hyde. If not for him I would be working towards my dream job, making a place for myself in the world of publishing. Sure I was just his lowly assistant, but at least it was a start. All the crap, all the suggestions, all the eye fucking I had endured working for him and I didn't even have a reference. I could still hear his words in my head, his body pressing me against the hotel bed. His hot scotch laced breath on my face. I shuddered at the memory and pushed it from my head, shifting my focus to getting dressed for work.

I had gone shopping on Sunday and had managed to find a few things that looked much more expensive then they were (a gift I thankfully inherited from my mother, who was also named Carla).

A black pencil skirt, a red cardigan sweater, a grey silk shirt that reminded me of Chris's tie (the only reason I would spend ninety bucks on a shirt), a black fitted jacket, a new pair of jeans that made my butt look nice, and a crisp white shirt. That mixed with a few things I already had and some of the stuff from Kate's closet and I could maybe look the part.

Kate even loaned me one of her Michael Kors bags, I hesitated to take it, in case I ruined it but I finally give in. It was just too damn pretty. Black leather, gold chain and gold grommet details. There is only so much a poor girl can resist.

I wore the pencil skirt, the grey silk shirt and Kate's knee high black leather flat boots. She never worse flats, I think she bough them because I mentioned that I liked them, so she could "pass them on" to me later. I spent a few extra minutes on my hair and makeup and got in my VW Beetle with a new sense of purpose. I didn't want to admit it but Chris was that purpose.

I watched the clock until one, waiting for lunch to come, needing it to come. I grabbed my paper sack out of the community fridge and a bottle of water and made my way upstairs. My heart was racing, wondering if he would happen by again today. I took my usual seat, it was sunny today and the room was hotter then usual. I opened my bag and pulled out my PB&J. To distracted to read my book I took a bite, chewing slowly.

"Ahhh, she eats…" I smiled when I saw him, my body was ringing, humming, singing. He showed up. I wasn't sure if he would but he did. My inner goddess, pulled out her pom poms and did a little cheer. Go Ana, Chris came to see you Go, Ana!

"I eat… when I am hungry I eat." I scowled and took another bite just to prove my point. He sat across from me, he carried his body with such ease and grace as he crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair, unbuttoning his suit jacket.

"Did you have a good weekend Ana?" He propped his elbow on the arm of the chair, his chin in his hand. Fingers splayed across his lower lip. I literally had to fight this pressing urge to reach out and touch him.

"Uh… what…yeah…Yes, I did. I did some shopping." I was flustered by my own thoughts. "I cooked a little and I had drinks with Kate and Jose." He raised his eyebrows and I wished I had the ability to read minds. Wondering what was in that head of his.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"Jose?" Chris nodded. "Uh, no just a friend, like a brother."

"A brother… so you don't have a boyfriend then?" Normally a question like that would have seemed like an intrusion but it kind of made me happy that he cared to know if I was single or not.

"No, do you have a girlfriend, a wife?" He chuckled at the word wife.

"No Ana, I don't do the girlfriend thing." He looked at me intently, I guess looking for my reaction. I could tell I was frowning and that my brow was furrowed. I was suddenly nervous and slightly disappointed. My biggest fear was that he had a wife. He didn't do the girlfriend thing… that could only mean one thing.

"Oh, gay?" I blurted it out before I could think, my cheeks burning bright fire engine red, bells ringing in my ear.

"No Ana, I am not gay." he smirked, and then he pointed to my sandwich. "Eat."

I was grateful for the reason not to speak and I took a third bite, bigger then I normally would giving me more time to chew.

"So, how did you come to work here at Grey?" I took a sip of water, the peanut butter sticking to the roof of my mouth.

"Well, I was working somewhere else, and it didn't work out. I left and applied here."

"Where were you working?"

"SIP. It's a small publishing house."

"Yes, I am aware. Why didn't it work out?" I took a moment deciding if I should lie or not. It wasn't my proudest moment, my dress torn, my lipstick smudged, kicking Jack Hyde in the balls, hightailing it out of NYC.

"Well, my boss had some issues…" Chris raised his eyebrows and leaned in towards me.

"Issues with what exactly?" His voice was a controlled growl, like he knew what I was going to say before I said it. Again, I was certain her could read my mind.

"Keeping his hands and other parts of his anatomy to himself." I barely got the words out, I still wondered if it was somehow my fault, that I gave Jack the wrong impression. I spent many hours trying to figure out what I had done or what I had missed. But realizing after much concentrated effort, that I had done nothing but my job. I didn't flirt, or coo, I didn't lead him on in anyway. I could see Chris's body change, anger taking over his face, his eyes on fire.

"I see." His hands clenched the arms of the chair, and I felt the need to change the subject quickly.

"So I left abruptly…Anyway, my friend Kate, her dad knew someone here and called in a favor. I needed a paycheck so here I am. What about you?" His blinked quickly, snapping him out of whatever he was thinking.

"I am in mergers and acquisitions. What was his name?"

"Who's name, my friends father?"

"No. Your boss at SIP?"

"Hyde, Jack Hyde." I hated saying his name out loud, and Chris sat there for a moment, looking at me intently. I finished half of my sandwich, and took a long sip of water, doing my best to ignore the awkward silence between us. "Uh, would you like the other half, I am full." I held out the wax paper wrapped package and he smiled broadly. He reached out taking it from me and his hand grazed mine. It happened again, that feeling that somehow we were connected. Like on a cellular level, I felt myself attaching to him and him to me. I looked into his eyes and I knew he could feel it too.

"Peanut butter and jelly?" I nodded, my eyes wide locked with his. "My favorite." He took a bite and I was never so jealous of a sandwich in all of my life.

"Mine too."

"I am going away for a few days Ana but I would like to see you again. Do you have plans for Friday?" he said it so matter of fact, with no preamble or warning. My mouth went dry, my hands started to sweat. He was asking me out on a date, wait it was a date right?

"You mean like a date." Chris chuckled, and shook his head scolding me.

"Yes Ana, a date."

"I would like that Chris."

"Excellent. I will be back in the office on Friday. Why don't I meet you out front, by the security desk at five thirty."

* * *

A week never went slow, it was the longest four days of my life. Work dragged on and on, answering phone calls, collating folders, putting together promotional packages. The only thing I accomplished for the week was three paper cuts and a migraine.

I had changed five times that morning, the nerves about my impending date with Chris had me on edge. Kate was thrilled that I had a date, a real date. She kept saying that I was in the final days of a long dry spell. It was true, I had not been on a single date in almost two years. I had sworn them off after a particularly awful blind date with a college friend of Ethan's, Kate's older brother. The date started with me paying for everything, including gas for his car and ended with him drunk in a parking lot, and me in a cab home. After that I was done with guys. It seem like more trouble then it was worth.

"I think you should borrow my new black dress Ana, and then wear that red sweater you bought last week. A sexy secretary thing. We can put your hair up in like a twist. You will look so hot Chris from mergers and acquisitions wont know what to do with himself." The dress was perfect, black v-neck, small peplum. It hugged my curves like it was made for me. I swooned when Kate bought it a Bergdorf the month before.

"Kate, it still has the tags."

"So what, I insist that you wear it. It's a date Ana, with a man. Not some dip shit. You should look and feel amazing tonight. And you need to wear black pumps." I opened my mouth to object, but she raised her hand silencing me. "This is non negotiable Anastasia." I knew better then to argue with Kate. She was used to having her way and who was I to buck twenty two years of tradition.

An hour later I was sitting in my desk. My supervisor Carla had left a stack of leaflets on my desk, fresh from the printer. I glanced over it, it was the monthly news letter outlining the company on goings. New hires, events, all the usual company fodder. I flipped it over and for a second I didn't know what I was looking at. I mean, it was shocking. I was shocked, you could have knocked me over with a feather. It was Chris, holding one of those huge checks, donating a million dollars to a Big Brother/Big Sisters out reach program. I froze as I read on. Grey Enterprises CEO Christian Grey, presenting check to BB/BS president Arnie Wilson. I blinked and then read it again and then once more for good measure. Chris, my Chris was Christian fucking Grey!

I felt unbelievably stupid, my blood boiling. He must think I am an idiot and he was right to think that. I was an idiot. His words ringing in my head. "I don't do girlfriends…"

He was just like Jack Hyde, another boss using his influence and power, lying to try and get me into bed. Well that was not happening. No day, no way. I stood up from my desk, straightened my dress, uh Kate's dress and stomped my way to the elevator. I rode it all the way to the top floor, and marched up to his perfect Children of the Corn blonde secretary.

"Could you please tell Mr. Grey that Ana Steele is here to see him and that it is urgent." I did my best to control my seething. She looked at me like I had two heads and then finally, she picked up the phone. I could see the look of shock on her face when she was told to let me in.

She walked quickly, her heels clicking on the cold marble floors. I could feel her attitude with each and every step. She pushed the large door open, and extended her hand allowing me access. As soon as I crossed the thresh hold all of my bravado, escaped from my body like air from an untied balloon. The office was tremendous, large floor to ceiling windows, his large desk somehow managed to dominate the room. He was sitting behind it, brow furrowed. Looking amazing and sexy and all the thoughts I had had about him this week kept flooding back to me at once.

"Well… Hello Ana." His voice was neutral, not giving anything away. But I could see a twinge of concern in his eye, his own bravado slightly shaken.

"Hello Chris-TAIN!"

"So you put it together, I see."

"Yeah, I did. I was a little late to the party but you know how it goes." I crossed my arms across my chest, as he stood and made his way towards me as the first line of defense from his, well from his everything. Even as pissed as I was, it was hard not to be an awe and wonder just looking at him.

"Ana, I assure you it was not my intention to mislead you…"I put my hand up, silencing him.

"Is that so… because I feel very mislead Mr. Grey."

"I only meant to misdirect you briefly, I fully intended to tell you who I was at dinner tonight. It was just nice for a minute, you not knowing."

"You know what else is nice, honesty. Honesty is really nice."

"I didn't lie Ana, I just omitted."

"Well, I am going to omit having plans for dinner tonight." My comeback made much more sense in my head, out loud it sounded still and petty. He smiled, and I could tell he wanted to laugh which only fueled my anger. "You have some nerve, leading me to believe one thing and then being something else entirely. If I would have known who you were I never in a million years would have agreed to go out with you." He was silent for a moment, and lowered his head to mine.

"Yes, I know. That is why I omitted that information. I like you Ana, very very much and I think you like me as well. I could tell that someone like you would be put off by my wealth…"

"Why because I don't look like all the drones that work here. I know I don't fit it Chris…uh… Mr. Grey. I get it. I have four hundred dollars in my saving account and most of my stuff is bought on sale. I bring my lunch to work in a brown bag and I have never been to… Aspen! I see how you would think I was just a silly and stupid girl that you could have your fun with. And maybe I would be dazzled by a little money long enough for you to get me into bed. Let me assure you that would not have happened." I was on a roll and he just stood there looking at me. "This is not my first time in the boss hits on me rodeo, I assure you. I have been down this road and I know where it leads. It's a good thing I don't plan to work here for long. Now if you would please excuse me I have envelopes to stuff."

I turned on my pump to leave, wobbling slightly. I wanted to kill Kate. His hands were quickly around my waist and I tried to ignore that feeling brewing in my chest, my heart racing like I had just run a marathon.

"Ana, this conversation is NOT over." The whole demeanor of his voice changed, it was commanding. I could not have left even if I wanted to. He pulled me back towards him, my body hitting his with a thud. He tightened his grip on my waist when I tried to wiggle free. He lowered his head so his mouth was level with my ear.

"Ana, the reason I didn't tell you is because I didn't want to scare you off. I wanted to get to know you with out all the Christian Grey baggage weighing me down, weighing us down." He just said us, as in there is an us. My inner goddess sang out in a mezzo soprano.

"I can't explain it Ana but there is something about you. Maybe because you don't look and act like all the other drones… is that what you called them… I find you unbelievably appealing and yes I want to take you to bed. In fact I will take you to bed, but that is not all I am looking for, I have many many things planned for you." He splayed his hand across my belly button and spun me around, locking my eyes with his. "Ana, if you don't stop biting your lip I am going to kiss you with or without your permission."

I released my lip immediately. My mind was racing, my heart was beating out of my chest, I came here pissed and angry and now I felt flushed and aroused. I had never wanted to be kissed so much.

"Breathe Ana, breathe." His voice was soothing. I inhaled slowly, trying to steady myself; swallowing the lump in my throat.

"I can't think when you are touching me." He smiled smugly.

"Good to know Miss Steele. Good to know."


	2. Chapter 2

It was just another day in a long line of days. I woke up, worked out, showered, put on a suit and my grey tie. I went to the office, made some calls. Closed a deal that was dragging on forever, grateful it was over, ten thousand jobs hanging in the balance.

I didn't see her coming and I always see everything coming. Well at least I used to. I was going through security footage with Welsh, looking for gaps. Bouncing around all the extra security cameras we had placed throughout the building. Trying to figure out how Leila was able to get into my office after hours undetected. It had been nearly two months and he nor I couldn't figure it out and I wasn't like I could just go and ask her. We had spent hour after hour for weeks, making sure a breech like that couldn't happen again.

"Mr. Grey, I really believe that she got in during the day in a crowd and hid until after hours. That is the only logical explanation." He sat there, eyes fixed on the screen.

"If that the case then why couldn't your men find her on any of the lobby footage from that day? No Welsh. She got in through the service entrance, of that I am certain but how she got all the way up here and not be caught on camera. That is the thing that keeps me up at night. If a deranged woman can do it…"

"Then anyone can. Oh sir, lets keep looking." We had added cameras, to all the service entrances, at every elevator on each floor, in the back hallways that were never used for anything but fire drills and deliveries. The freight elevators, the kitchens and cafeterias the laundry rooms, and even the sitting rooms of the gym. Anyplace there wasn't a camera there was now. I hired ten more guards on each shift to keep up with the new footage. Now Welsh and I went to task and finding what the cameras couldn't see and no one knew my building better then I did.

I saw her sitting in the atrium, legs curled up on one of the chairs, reading. Even in the grainy black and white film she glowed. She twisted her long dark hair around her finger, fully engaged in what ever she was reading, biting on her lower lip. It was like a sirens call, drawing me towards her. I was powerless with want for her.

"I think that is enough for today Welsh. See what else you can find. I expect a report when I get back from California on Friday." He nodded as he collected his things and made his way out the door. I exhaled loudly, grateful to be alone for a moment. Ever since Leila, I had not been sleeping. The nightmares growing more and more intense with each passing night; without my usual outlet for my angst and energy I felt trapped by it. I lifted my jacket off the back of my chair and put it on in one motion. I made my way to the atrium, knowing I was about to start something I had no business starting.

* * *

She was still there, perched in her chair, reading… ahhh of course Wuthering Heights. Being close to her I could feel this surge pumping through me, unlike anything I had ever experienced before. My muscles tightened, my cock hardened.

"There are starving children that would kill for that salad." Not the best opening line, I know but effective none the less.

"Uh… I will get to it eventually." I looked at the salad and then at me. Her deep blue eyes making me her meal. I could tell she felt the attraction to, her face was an open book. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, the small lean body, delicate hands, her skin was soft and pale. I could almost feel it under my hands, watching it redden from my unkind touch. I clenched my fists.

"You're new here."

"I work in marketing."

"Ah, I see marketing. That's on the fortieth floor. How did you find this place?"

"Oh, well a friend of mine interviewed the owner months ago. She got a tour and said this was the crown jewel of the building." Interview, Interview. Yes Kate Kavanaugh. Rich, attractive, pushy, blond, asked me if I was gay. Well she was right about one thing, this was the crown jewel of the building. I had designed it myself.

"She interviewed the owner?" I should have just revealed myself, I should have told her who I was. But I was enjoying my anonymity a little too much. Usually when I talk to a female in the office they are swooning and batting their overly mascara laden lashes at me.

"Yes, Christian Grey." I loved how my name sounded coming from her mouth. I knew in the very near future she would be screaming it as I fucked her.

"Ahhh, of course. And you have never met him? Christian Grey?"

"Nope. Well, my time is up. Got to get back to the grind."

She slipped her heels back on to her feet with such grace and then like a baby doe she wobbled. My instinct kicked in. I had my hands at her waist and it was like being hit with lightening bolt. I wanted to fuck her right there and then. I could feel myself harden at the thought and I couldn't even bother to control it. He cheeks turned bright pink, which was not helping matters. I wanted to bend her over the chair, lift her skirt…

"Uh, thanks." She interrupted my thoughts, bringing me back to reality. All these months with out a sub was taking it toll. The girls I picked up in the clubs were not the same as a real sub. Someone who I knew, someone who knew me. But even a sub had its issues and landmines. I was not sure if I could do it anymore. Despite how much I needed it.

"It was my pleasure Miss…"

"Steele, Ana Steele." Ana Steele, her name lingered in my head as she walked away. Then she turned and smiled and I knew without a doubt I would make her mine.

"I didn't catch your name. Mr…" Fuck, I don't want her to know, not yet. She is not the girl who would be impressed by all of this.

"Chris, my name is Chris."

"Well, thanks again Chris. It was nice to meet you." I watched her perfect body walk away, still feeling the energy pulsing from her body to mine. I cracked my neck, and smiled. This was going to be fun.

* * *

"So Christian how are you doing?" Flynn looked at me over his glasses.

"Not good. Not good at all." I sat back in the chair, exhausted.

"Still not sleeping?"

"No." I would get an hour or two and then wake up in a panicked sweat, only to lie awake for another hour just to calm down. On these nights I would take to my piano, and play the demons to sleep, soothing them back to the darkest corners of my mind.

"I know you don't want me to prescribe you anything but maybe you should reconsider."

"Out of the question, I will not become dependent on drugs to sleep. Why don't you do your job a little better." I was losing my patience. I had been seeing Flynn for years, he was one of the few therapists that actually did something to help me but in light of recent events I felt like maybe I needed a change. Maybe he knew me too well to be effective. Maybe it was easier talking to someone who didn't know me so well.

"Christian, first of all you would not be dependent on them, you would use them briefly to get yourself back on track and second I can only do as much as you are willing to do. If you don't want to discuss Leila's suicide then I can't help you work though it."

"What is there to talk about, she put a gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger and I had a front row seat. There is nothing more to say." The sound of her teeth knocked into the metal of the gun, her hands shaking. Then the snap of her pulling the trigger, the explosion that followed. It happened so quickly, I remember screaming out her name, but it was too late. She fell to the floor, carnage surrounding her. Her last words lingering in my head, maybe they would be forever.

"I don't agree. You said once that you felt responsible for her, why don't we talk about that."

"Well, I was her Dom, I mean this is not news Flynn. When we were together I took care of her every need and want except for the one thing she really needed… Me… she loved me and I didn't feel the same way… And then she killed herself." I crossed my arms against my chest, disgusted with myself, disgusted with my past.

"You are skipping over her marriage, her affair and the death of her lover. There were many factors leading to the day she found herself in that motel room with a gun in her mouth. Things that had nothing to do with you."

Deep down I knew he was right but he wasn't there that night. He didn't see the light gone from her eyes, the hollow shell she had become. When I was with her she was funny and creative, always humming and laughing. But in her last moments she was an empty haunted creature and I couldn't deny the part that I played in that.

"But she came to me…because I always kept her safe. Until I didn't. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I want to talk about today." I pushed the thoughts of the past out of my mind and focused on the future.

"What happened today?"

"I met someone." Ana Steele… I couldn't stop thinking about her, no matter how hard I tried.

"A new sub? I thought you were trying to stay away from that for now."

"I am and she is not sub material. At all. That is the problem." He jotted a quick note in his book and then looked at me with question in his eyes.

"What kind of material is she?"

"Girlfriend material."

"Why is that a problem?'

"Because I don't want a girlfriend."

"Maybe you do Christian, maybe you do."


	3. Chapter 3

I somehow managed to get out of his office in one piece, fully clothed. Having him so close, his breath on my neck. His words… _I find you unbelievably appealing and yes I want to take you to bed. In fact I will take you to bed, but that is not all I am looking for, I have many many things planned for you. _Floating around in my head.

How I got back to my desk I will never know. It was all a blur really, I stumbled passed the seething secretary, down the hallway to the elevator in a daze. A Christian Grey induced daze. Somehow I agreed to still meet him for dinner and I couldn't believe it as the word YES fell out of my mouth. He had this strange Jedi mind control thing happening. I was seriously out of my depth with him. I mean he basically just said he wanted to fuck me, oh and that he had plans for me. I mean who says that, it's one thing to think it. But to say it out loud, a normal person does not do that. But Christian Grey was anything but normal.

The long day ended and I was weighing my options, unable to focus on real work. Grateful for these silly envelopes I had to stuff, giving off the appearance of being busy. Maybe I should just not go. I mean, it is a bad idea to date my bosses bosses bosses boss. A very bad idea indeed. How did I get myself mixed up in something like this again. Did I learn anything from Jack Hyde! But Christian wasn't Jack, not even in the slightest. I was attracted to Christian, I wanted him to touch me, wanted him to kiss me. But just because I wanted it, didn't make it right. No, my mind was made up. I would not meet her for dinner, tonight or any other night. It would be rude to just stand him up, not a rude as he had been lying to my face but rude none the less. Maybe I should just send him an email. Yes! Good thinking Steele an email!

**From: Anastasia Steele**

**Subject: Dinner**

**Date: March 6 2013 05:22**

**To: Christian Grey**

Mr. Grey,

I have given it some thought and I think it is best that we do not see each other outside of the office.

Thank you for your consideration in the matter.

Best

Ana Steele

Administrative Assistant to Carla Monroe

Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

**From: Christian Grey**

**Subject: Dinner PLANS**

**Date: March 6 2013 05:23**

**To: Anastasia Steele**

Ana,

Unacceptable, I will collect you at your desk in five minutes.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

He will collect me, like I am some nick knack. This man was infuriating. Who did he think he was to just order me about. There was no way I was going anywhere with him. So what that I just checked my lipstick and fixed my hair, making sure the twist Kate had managed was staying in place. That didn't mean anything. Sure I had my pocket book and jacket ready, I was leaving for the day regardless if he came to collect me or not. There was no way in hell that I was going anywhere with...

"Miss Steele are you ready to go?" He walked like a cat, I didn't hear him come up behind me and the sound of his voice caused me to jump in my seat. I could feel the office go silent and I knew all eyes were on him.

"Uh, well..." I could feel all my girl power and feminism seep out of me on to the floor.

"Ana...Come..." His voice softened, and he brushed his hand across my back, why did I tell him I couldn't think when he was touching me. I stood slowly, and he helped me with my coat. We walked to the elevator with his hand on the small of my back and the whispers of the marketing department behind us.

The door closed behind and we were left to the quiet, albeit short lived solitude the elevator had to offer. I stood there, eyes straight ahead not having the strength of mind to look at him. I knew that once my eyes locked with his I would once again be in trouble.

"Did you have a good day Ana?" There was a playful tone in his voice, he knew that I was nervous and he was enjoying it.

"Yeah, I mean I did thank you. How was your day Mr. Grey." I did my best to keep my voice flat and neutral, rifling through my bag looking for the keys to my beloved Beetle.

"Stop with all this Mr. Grey nonsense. My name is Christian."

"Yes I am aware, but you see I call you Chris, which is not your name so... Mr. Grey will have to do."

"No matter, you will say my name tonight one way or the other." My head shot around just in time to catch the smug look on his face. The doors opened at the same time my mouth did, I was in shock. "Shall we Miss Steele." He stood sideways, extending his hand outward to the lobby.

"You really have no idea who you are dealing with...None." I breezed past him, not caring to see his reaction. His hand was quickly at the small of my back, leading me outside to the cold Seattle winter.

"I will take my car and follow you." I pointed over to my girl and shock and horror spread across his face.

"That is what you drive? In this weather… That is a death trap Ana. You need a new car."

"It is what I can afford, as in its paid off and I love her." He frowned, I could tell he wanted to say more but didn't.

"Well you are not driving that tonight, you will come with me and we will worry about that later. I have my limo and drive waiting."

"Uh… well…"

"Ana, I insist. Come."

* * *

His limo and driver were waiting for us, a few yards away. I walked with Christian by my side looking back at my poor Beetle, every so often. I slid into the back seat of the warm car, it was freezing tonight. My fingers and cheeks were numb. The last time I had been in a limo was for my grandfathers funeral. I hated limos for that reason alone. I slid over to the furthest point I could, crushing my body against the door. Christian slid in behind me, shaking his head when he saw how far away I had chosen to sit. We waited in silence until his driver was behind the wheel and Christian finally spoke.

"Taylor, we are going to Escala."

"Yes Sir." He pulled out on to the road and we were on our way. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach rising up into my throat.

"Is Escala a restaurant?" The idea of eating in a fancy place, gave me pause. I would stick out like a sore thumb once again. Not knowing which fork to use or whatever.

"No Ana, Escala is my apartment." I crossed my arms against my chest, the butterflies being replace with fury. My girl power making a much needed comeback.

"There is no way I am going to your apartment... alone. You really do have some nerve." I couldn't control the anger in my voice. It was like the night Jack invited me back to his hotel room for a drink and to discuss options for the next day's meeting.

"I assure you Ana. You will be perfectly safe. Taylor will be there and..."

"Yeah because being alone in apartment with two men, one of which is on your payroll, carrying a gun no less makes me feel much better."

"Fair point well made Ana... wait...How did you know Taylor was carrying a gun?" I locked eyes with Taylor in the rearview, he too was interested in how I knew.

"The bulge in his jacket, from the looks I would say a .45 right Taylor?"

"Yes, Miss Steele." I smiled in satisfaction. "My father is ex army, we have been going to the shooting range since I was a kid."

"I see." I could tell from the tone of his response that he didn't like guns, this came as a shock to me. Men like Christian usually had rooms dedicated to guns and gun collecting.

"I told you that you had no idea who you were dealing with." I answered smugly. "Now like I said, I am not going to your apartment..." He rested his hand over mine, and my stomach dropped as my mind turned to jelly.

"Ana, my housekeeper Gail will also be there. She has prepared us a meal... Everyone in the company by now knows that I left with you. I understand your trepidation considering your experience at SIP, but you are perfectly safe."

"Said the spider to the fly." I could see Taylor chuckle and in that moment I knew that he would keep me safe, regardless of his employer. "Fine..."

"Good."

"But no funny business Grey."

* * *

I could go on for days about his apartment, the size, the furniture, the artwork. It was just like his office an awe inspiring space. But there was also a coldness, a emptiness to it that could not be ignored, despite all the wealth that filled it. Like a lonely rich prince living in a tower. He gave me a quick tour, pointing out little things about a piece of artwork or how he bought certain pieces at auction. He held my hand tightly walking me though the space and I could sense his nervousness. It made me feel better, that I was not the only one feeling this way.

I met his housekeeper, Gail. So he was telling the truth about her at least. She was sweet and younger then I expected. She lead us to his dining room and said dinner would be ready in a few moments and the she hoped I liked steak. I nodded yes and I could see she was relieved.

"You have a very lovely home."

"But you don't like it?" My mouth dropped open and my hands started to sweat.

"It's not that I don't like it but it's a lot to take in. SO much space, so many things. I grew up in small apartments, everything second hand. Places like this, well they just seem so cols and impersonal. Like a beautiful museum, look but don't touch."

"You can touch almost anything you wish Ana. But you are right, this place is very much like a museum. Some rooms are warmer then others though." There was a flash in his eyes, as he looked down at me. Luckily Gail appeared with our meal and I had a reprieve from his attentions.

We sat in his large dining room, as I tried to eat the steak and potatoes that was in front of me. He asked me about school, about my love of publishing and classic books. He told me about his family, his business, his charity work. We made light and easy conversation and I remembered why I was so dazzled by him in the first place. Because regardless of what name he was using this man glowed…

"Ana, before this goes any further. I have something to ask of you." Here we go… I raised my eyebrows, as a warning.

"It's not what you think." He stood and took a small stack of papers off the modern black brake front, laying them down in front of me.

"Uh, what is this?" I thumbed thru the pages of this legal document, confused.

"It's an NDR." He sat back in his chair and must have read the question in my face. I had no clue what a NDR was. "It's a standard Non-Disclosure Agreement."

"Oh well if its just a standard one…"

"I know it may seem strange, it is strange; but a man in my position much take all precautionary measures. If you choose to see me again, you will be privy to things about me, about my family and about my business. I can't have details about my personal or professional life leaking out to the press or competitors." What he was saying made perfect sense. I could see how a certain kind of woman would be drawn to him. The kind looking for a payout of some sort. Looking to trap him, extort him.

"So if I don't sign this then…"

"This will be our first and only date." there was a sadness to his voice as he said it. I exhaled loudly, weight that idea in my head as I thumbed through the pages again.

"Do you have a pen Mr. Grey?" He smiled the smallest of smiles and pulled a pen out of his suit jacket. It was heavy for its size, as I signed my name on the dotted line. I slid it back to him and his hand reached out, covering mine. His warmth spreading through me. Again I could feel myself attaching to him, I pulled my hand away. I was breathless and was sure my heart was about to explode in my chest.

"Well, uh. Thank you for dinner but I think its time that I got home." I stood quickly, pushing the chair back abruptly. His eyes widened with surprise, at my abruptness.

"Ana, its not even nine. Come to the study and I will pour you a brandy. Come."

* * *

I followed him through the labyrinth that was his apartment to his study, it was really a library. Floor to ceiling bookshelves, leather bound volumes in oxblood, black and brown, with gold and silver lettering. The room had a musty, leathery, smoky scent. I relaxed the moment I walked through the door, he was right some rooms were warmer then others. He gestured for me to sit on one of the over scaled brown tufted leather sofas. I sank in so far that my feet didn't touch the ground.

"So tell me…you don't like working at Grey do you?" He sat next to me, so that his leg was touching mine and handed me a glass half full of syrupy amber colored liquor. I took a sip, it burned my mouth and throat as it made its descent into my belly warming me from the inside. His question put me on edge, but the liquor dulled it.

"Well, its not that I don't like it, I mean its just I always wanted to work in publishing. Since I was a kid I have loved books, the art of books. I chose SIP, I had been offered other positions… And then Jack blacklisted me and I could even get an interview anywhere."

"I see, so if you could you would be working for SIP again?"

"Yeah, I mean not that company. I could never work for him again but a small house, one that chose quality over quantity. A place where I could learn and grow and discover."

"That would make you happy?"

"Yes, I think it would. I am hoping some time will pass and I can start applying again. I am hoping Jack has a short reach and that people have even shorter memories."

He was quietly staring at me, I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks, as I bit my lower lip.

"You are so innocent Ana, I find it fascinating."

"Fascinating…Well I aim to please."

"Enough of this." Before I could respond, his arms were around my waist pulling me towards him. I rear gilding on the smooth leather sofa. His mouth was on mine, my lips parted. His tongue teasing mine, and then taking it over. The taste of the brandy on his mouth, the forceful caress of his lips. I felt a want for him deep in my core, pulsing and tightening. I ran my fingers through his copper hair, grabbing it at the nape. A growl escaping from the back of his throat. Christian grabbed my wrists, forcing them down to my sides and slid my red sweater off my shoulders, running his hands and then his lips along my bare skin of my shoulders.

He gently laid me back on the sofa, and positioned himself with my legs around his waist, my dress scrunched up around my thights. My arms above my head, his left hand holding them there, his mouth on mine once again. I could feel his weigh upon me, pressing me into the cushions, his growing erection pushing into my core.

"I am breaking all my rules right now Ana…"

"There are rules?" My head was swirling, I couldn't really absorb anything he was saying.

"Not yet but there will be." He kissed my chin and then the tender hollow of my throat. His head dipped lower as he bit at my nipples thought the fabric of Kate's dress and I let out a noise that didn't even sound like myself. I was so lost, I mess of pleasure and emotion that when he finally released my hands, and slid his under my dress it was to late to stop him. My panties were off, as were my shoes. He threw them somewhere. He placed one of my legs on the back of the sofa and the other on his shoulder, he slowly ran his nose along my crease, his fingers parting me and then his tongue found me.

I inhaled sharply, overwhelmed as it hit me again over and over and then he started to suck and I couldn't help but scream out, knotting my fingers in his hair once again. And then it stopped, all feeling, all sensation came to a halt. I looked down and his eyes were fixed on me.

"Say it baby." He kissed each side of my sex softly, teasing me. "Say it…"

"Don't stop."

"Don't stop what?" He ran his tongue against me once, sending a wave of pleasure through my entire body

"Don't stop please…" And then a small jolt of pain and he gently nipped at me with his teeth. I knew what he wanted to hear, he was making good on his promise.

"Christian…Don't stop Christian." I finally gave in not able to take another second of delay. He growled in satisfaction and then he mouth was on me again with a new found purpose. I could feel it building, growing in my body. I new feeling, something I was not able to accomplish alone. Every muscle in my body tightened, clenched as I came loudly, calling out his name over and over again. My orgasm pulsing though me like the beat of a drum. Before I had time to relax, and absorb what had just happened. I felt his finger, slide down pushing into me, I yelped out in pain.

"Christian wait…"

He sat up immediately, a look of shock and awe on his perfect face.

"Ana, are you a virgin?" I covered my face with both hands, feeling ashamed. Not that I had anything to be ashamed of. My inner goddess always had my back.

"I told you that you had no idea what you were dealing with…"


	4. Chapter 4

"Jesus Christ Ana." he jumped off the sofa in a fury, leaving me there exposed. I awkwardly pulled down my dress, trying to not only regain my composure but a shred of dignity. He stood over me, a shocked fury in his eyes.

"You should have told me…" He ran his hand though his hair, and rubbed at his temples.

"When?! Before or after you lied to me about your identity." I stood abruptly, grateful that I was barefoot and able to literally stand my ground. I could feel this anger bubbling up inside of me.

"That is not even relevant to this conversation."

"Oh I think it is. Any information regarding my sexual history or lack there of should be shared with someone I trust. I don't know about you but I tend to distrust a liar!"

"You trusted me enough to go down on you." He said smugly.

"That was obviously a mistake." My voice cracked at the last word, and I started to feel overwhelmed. I could feel the tears break the corners of my eyes and I bit my lower lip in an effort to ward them off.

"Ana." His voice was low now and the anger in his eyes was replaced with kindness and maybe even pity. I turned away from him quickly and went on the hunt for my panties and shoes. " Ana…Just stop for a second."

"I just want to find my stuff and get out of here." I pushed a stray hair off my face, behind my ear as I bent to grab a shoe from under an end table. And went on a hunt for the other. "I can't believe how stupid I am." I mumbled under my breath.

"Ana, stop you are not stupid." I shot my head up, and locked eyes with him.

"Yes, I am. I should have never come here. Everything told me not to…You would think I would have learned my lesson." I spotted my other shoe by the fireplace and crossed the room to retrieve it. I slipped them both on and went on the search for my panties.

"Ana, I should have reacted differently. I was just, surprised. I mean, a virgin in this day and age."

"I am not forty Christian, I am twenty two. I spent most of my time was spent wisely, studying and working and learning. Not boning the QB in the back of his pickup! So yeah, I figured I would wait…wait for someone… something special… I don't even know what I was thinking tonight."

"You weren't thinking, you said it yourself you cant think when I am touching you. Perhaps I should keep my hands to myself." His last comment felt like a knife in my heart.

"Yes, that is a great idea! Thank you Mr. Grey. Now, you can send the sad little virgin on her merry way." I gave up the hunt for my panties, I just needed to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible. He stood there watching me, his jaw tight, he arms crossed against his chest, legs shoulder width apart. His face was unreadable.

My heart was fluttering, beating faster and faster. My cheeks burned, I felt sad and foolish. I stood there for a second, trying to pull myself together and waiting to see if he said anything. He didn't. I turned on my heel and walked out of the study and found my way back to the dining room to collect my purse and coat.

I felt his standing behind me, his hands on my shoulders turning me to face him. Pulling every last bit of my strength to look him in his eye.

"Ana, I don't want you to go, but I think it would be best. You are an innocent, not suited for what I have to offer you. Right now I want to fuck you fifty ways from Sunday. But that would be wrong… I will have Taylor drive you home." I couldn't speak, I just nodded suddenly feeling sad. Any hopes that I may have had dissipated in to the ether. I stood on my tip toes and gave him a small peck on the cheek before I turned to walk away.

* * *

I spent most of the weekend in bed, reading. Trying to push any and all thoughts of Christian Grey to the back of my mind. I lied to Kate, telling her that dinner with Chris was fine but we didn't really click after all, never letting on that Chris was in fact Christian Grey. I didn't see the point really. Why add to my shame and fuel her need to talk about it.

"Ah the hell with Chris, we will find you someone else. The most important thing is that you broke the dry spell."

"Yeah, I guess. I think I just want to focus on work and finding a new job. I have been thinking about a change of city maybe. I mean Hyde had black listed me here, maybe a new city a new shoreline." I had this on going daydream of moving to New York, I fell in love with it at first sight. I could get a small apartment in a horrible neighborhood, I would complain about mice and roaches and subways. Get a job at a publishing house, become a new person.

'Ana, that is just crazy, I mean everyone you know and love is here. We will find you a new job. You cant move away because I will miss you too much…End of discussion."

Why is it that everyone thinks they can tell me what to do, I mean am I some kind of idiot incapable of making decisions for myself. No I am not. If I want to move across the country I will, I don't care if Kate likes it or not. If I want to wait to have sex until it means something then I will, and Christian Grey can go straight to hell. Just because I couldn't fuck me and dump me like all the other girls made him the asshole not me.

I was reading the paper, in my bed on Sunday morning interrupted by my cell phone ringing. The number came up private, and I assumed it was my mother, her number was always changing.

"Hello." I said mindlessly into the phone, expecting the onslaught of my mothers voice.

"Hello Ana." Instead I got, the low haunting growl of Christian. Just the sound of his voice sent a shiver through me and I almost dropped the phone. "Ana are you there?'

"Uh, yes. Hello Mr. Grey."

"Ah, we are back to Mr. Grey now… Ok Ana if that is how you want it. I wanted to discuss your car. You left in in the parking lot on Friday." I had completely forgotten about my car, my mind was in a million other places. "I will have Taylor pick you up tomorrow and bring you into the office. And before you ask I will not be there. I get in much earlier then you."

"That is really not necessary I can talk a cab."

"Nonsense, Taylor will be there tomorrow at eight thirty."

"Um, ok. Thank you."

"Its is not a problem. It is my pleasure." He said the word pleasure in a way that pissed me off, like he was thinking about… well never mind what he was thinking about.

"I can still taste you Ana…" My stomach dropped and my entire body fluttered… that's right it fluttered, again. I mean can a girl get a break.

"Well, I can still taste your rejection, so I guess you got the better end of the deal. Goodbye." I hung up my phone and threw it at the foot of the bed as far away from my as possible. He was going to be the end of me, of this I was sure.

* * *

I dreaded Monday, walking back thru the doors at Grey Enterprises. Having to answer questions about how I knew him, why we left together. Damn it, why do I keep getting myself into these horrible situations. And why can't I get Christian Grey out of my mind. No matter how hard I try I keep replaying those moments over and over. His lips on mine, his breath in my neck, how it felt when his tongue was firmly planted between my legs. That was a first for me, and even thought it was scary as all hell it awakened something inside of me. A part of myself that I had never tapped into, a craving for touch, his touch. His words ringing in my ears. _I want to fuck you fifty ways from Sunday…_

"Ana! I need an update on the habitat project, in my office now. " I was snapped out my daydream by Carla's stern voice. She had been several degrees colder after watching me leave with Christian, but she didn't ask me about it not once. Everyone else had and I gave them all the same answer, that I couldn't discuss it. Which was true, I had signed the NDR. That didn't go over very well, but I couldn't have cared less. These were the same people who had excluded me at every opportunity and now all of a sudden then were coming to my cubicle for office fodder.

The week went slowly, punctuated by the awful fact that I lost my lunch time sanctuary. I couldn't go back, not wanting to see him; sure he didn't want to see me either. So now I ate at my desk, my ear buds in to drown out the chatter and banter that surrounded me. Counting the minutes and seconds until I could leave.

When Friday finally came, I was beyond thrilled when the clock struck five. I leapt from my cubicle, threw on my jacket and was waiting for the elevator faster then you could say unemployment line. The joyful ding made me smile as the doors gracefully opened, revealing a hidden unwanted surprise. Christian Grey.

"Hello Ana." His voice was slick, he stepped forward and pressed his hand against the door holding it open. I had successfully avoided seeing him all week, I had finally gotten him out of my system and now here he was and it all came flooding back.

"I will take the next one." I managed to stutter out unable to look him in the eye.

"Nonsense, we are both adults. It's fine… please come." You already have my inner goddess purred from the sidelines. I shot her a look of death, and she recoiled in fear.

I tentatively stepped into the elevator, my body ringing being so close to him again. I had never experienced anything like this before in my life, this man had this strange power of my mind and even more so my body.

"How have you been Ana?" I loved how my name sounded coming out of his mouth. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and exhaled deeply before I was able to answer him.

"Good thank you." I heard his footsteps and could feel his presence behind me, just inches between us.

"You feel that don't you?" I let out a small moan and nodded once. My breathing got ragged, and I licked my lips. "I have thought about you non stop… I am trying to be a good guy Ana, but that's really not my way."

"What is "your" way Mr. Grey."

"You need someone who will make love to you, that is not my way. My way is to fuck, hard." His mouth was right beside my ear, his warm breath gently caressing, sending a chill though me. I could feel my core tighten and flex with every word.

"Oh, I see." The weight of his words sinking into my brain. "That's right, you don't do the girlfriend thing." the spell was broken, and I took a step forward, widening the space between us. This was a man who collected women, and I was not the women who could be put on a shelf. No amount of attraction would ever change that. The elevator door opened to the lobby. "Have a good weekend…"

* * *

"Come on Ana, its Friday night! I need to get laid and you need to relax and have a good time. Lets get all tarted up, get in a cab and go dancing." Kate looked at me with her eyes wide, hands fisted together by her chin, begging.

"I really don't feel like it…"

"Pretty please… come on don't make me go it alone. What if I run into the wrong sort of guy… who will save me if not for you?"

"Jesus Kate you don't play fair…"

"is that a yes?"

"Begrudgingly so." I smiled thru the next hour as Kate dressed me like I was her own personal doll. She started with her tight black on black snakeskin printed jeans and a black velvet halter top that left my bare back completely exposed. She completed the look with her fitted motorcycle jacket and knee high pointy toed boots. She pulled my hair back on to a low bun, layered on the eyeliner and gloss and her vision was complete.

"Damn Steele you look hot… I think I did too good of a job. All eyes are going to be on you tonight and not me."

"Some how I doubt that Kate." She looked spectacular, her flesh colored mini skirt dress covered in clear jewels, fitted to her body like a second skin. It hung off of her shoulder showing a flash of her tanned skin. She pulled on her over the knee camel boots that would have looked trashy on anyone else but her. The effect was nude and expensive. She looked amazing as usual. I felt like a homely goth standing beside her.

"Where are we going anyway? I mean we look too nice for the bar around the corner."

"Ahhh we are going to Maison Gris. I made a few phone calls and Ethan got us in."

The club was packed. They always were, I don't know why I agreed to come. I hated crowds and dark places with blaring music. This place was beautiful. Marble floors, dark ornate wood, the lighting was soft and made everything glow. There were large modern sofas creating little cubbies and corners. Beautiful people everywhere sipping thirty dollar drinks and gyrating to loud music. This was so not my scene, I never felt more out of place. I understood why this was the place to be and why everyone in the office talked about it like it was the second coming. I would have much rather been at our little bar drinking weak drinks lagging with the bartender.

But I was there, I was dressed to kill so I might as well make the best of it. I needed to push all thoughts of Christian out of my brain and body. I downed my drink in two sips and grabbed Kate's hand leading her to the dance floor, taking her by surprise. It was usually her dragging me.

I could feel the base pumping through my body as I started to move and gyrate to the music, Kate joining me. I danced like no one was looking, I need to relieve the stress of the week, hell the last ten weeks. I raised my arms over my head and spun around, pulling my hair out of the bun so that it fell down my bare back.

A very tall and attractive guy made his move on Kate and she started dancing with him, a huge smile on her face. She was smitten, that didn't happen often. I knew I would be hearing them through the thin wall of our apartment in a few short hours. I laughed at the irony of my life as my mind drifted to Christian once more.

Then I felt hands on my waist and a familiar feeling took over my body. I knew his touch, I leaned back pressing my body against his toned frame, folding my hands over his. I turned around, my instinct was correct. His dark grey eyes were staring down on me, full of hunger and fire and something else I couldn't place. It was the dazzling Christian Grey.


	5. Chapter 5

"Are you following me now?" I wrapped my arms loosely around his neck, his hands slid down my back and stopped at the small of my back, his fingers dangerously close to my ass. He pulled my body flat against his and my heart stopped.

"I own this club Ana." My eyes shot up in surprise. All the clubs in all the city…

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. You didn't take French did you?" I nodded no, French. I barely took Spanish. "Maison Gris, Grey House." I threw my head back and started to laugh. He lowered and I could feel his breath on my throat and then the gentle touch of his lips.

"I thought you wanted to stay away from me?"

"I do…and I don't…" My eye caught Kate's and she couldn't hide her surprise that I was dancing with Christian Grey.

"Indecisive much?" He looked at me intently and let me go.

"Only when It comes to you Ana. Enjoy the rest of your evening." He nodded to the man dancing with Kate. I watched him kiss her hand and then as quickly as they came there were both gone. I stood there aimless and bemused. I barely had a second to recover before Kate was at my side.

"What the fuck Ana… Is Christian Grey your Chris?" All I could do is nod yes and watch the horror and then amazement flash across her face. "Holy shit… I mean… I thought he was gay."

"He is not gay…"

"Apparently…"

"Who was that guy you were dancing with?"

"His brother Elliott."

"He was…"

"HOT!I know… I gave him my number… Come on let me buy you a shot you really need one."

* * *

That is when the night took a turn. I threw all caution to the wind and four shots later I was back on the dance floor. Feeling free, dancing to the beat of the music pounding around us. I had never felt so removed from my mind, my constant stream of thoughts and I finally understood why people drank so much. It was freeing, for someone like me who lived in my head it was a new and welcomed feeling. I danced with Kate and with whomever was in close proximity. Hands and legs and faces…it was all a blur and overwhelming blur.

I was feeling dizzy and sick, it was so hot. I felt like I was burning up…I needed air, cool air. I grabbed Kate by the hand and dragged her through the packed crowd.

"Ana are you ok?"

"I am going to be sick." I pushed passed the line of people waiting to check their coats and flung the door open. The moment the cold air hit my face, the bile rose in my throat. I ran to the curb away from the crowd and I started to throw up violently. Purging my body of the alcohol I stupidly consumed. Now I understood why people didn't drink, because it is horrible. Kate ever the great friend held back my hair and soothingly rubbed my bare back. Now freezing cold from the sweat and the cold winter air.

"Ana?" I heard his voice, as I gagged again. Not wanting him to see me like this, but unable to do anything to stop it. I felt weak, like I was about to pass out and I felt his arm snake around my waist holding me up. "It's ok, let it come out."

I leaned my body against his, no more strength left and took several deep breaths and a few dry heaves.

"Elliot, get their coats and then take Kate home. I will see to Ana."

"Not happening Grey… Like I would let you take her home is this condition."

"Considering that you are the person who allowed to get in this condition you have no leg to stand on Miss. Kavanaugh ." He voice was stern and in control. Even with my eyes closed I could tell Kate was taken aback. No one talked to her like that. I chuckled. Wishing I could see her face, no energy left to open my eyes.

"Come on Kate, lets get the coats and we can sort it all out later." I heard Elliot's unfamiliar voice and then I was vaguely aware that Christian and I were alone. He brushed a stray hair off my face and pulled me to him. I melted into his body, allowing myself to fall asleep.

* * *

I woke up and my head was pounding, it felt like it was under a pile of bricks. I opened my eyes, huge mistake. The light was streaming in the room. Wait, where the fuck was I? I forced my eyes open and sat up in this huge unfamiliar bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I was in a white linen shirt and my panties, my hair had been braided and hung over my shoulder. I was in his bedroom and I was alone, acutely alone.

I stood slowly, the nausea hit me like a wave. My mouth was dry and in much need of some minty refreshment. I saw a bottle of water and two aqua blue pills on the nightstand. I took the Advil and was grateful that the water was still cold, drinking it in two long gulps. I wandered to the bathroom. It was huge, bigger then my apartment. Black marble floors, white marble tile. A large egg shaped tub in front of a massive window that over looked the city.

I used some of the mouthwash out of the crystal decanter and washed my face with some of his fancy soap. I already felt better.

I wandered thru his apartment, my feet bare. I was walking on my tip toes and I didn't know why. I felt like I was intruding in his space. I checked the study and the living room, both of which were empty. I finally found him sitting in the kitchen, in black silk pajama pants and nothing else. Sipping a small white cup of espresso, reading the paper.

"Um…excuse me…" He turned slowly on his stool and his eyes started at my feet and lingered over my body. I pulled at the hem of my shirt self consciously.

"Good Morning Ana. How do you feel."

"Better then I have the right too. Thank you for the water and Advil."

"You're welcome. Do you want some coffee?" I nodded no, just the smell was making me sick.

"I need my clothes…"

"They are at the cleaners. I sent Taylor out to pick you up a few things. He should be back shortly."

"And Gail?"

"She does her shopping on Saturday mornings."

"So we are here alone then?"

"That we are. Tell me, last night was that a habit or a lapse in judgment?"

"The latter. That was the second time I have ever been drunk and it will be my last. I feel like I have been beaten with a stick."

"Beaten with a stick, interesting turn of phrase Ana. Are you hungry. You should eat something. Toast maybe."

"Maybe later, I would like some more water though."

"Of course." He stood quickly and made his way to the glass front fridge, pulling me out a bottle of water. I was mesmerized by the was his muscles ripped even when making the smallest movements. It was like a living breathing statue of David. He handed me the bottle and brushed his fingers against mine. I visibly shivered. I cracked open the bottle and took a long sip of the ice cold water. I could feel it descend all the way down to my belly.

"Ana, I would like to talk to you for a moment. Follow me." He \walked passed me and I could feel the current pulsing from his body to mine. He lead me back to the scene of the crime, his study and I could feel my cheeks burn, as I bit on my lip.

"Ana, please for the duration of this conversation please stop biting your lip."

"Sorry, you just make me… nervous…" He smiled smugly and gestured for me to sit on the sofa and I sank back down on the soft leather, remembering those moments I spent there only a week ago. He looked at me for a moment, his chest still bare, smattered with chest hair that I hat to fight the urge to touch. The loosely hanging pants low on his hips, I imagined kissing him there, tracing the lines of his body with my lips. I was embarrassed but also aroused by my own thoughts. He finally spoke and now he had my full attention.

"So, as you already know I don't date. I don't do girlfriends, I don't do love. I do contracts, I fuck and I move on. But I don't think that would work for you would it?" I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook my head no. "I didn't think so. This is what I proposing. I would like to date you, but there is a level of control that I require in my relationships. That is something I can not and will not change. If you are open to that, then I would like to see you exclusively."

"What do you mean by contracts and what do you mean by control? I already signed the NDR and you want to control what I wear and who I speak to?"

"No… a different kind of contract. I can't really explain this with out scaring you off. And that is the last thing I want to do… Look, I would like to take you out tonight. We can see how this goes and then we can discuss this further. If you are feeling up to it."

"Um, ok. I think I would like that." I knotted my hands in my lap, wondering if I was crossing to the other side through the looking glass.

"You think?"

"Well yeah, you are very confusing. One minute you don't want to see me at all then next minute you want to see me exclusively. It's like Christian Grey whiplash."

"Fair point, well made. Why don't you go and take a bath buy the time you are done Taylor will have gotten your things." I could see him becoming impenitent, his mind was in a different place.

"Am I being dismissed now?"

"Yes, I have a conference call I am very late for. I would like to discuss this now but… this is a pressing matter. I will come and see you in a little while."

* * *

He was a confusing man, I couldn't get a true read on him no matter how hard I tried. The more I tried the more confusing I would become. Not that I had much experience with men in general. Maybe they were all like this, but somehow I doubted it. There was another layer to him, an out shell, he had these moment where he would show me behind the curtain but then just as quickly her would shut me out. I held on to what I knew to be true, at least what he had told me. Christian wanted me, which I couldn't understand. He could have anyone, there was a long line of women. Smarter, richer, taller, thinner, prettier, more experienced. I could go on and on. My brain hurt from all the possibilities bouncing around my head.

I finally gave up and waited for the water to fill the enormous bathtub. I slid my tired body into the hot water laced with a rich smelling body oil I found on the ledge. The water rose up to my neck and immediately felt better. My muscles ached from the wrenching and my head still throbbed like a high school marching band was practicing inside. The room was so calm, so quiet. Only the sound of the water lapping against the porcelain and my shallow breathing.

What a strange week, who would have thought I would have ended up not only in his tub but in his bed and still be a proud owner of my V-card. I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair and rubbed my throbbing scalp, lowering my entire head under water. As I emerged I heard a light tapping on the door.

"Ana…" He walked in carrying a bag in each hand and stopped when he saw me, inhaling sharply. I felt a flutter run thought my body, unable to speak, unable to take my eyes off of him. He placed the bags on the floor and shook his head before stripping out of his pajama pants and walking over to the tub. He was a feast for my eyes, as they lingered over every part of him. Every inch and I mean every inch was hard and taught, like it was carved from stone.

"There really is only so much one man can take Ana."

He stepped into the tub, opposite of me, the water splashing on to the floor as his slip his body in. I was still recovering from everything I just saw and was still unable to form a series of syllables forming an actual word. He lifted my foot and started rubbing the arch with the pads of his thumb. It felt euphoric and I moaned, loudly. I couldn't help myself.

"Those were some very high boots I had the pleasure of zipping you out of last night."

"So you did undress me then?"

"That I did. I was shocked that a girl like you would leave the house braless. It was a treat for the eyes though."

"You should not have looked." I crossed my arms over my breasts, trying in vain to hide them.

"Yes I should have, consider it pay back for throwing up in my lap on the ride over here." The memory came back to me, like a bad dream.

"I didn't!?"

"You did, poor Taylor spent an hour cleaning up the back seat." I lifted my hands to my face, covering it in shame.

"Oh my god, I am so… embarrassed. Did I do anything else?" He release one foot and grabbed the other this time with a bit more force. Every motion, as if he was touching me in other places. Like all the nerves of my body were somehow connected.

"Well, you told me… No… maybe I should tell you…" He has a satisfied smirk on his face and I had to know.

"Tell me…"

"You told me that I was the first person to taste your pussy… and that you couldn't think about anything else." I jaw dropped, I wanted to die. I wanted the water to swallow me up.

"I said all that? I used that word?" I wanted to die, right there and then.

"Mmmm hmmm. And you went into more detail…It was very hot Ana, and unexpected. Am I really?"

"Yes." I nodded slowly, my eyes focused on my hands, watching water drip from my the pruning skin of my fingertips.

"Has anyone ever made you come before me?" I shook my head no and raised my eyes to his and a huge smile spread across his face. "You are full of surprises Miss. Steele." He moved slightly and before I knew it his hands were on my hips pulling me towards him. Water splashing all over the floor. I was straddling his thighs, his cock resting against my belly. He rested my hands on the tub behind him.

"You can't touch my chest Ana… Do you understand? Under no circumstances." I nodded, wanting to ask why but knowing he wouldn't tell me.

His hands were in my wet hair bringing my mouth to his, sucking my tongue. His mouth was then in my breasts, flicking my nipples with his tongue, biting gently with his teeth. I yelped out, and he bit harder, as his fingers made their way down, rubbing me with gentle eager force.

"Oh my god Christian…" I came quickly, a short intense burst, my fingers clenched on the tub so hard they were numb.

"Ana, I need to be inside of you." His husky growl, the look in his grey eyes. I couldn't refuse him. I didn't want to but I was not going to be used either.

"I want you inside of me too Christian but not if you are going to fuck me."

"I know…"

"Do you?" He looked me over, and kissed my neck and collarbone and then my lips ever so softly and gently.

"You want me to make love to you Ana. It will be a first for us both."


	6. Chapter 6

He shifted his weight slightly, and slid me down a bit. I was breathless, my mouth dry, waiting for him to be inside of me, needing it. Never imagining it would happen like this. But before I knew what was happening, we were both standing and he had me wrapped up in a towel, like a child. I could feel the disappointment spread across my face.

"Let's get you some breakfast. I am sure Gail is back by now."

"I uh… thought we were…you know…" I couldn't bring myself to look in his eyes, feeling foolish. He put his finger under my chin lifting my gaze to meet his.

"All in good time Ana. You need to eat, maybe get some more rest. You need to be one hundred percent for what I have in mind." He stepped out of the tub and tucked his towel around his waist, hiding his impressive erection. I followed lacking his grace, slipping slightly in the oily water. He lifted me up in one effortless motion and gently placed me back down on the floor.

"What would you do if I was not here to catch you Miss. Steele?"

"I would have a very bruised ass Mr. Grey."

"You would indeed. A very bruised ass." There was something underneath his words that sent a shiver down my spine and a tingle everywhere else.

"You have casual things and something dressier for tonight. Come." He grabbed the bags and my hand leading me to the bedroom. I felt flustered, not used to being so captivated by another person. He removed my towel, and slowly dried every inch of my body, slowing with intent. Over my shoulders, my breasts, down each leg and the space that lives in between. Every move was measured and had meaning. My skin felt like it was on fire, each swipe of the towel radiating through me.

Christian riffled through the bags and pulled out a silky pale grey bra and panties set, edged with delicate white lace. I blushed at the idea of Taylor buying such things for me, wondering how many times he had done it in the past for other women. That thought was swept from my mine as Christian descended to his knees, urging me to step into the fine soft silk.

I wanted to brace myself on his shoulders but remembered his instructions not to touch him there, under any circumstances. He slowly pulled them up, stopping every so often, brushing his lips across my skin he passed along the way. Sweet torture as he bought his lips to my sex, tugging gently at the soft untouched curly hair.

"I think we will keep this Ana. I like it on you?"

He stood and gently kissed my lips, before he reached for the bra, making a motion with his finger instructing me to turn around. He slid the straps up over my arms, placing each breast in the cups. My nipples hardened at his touch, and I felt dizzy. Really dizzy. I wasn't sure if it was the after math of my hangover or the Christian Grey dazzle haze that I had been living in the last week. I felt unsteady on my feet.

"Ana, baby are you ok?" His arms wrapped around my waist pulling me towards him.

"I am not sure. I feel strange…"

"You need to eat…" He, sat me on the bed and retrieved his robe off the back of his bathroom door. "Put this on." I did as I was told and watched as he removed his towel, and quickly dressed. His body was a sight to behold. You could see the hours and work it put into it, looking at him is various states of undress was not helping my head, not even a little.

* * *

He led me down the hallway into the kitchen, never taking his hands off of me. We sat at his breakfast bar, as Gail greeted us with a smile.

"The usual Mr. Grey?" She asked softly, tucking a dishtowel in her white apron and then placed a cup of steaming hot coffee down in front of him.

"No, I think I want some eggs this morning, two over easy, wheat toast and orange juice. How does that sound Ana." I wrinkled my nose, eggs sounded like the worst idea ever. "How about some toast and tea then?"

"That sounds perfect. Do you have English breakfast."

"Yes Miss Steele, we do. Milk and sugar?"

"Uh, no… Black and weak… Thank you." I fiddled with the long sleeves of his robe, trying unsuccessfully to fold them up. Christian sipped his coffee and I could feel him staring at me, his hand caressing my knee.

"Nothing about you is simple or usual?"

"Is there a question mark or period at the end of that sentence Mr. Grey." Gail muffled a laugh, placing a cup of hot water and tea bag in front of me. We locked eyes for a moment and we both smiled. Christian chuckled just a bit, and took a sip of his coffee.

"I guess we will both find out."

* * *

I spent the day in his bed, reading. It was odd to feel so comfortable in a place that was so new and unfamiliar. Again I wondered how may had come before me, how many women woke up beside him happy. For a little while anyway.

Christian was meeting with his trainer, and then had calls to make, and left me alone to recover and rest for the upcoming evening. The idea of him, working out and sweaty was very distracting and my book was not holding my interest. Everything and anything paled when Christian was in the equation.

It was a strange few days, and it was about to get stranger. I never in a million years thought I would have been so willing to have sex with a man I barely knew, hung over in a bathtub of all places. But this morning I was… willing that is. I couldn't help but feel disappointment when he pushed me away instead of bringing me closer, this morning. My skin still felt ignited, my core tingling and tight.

I realized now why I had waited, I had never really felt a true wanting before. A yearning for another persons touch until I met Chris…Christian. All the guys I had met before, the few I had kissed, the few that have touched me weren't able to make me feel what Christian did. So I had to trust in that, trust that my mind and my body were leading me in the right place.

* * *

The sun was just starting to set, his all white room glowing in pinks and reds. I slid off his bed to the large windows and looked out towards the city. From this height everything looked perfect, all the problems and worries of the world so far away.

I heard the door open, I tuned my head over my shoulder and saw his figure standing in the door way. My breath hitched at the sight of him. It had only been a few hours but it felt like a year.

"Ana, don't move." His eyes locked with mine. "I just want to look at you. Take off the robe."

"Which is it, don't move or take off the robe?" I was feeling defiant, and sexy. He made me feel that way.

"Fair point… well made… Now take off the fucking robe." I slowly slid it off my shoulders, it caused a small breeze around my legs as I let it fall to the floor. I reached back and unhooked my bra, and it fell to the floor as well.

Christian was touching me in three large steps. My body pressed against the cold glass, his body pressed against mine. I should have been embarrassed or at least inhibited, anyone could have seen us. But instead it had the opposite effect, I was unabashedly willing. His lips on my neck and shoulders, he pulled my hair out of its messy bun, and began to slowly braid it giving it a slight tug when he was finished.

He ran his hands down my belly and slipped his fingers under the thin fabric of my new panties. He rubbed me gently, moving his long graceful fingers in perfect rhythm to my bodies needs. His growing erection, pressing into me, though the fabric of his workout pants. I reached my arm back, grabbing the back of his neck, still damp from his workout, tugging at his hair. A small growl escaped from him and it was my undoing as I came loudly, forgetting that Gail and Taylor were only a few rooms away. My knees went weak again, and he lifted me up, laying me flat my back. He kissed my neck, my breasts, belly, his tongue dipping into my belly button, it tickled and I couldn't stop the laughter that came.

He peeled off my panties and then removed his pants, his erection springing free. He kneeled on the bed in front of me and I could see the want and need in his eyes. He slowly inserted a single finger inside of me, and this new and odd sensation took over my body. Parts of me that had never been touched were being awakened and there was no going back. I gasped as he slid in a second finger and started to stretch me, I felt a surge of pain and then pleasure washed it all away.

"You are so damn tight Ana, there no really no way to avoid this hurting." He ran this thumb over my nub, I clenched around his fingers and I moaned deeply, this was all too much and we had barely started.

"I know…But I want you…"

"Ana, are you sure?" I nodded, biting my lover lip. I couldn't even stand waiting another second, no less an hour or a day. "Once we do this, you will be mine. You understand that don't you."

"And you will be mine Christian." With my words he slid into me, my body wanting to reject the invasion of him, my body tightening. The pain was intense, a burning heat taking my breath away.

"Ana, you need to just relax. Take a deep breath and relax." I did what he asked and I could feel him inch into me slowly, stretching me. He brought my knees up around his waist, shifting my body slightly before he was fully sheathed by me. I was overwhelmed, in a way I had never felt before. This need building in me, this need for Christian.

He looked down at me, waiting for a sign and I just smiled. His mouth was on mine in an instant, his tongue moving with mine, as he began to move inside of me. Each thrust, more perfect then the last, over and over again. I wrapped my legs around his as tightly as I could, careful not to touch his chest, my hands were on either side of his face, feeling the rough edge of his stubble.

I could feel the flush of my chest and cheeks, the sticky perspiration between our bodies, the smell of our lovemaking in the air. For a few moments it didn't feel real to me, like a waking dream.

Then it began, this feeling deep inside of me like an epicenter of an earthquake. I began to shake, every nerve trembling, this growing feeling to much for my body to contain. Every muscle tightened, every bit of flesh on fire.

"Come for me Ana…" His voice was like a song as I came, with every part of my being. Screaming out his name, feeling the wet heat of his orgasm filling me, his breath and body against me. My name breathlessly coming from his mouth. Feeling a huge shift in the tide. My life would now be known in two parts. BC and AC, before Christian and After Christian.


	7. Chapter 7

Christian was lying next to me, staring up and the ceiling; his hand in mine, breathless. My heart was racing and my core still pulsing, missing him inside of me already. My body tingled from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Now I understood what all the fuss was about. Why people wrote sonnets, fought wars… all for this very feeling.

I wondered if all sex was like this, if everyone got to feel what I just felt or was this just the kind of sex one has with Christian Grey? I felt alive, free and happy, really really happy. I felt like waiting as long as I did, mattered. That I was rewarded with my patience. Like everything happens for a reason and this is where I am suppose to be for once in my life I was in right place at the right time. And then he spoke, shattering all my foolish dreams and misguided illusions.

"Jesus Ana, that can't happen again." His voice was ragged and tinged with regret and angst. I whipped my head around. Not sure I heard him correctly.

"Exc…excuse me." I could barely get the words out, every fear I had about the moment I lost my virginity was coming to fruition. He looked at me and must have seen the pain and disappointment because he quickly tried to recover but it was too late

"No, I didn't mean it like that Ana… I mean we can not have unprotected sex again. I don't know what I was thinking just now. I have a drawer full of condoms."

"Way to ruin a moment. A drawer FULL of condoms for all the sex you have with other women…How lucky I am for you to interpose your precious, highly sought after sperm on me." I covered my face with my hands to hide my growing anger.

"Ana… please understand. There is no scenario where you getting pregnant is acceptable. I am not interested in becoming a father now or any time in the near or distant future."

"Wow… Ok… well don't worry Mr. Grey. I am on birth control so my baby maker is not interested either." I sat up, agitated, feeling foolish. Why is it that this man had the power to so effect my feelings, my emotions. How was I naked in his bed? He exhaled loudly, I could see the relief wash over him, the news of my birth control calming him but fueling my growing anger.

"Good, that is very good news, albeit surprising." He turned his head to look at me, and then turned his eyes beck to the ceiling.

"Well I am happy to hear that you are relieved Mr. Grey. I am so glad the menstrual cramps I had when I was fifteen came in handy for something. God you really are an asshole." I turned over on my side, my back to him bringing my knees to my chest.

"Ana, I didn't mean it like that. This is all new to me. I don't do this… This dating, making love thing."

"Yes I know… you fuck hard… I remember. You don't do girlfriends…Then why am I here? For the first time in my life I was feeling… Never mind, it really does not matter. I am going to go…I mean I am sure Kate is worried about me. Hell I am worried about me." I pulled on the sheet, wrapping it around my body. My nakedness suddenly felt like a disadvantage, a weakness. And I could not be weak around this man. Not even for a second. All that got me was pressed up against a glass window and fucked my a man who does not do girlfriends and does not want babies.

"Stop it Ana." I could feel my bottom lip start to quiver and I bit down on it trying to stop myself from crying. He turned on his side and wrapped his hand around my wrist. His fingertips gently making small circles on my sensitive flesh, his lips grazing my ear.

"You are here because I have not been able to think about anything else since I met you. You are here because I have never in my life wanted anything so much. You are here simply because I couldn't resist you. I am a man that lives by limits and rules, and with you I have broken them all. Every single one and we barely know one another. And everything you feel, everything about you matters to me…I have never woken up with a women in this bed before, I have never had another women in this space… All my rules broken, all my control dwindling…" I pulled my hand away from him and quickly scrambled off the bed. Pulling the sheet around me tightly and crossing my arms against my chest.

"You keep talking about rules and limits and contracts and then you are talking about feelings and making love to me. It's so confusing and the worst part is, I have already fallen for you. Like totally fallen. I am naked in your bed, I gave you something that many have tried to get and I gave it to you willingly only for you to tell me that this could never happen again and then toss all your daddy issues on me… Like seriously… I need to go… like now before its too late…" He stood, and pulled on his sweat pants, so that they hung low of his hips. He took a few steps towards me, resting his hands on my shoulders and his forehead against mine.

"It already is to late Ana and we both know it. Look, I am sorry. Not for what I said but the way I said it. I wasn't thinking about your feelings. I just panicked and I don't panic Ana" He stopped for a moment, and pressed his lips to my forehead. "Come with me I need to show you something. This will answer some of your questions but I am afraid it will also give you new ones. Harder ones." He pulled a key out of the drawer of his nightstand and lead me down the long hallway to a door. We both stood in front of it for a moment, before he put the key in the lock and turned the knob. He braced himself for a moment and pushed the door open. The first thing that hit me was the scent of leather and orange furniture polish, and then I gasped as my eyes darted around the room as I slowly stepped inside.

"This is my playroom Ana…"

"You have got to be fucking kidding me…"

Something drew me in to this dark and scary place. The red walls, the silk sheets, the large wooden bed. There were chains and straps, drawers holding god knows what. I was standing in the middle of this space and everything clicked into place. My inner goddess was wearing a leather body suit and cracking a whip. But my brain was saying get the fuck out of here you are in way over your head.

"So, uh… I don't know what to say Christian. How do you expect me to react?" I pulled the sheet up over my shoulders, wrapping my body like a cocoon, needing to feel safe and protected in this very unsafe place.

"Well, I am not really sure, you are the first person I have brought in here with out a signed contract."

"Contract for what?"

"I am a Dom, meaning I like power and control when having sex. I seek out Subs, women who like to be submissive during sex. We draw up a contract where terms are agreed upon…"

"Terms?"

"Terms for fucking, likes dislikes, hard limits soft limits, my rules etcetera… They live here, in another part of the house and are accessible to me day and night." Terms for fucking, hard limits… These were thoughts and phrases I didn't need to have in my head. I just lost my virginity for crying out loud.

"So sex slaves…" His face dropped slightly, as he leaned against one of the dressers, his legs extended, arms crossed against his chest.

"No its not at all like that. It's an exchange of power."

"And pain right?"

"Yes…"

"And punishment?"

"Sometimes."

"So you want to tie me up and spank me?" The words were heavy in my mouth. Pain, punishment, spanking. I felt weak in my knees. Of all the men, why did I have to fall for this one. Why couldn't I fall of Jose or Paul from the hardware store. Why was I so drawn to his danger and his pain.

"Yes…" His jaw tightened, and his voice was deep, full of want. I felt this urge to flee, to run away from him but my eet felt bolted to the floor, unable to move. I was already so attached to him, so wrapped up in him. I couldn't bare the thought of leaving him, not even for a second.

"How many?"

"How many what?"

"Subs have you had?" His face went ashen, as I held my breath waiting for his answer.

"Fifteen." I exhaled loudly, it was a smaller number then I thought. There have been fifteen women, in this room with him. Fifteen contracts. Fifteen women I now hated and was jealous of, envious of.

"And you want me to be sixteen?" Is that what I was to him just a number, another passing thing.

"No, I don't."

"So what do you want then Christian." I was losing my patience. He stood tall, his broad shoulder straight. His voice deepened his eyes blazing. I felt a shift in the air, as my body tightened and my ears began to ring.

"Right now, with you standing in this room. I want to tie you to that bed and fuck you…hard…"


	8. Chapter 8

****** Please Read******

Hello everyone - First I want to give you all a HUGE thankyou for your reviews and follows! You guys are awesome... Next I want to ask you to **NOT** read this chapter until you go back to the beginning of the story. As most of you know this was intended to be a short story that is now going to be a full length story. I have gone back and added to all of the previous chapters,and even added a full chapter from Christians POV, very important details have been added that are necessary to the remainder of the story so please go back to the start.

If you guys like what I added, it gives more background and details... please review...

Thank you again...

* * *

I could see the look of shock and desire flash across her face. She wanted it too, that came as a huge surprise to me. As innocent and inexperienced as she was, there was something that pulled her to me and in turn to this lifestyle. There was something inside her drawing her to my danger and something in her drawing me to her safety. She drew her sheet around her naked body tighter, foolishly believing that it would protect her if the need should arise.

"Christian…" She licked her bottom lip and furrowed her brow. I wanted her more than I had ever wanted for anything in my life. In a few short seconds, I had fucked her in every possible way. Imagining all the things I could do to her. I swallowed the lump in my throat, pushing all my desires down and kept my focus on her. On who she was as a person. What she would want, a new and foreign concept to me.

"But… that is not what I am going to do. You are different Ana, and in some regards I am different now too. I meant it when I said I wanted to see you exclusively. Only you…I was not expecting you to be a virgin nor was I expecting to be so taken with you that I would forget to put on a condom. This is all very new to me. Relationships." She took a few steps towards me, I could see her body relax a bit, as she exhaled the tension she was holding on to.

"I don't do relationships either, obviously. But what I do know is how to talk to people. You took this perfect moment and fucked it all up. Please don't do that again. There are so few perfect moments in life, I would like to enjoy the ones I can."

"Fair point…" She stood on her toes and pressed her lips gently to mine.

"Well made, Mr. Grey. I am not sure if I like this room, can we get out of here." I smiled and nodded. I knew she would come to like this room, very very much. It would just take some time. Ana was in no way a sub, but she didn't run away when I opened the door. I watched the awe and wonder and then worry take hold of her beautiful face. Had it been worry first, there would have been no way I could have brought her back in here.

"Lets try and make another perfect moment then." I scooped her up in my arms, and she laughed with out care or restraint. I still wanted to tie her up, spank her and fuck her, I probably always would but there was something to be said for this brand of vanilla sex. My body responded to hers in a way I was not expecting. Like all the sex I had ever had, every act was obliterated the moment I was inside of her. She made it all fresh and new, untouched. And for that reason Ana had all the power. Topping from the bottom.

I playfully threw her onto the bed, the sheet falling away exposing her naked body. Her braid was loose, falling over her shoulder. Her lips were full and pink waiting for my kiss. She climbed up on her knees and reached out to touch my chest, I recoiled and she pulled her hands away.

"I'm sorry, I forgot. I just want to touch you…"

"I know, watch ok." I drew my finger around my body outlining where I couldn't be touched. I traced around my neck, around my arms, all the way down to my belly button. Her eyes followed around my body, and she nodded every so often taking it all in. "The same parameters for my back."

"Why, can you tell me why."

"No, no I cant, it is of little consequence. Just please, this is a hard limit… uh I mean a non negotiable…"

"So I can kiss you here then?" She pressed her lips to my bicep, her lips soft. I growled in acceptance. "And here?" She kissed my knuckles, her tongue drifting over wash one slowly.

"Yes Ana." She scooted to the end of the bed, her legs on either side of my body and pressed her lips to the line of my pants, placing small kisses and then sliding her tongue right below my belly button. I exhaled loudly and then without warning she pulled my pants down in a quick motion and started to pump her hand over my cock.

"And here is ok right Christian?" I could tell she was inexperienced, and it only added to my enjoyment.

"Yes Ana, yes… Have you done this before?" She shook her head no and I couldn't bare not being inside her for another second. "Ana, I am not going to tie you up but I do want to fuck you. Are you very sore?" A small smile appeared on her face and then worry.

"Yeah I am but… I still want you so… can you fuck me gently maybe?" I laughed at the thought, and she smiled as her cheeks filled with red.

"We can give it a try. Ana, Ana… Ana. Get on all fours on the bed." I commanded her, a sub would have just listened and obeyed but Ana sat there for a second and look at me. Deciding what she was going to do, this would be so much easier if she would just give all the control over to me. She could just enjoy and accept. "Ana, all fours, ass facing me. Now."

She slowing did what she was told, a this feeling of joy took hold of me. I ran my hands over her smooth ass, wanting to slap it hard, wanting to make her count. I fought that urge and instead ran my fingers along her back as I kneeled on the bed behind her. I reached around her trembling body, and slowly rubbed her slick and throbbing clit, she moaned and pressed her backside into my body. I thought about one day claiming her ass making another part of her mine, just the thought made blood rush to my already engorged cock. I couldn't take it another second. I reached into my drawer and pulled out a condom. I would not forget again, at least until I got her to one of my doctors. I tore it open with my teeth and rolled it over before I slowly pushed myself into her. She tightened around me immediately and she moaned my name. I leaned back on my heels, pulling her back.

"Ana, I want you to sit up now." I wrapped her braid around my hand, and tightened my grip around her waist as she slowly pulled up, her back against my chest. I slid in just a bit more, hitting the end of her. This breathy growl coming out of her. I started to move picking up speed and force and as met me thrust for thrust, my hand lowered to her clit, her hand on top of mine.

"Oh my god…Christian…I can't… take…it…Oh don't… don't stop…" I pulled on her hair sharply bringing her mouth to mine, sucking in her lower lip. I pounded into her once and then again, harder and deeper then I had before and she screamed out, as I felt her tighten around me, a rush of wetness seeping out of her. I came as she pulsed around me.

"Fuck Ana…" I could feel another wave hit her as she called out again, I grabbed her breast, pinching her nipple hard, feeling the connection between that pain and her clenching around me. She was spent, I held her body up. Breathless and panting, covered in her sweat and my sweat. The smell of her in the air. I pulled out slowly, a rush of her following, it instantly made me hard again, the effect I had over her body. A body that was known only to me. She collapsed onto the bed, silent and satisfied. I wasn't anywhere near finished. All of these thoughts and ideas swirling in my head, what I was going to do to her next. All of my plans were for nothing as I heard the soft sweet lull of my girl fast asleep.

* * *

I woke up the next morning, with Ana's head and hand on my stomach. Normally this would be unacceptable and an assault of my senses. But maybe because I had slept through the night for the first time in months for because it was Ana, it didn't bother me as much as it usually would. All that being said, I wanted her to move. Now that I was awake and aware that she was touching me it was bordering on painful. I rolled my body away from her gently, but she held on to me closer, wrapping her arm around my waist and I froze. The blood pumping in my ears, in agony. I pulled my body away from hers, grateful she slept like the dead and walked over to the window trying to calm myself down. This is why I had rules and contracts. This is why I didn't allow women to sleep in my bed, this was why I was the way I was. I pressed my palms flat against the glass and leaned into the window, trying to ease the tension out of my body. Wanting to return to my bed and wrap my body around hers.

"Christian…" her sweet voice called out to me. I turned and she was sitting there a small smile on her face, her breasts exposed. "Are you ok?"

I could hear the concern in her voice, see it on her face. She truly cared about me and I her.

"Yeah baby I am fine. How are you?"

"Good, tired, achy…" She yawned and stretched her hands over her head, her back cracking.

"Achy… well that is expected. Why don't we take a very long very hot shower before we meet up with Elliot and Kate for brunch." She looked at me perplexed. "Elliot called yesterday, it seems he and your friend hit it off. He was spending the night. Kate wanted to know if you were ok since you didn't answer your cell…"

"Where is my cell?"

"In your bag, which I left in the kitchen. Anyway, she insisted on brunch today they will be here at eleven." She look at the clock, it was just after eight.

"A long hot shower sounds good to me."


	9. Chapter 9

Because i made you guys go back and read all the chapters again, and i felt bad about that... I am have a bonus chapter for you guys today... This is a good one, light and funny... I hope you all enjoy it. Please review!

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Christian was in his office again, the man never had a moment where he didn't need to work. Sure he made crazy money, but was it all worth it. Here is was ten thirty on a Sunday morning and he was in the midst of a crisis with Taiwan. I could here him on the line with someone named Roz hashing out the details. I felt so lazy, lingering in his kitchen, sipping my tea talking to Gail about recipes and our favorite brand of soy milk.

She was surprised that I was so knowledgeable about cookery in general but I had learned out of necessity. My mother could barely open a can, and I was always a picky eater. If I wanted something I would have to figure out how to make it. After school I would go to the library and spend an hour pouring over cookbooks, making photo copies of recipes. I have them all to this day. It's one of the things I would grab if there was a fire.

I could see Gail's relaxed demeanor change when Christian walked into the room. It was a visible shift, she stopped being a new friend to me and turned back into his faithful employee. For a moment I wondered if she had ever been in that room with him. She was pretty and slender, sweet. I shook my head foolishly at the idea, when did I get so jealous?

I felt his hand on the small of my back as he pressed his lips to my forehead. It was a moment I was not expecting, just as he passed me on the way to the fridge. Like he missed me and needed to touch me before he could do anything else. It sent a pang right to my heart, I fell for him just a little bit more in the quick second.

"Gail, you and Taylor can have the rest of the day off. Sawyer will be driving us today. Ana and I already have dinner plans." She smiled and blushed.

"Thank you Mr. Grey." She wiped off the counter and folded the towel before she left the kitchen. Telling me to have a wonderful day.

"That was very nice of you Mr. Grey."

"Well I am in a very good mood this morning and Gail and Taylor don't get to spend enough time alone." Shock spread though out my body as a smile spread across my face.

"Wait a minute, Taylor and Gail are a couple?" Well that was a piece of news right there.

"For a while now." He took a sip from his bottle and this held it out to me. I scrunched up my nose and he shrugged and took another sip.

"And you allow that?"

"Ana, they are both adults, young, attractive. They work impossible hours for an impossible employer. They are both great at their jobs. They deserve a little distraction. So yes I "allow" it. What do you think I am some kind of control freak?" He was teasing me now, a cocky smile on his face.

"Aren't you?" He thought about it for a moment and opened his mouth to respond when our banter was interrupted by a very loud gregarious voice booming from the living room, calling Christian's name.

"Elliot…Come." Christian grabbed my hand pulling me off the stool into the living room. Elliot and Kate were standing there beaming at one another, her body wrapped around his. She wiggled out of his grasp when she saw me and we embraced, like I haven't seen her in a year.

"Ana! How are you feeling?" She rubbed my shoulders and shot Christian a dirty look.

"Better this morning, Chris over here took very good care of me." Elliot laughed when I called him Chris and Kate smirked knowing he had lied to me about his identity.

"Chris huh?" She crossed her arms against her chest and retreated back to Elliot's side.

"Its nice to see you again Kate, and you too Elliott. Are we ready to go, I made a reservation at Belvita." Kate's eyes grew wide, I knew she had been wanting to go there for brunch for a while. Just getting on the waiting list for a reservation was a year long battle.

"How did you manage that one on such short notice Grey?"

"Wait! Let me guess." I loudly interrupted. "You own the place?" Elliot laughed again, as Christian nodded.

"This one is a firecracker "Chris", and yes he does own it and I built it." Kate turned her head, and just stared at Elliott's profile, gazing in wonderment. She was struck and dazzled, these Grey men had that way.

"I don't own it Elliott, I am an investor. Anyway lets go I am starving." There was something in the way he said it and the look in his eye that made me swoon, just a little bit. I watched him get my coat, his body moving across the room so easily, with such grace and purpose. He was quickly back at my side easing my coat over my shoulders, and then turning me around to button me up. He pulled at my collar and brought my lips to his, just a soft chaste kiss before we made it out the door.

"Jesus "Chris" you got it bad." Elliott teased following us out the door.

"Says the man with a bossy blonde attached to his hip." Christian said under his breath and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey watch it Grey!"

* * *

"So Ana, tell me how you managed to snag my brother? Many have tried and failed. Up until two days ago I thought he was gay." We sat in the huge rounded booth, while I ate amazing eggs Benedict and a fresh peach belini, Christian's arm loosely tossed around my shoulder, his fingers twirling the ends of my hair. He huffed at Elliott's question and took a long sip from his bloody Mary.

"Well… I ehhh…I don't know… I guess you would have to ask him… Christian tell your brother how little old me managed to snag the likes of big old gay you?" I couldn't contain my sarcasm, nor could Christian contain his delight with my dig at his brothers question. In that moment we were unified in this together. He and I against the world.

"Simple really, Ana is a very convincing transvestite."

He said it deadpan, with out even the hit of a smile on his face until Elliot started to choke on his bloody Mary and Kate and I began to hysterically laugh. She patted him on the back as he tried to recover and breathe easily before he finally conceded.

"Fine, if you don't want to tell me then just say so. I for one am grateful because I got to meet this one over here." He bent his head down and kissed her, really kissed her like they were alone. Not in the middle of a crowded restaurant in broad day light. Christian cleared his throat and the parted, finally. Kate was flushed and speechless, a new combo for her.

"So what do you think mom and dad have to tell us at casa Grey tonight?" Elliott shoveled in a huge bite of his hash and eggs, and then a huge bite of toast He was like an anaconda, with a retractable jaw.

"I really have no clue, they are being cryptic. Mia is coming no?" Mia who was Mia? It dawned on me how little I really knew about this man who knew me so intimately. I could sense he was feeling uncomfortable even discussing his family. I wondered if was in general or in front of me.

"Yeah, she is just as clueless are we are. Well if it all goes to hell Kate, you can distract me from the family drama."

"That I can do." Kate cooed and it dawned on me that Elliott had invited her to dinner tonight to meet his family. It dawned on Christian too, as he removed his arm from its perch on my shoulder and waved the waitress over. An awkward silence tinged the air and suddenly my appetite was gone.

"What can I get for you Mr. Grey?" She was batting her eyelashes and bending over to expose her Grand Canyon of fake cleavage.

"Yes, another round for me and Elliot do you want another bloody Mary?" He nodded yes "Another bloody Mary, and a Mimosa for Kate."

"And you miss?" She looked at me, with this sung look on her face.

"I think one is enough…Don't you Ana?" I nodded unable to speak, feeling a bit like a scolded child. I was feeling out of sorts now, first that Elliott seemed to be more invested in Kate, then Christian was in me simply by inviting her to meet his family after knowing one another for a day and a half. And then this drink ordering thing, I could see the look on Kate's face when answered for me, my cheeks were burning with embarrassment.

"Excuse me I need to go to the ladies room." Christian looked down at me for a moment, realizing that I was upset and trying to hide it.

"Ana…" His voice was low, his brow furrowed.

"You know… that one drink…" I pushed into him with my hip and he finally began to slide over, releasing me from my booth prison.

"You know what Elliott, I have to go too…" She slid out of his grip and was standing next to me in an instant as I made my way to the bathroom quickly.

"Hey hold up a minute. Ana… What's wrong?" I pushed the bathroom door open and leaned against the sink.

"Nothing I just needed a second."

"Ana, you are crying. You are not a crier. What did he do? Did I miss something?" She scooted next to me sitting on the counter top, putting her arm over my shoulder.

"I had sex with him, like many many times." Her eyes widened in complete and utter shock.

"You didn't! Holy shit! I mean you couldn't go the simple route could you, no you had to pick Mr. Megalomaniac to fall in love with." My jaw dropped, I was not in love with him. She was crazy.

"I am not in love with him Kate."

"Yeah you are, you have it bad and so does he. You would not have slept with him otherwise."

She was right, I would never have had sex with him if there weren't feeling there, but was it love. Real love. I was not sure. Love was this abstract concept, something I wasn't even sure existed.

"So I don't understand why the sudden turn around?"

"Well he just makes me feel so stupid some times, I never can get my footing. I mean he didn't tell me who he was right away. I thought he was just Chris… just some guy. Then I come to find out he is Christian Grey!"

"I get it though, It must be hard finding someone who likes you for you. Elliott said that he has never gone after a girl. He was at the club the other night looking for you."

"See now how did he even know I was there in the first place." Her eyes widened, in question. The investigator in her trying to put the pieces together.

"That is a very good question Steele…. But that still does not explain the freak out today…I mean you were all lovey dovey and then bam!"

"He didn't ask me to his parent tonight. Elliott asked you right?"

"Yeah he asked me this morning. But that doesn't mean anything Ana, Elliott and Christian are very very different men."

"They're brothers how different could they be."

"Ana, they are both adopted. So they are not related by blood." Well holy shit, another bomb dropped. There was so much I didn't know, it was like a blaring neon sight. He was adopted, he couldn't be touched, he didn't do relationships… All these red flags and question marks. I had fallen down the Christian Grey rabbit hole and I hadn't even hit the ground yet.

"See this is what I mean I know nothing about him."

"Look I only know because I interviewed the man and spent weeks researching…It's not like Elliott told me his life story in the last twenty four hours."

"But he likes you enough for you to meet his mother, I mean that stands for something." She smiled, wistfully.

"I like him too. I just can't explain how I feel. Its so strange, the moment he touched me on that dance floor."

"You were done I get it… Blood related or not, these Grey men…"

"Have a certain something…Look, he likes you a lot, Elliott even thinks so. Maybe he would have invited you maybe not, but that does not change the fact that he can't take his hands or eyes off of you."

"I know, this is all just so out of my depth."

"It is, you skipped the kiddie pool and jumped right into the deep end… the one full of sharks…"

"Sink or swim…" I wiped at my eyes and turned to look at my self in the mirror. I looked different, deflowered, wearing clothes that I didn't buy for myself. They probably cost more then the entirety of my wardrobe at home. I was at one of the most exclusive places in all of Seattle, I never felt so out of place and out of sorts in all of my life. I finger combed my hair, I quickly braided it. Knowing that's how he liked it, wanting to catch him off guard. I smiled at my little dig and took a deep breath.

"Come on lets get back…

* * *

"Everything ok ladies?" Elliott asked with real concern, wrapping his arm around Kate the moment she sat down. Christian slid off the booth, his jaw tight as I slid in not allowing my face to give anything away. I pick up my drink and took the last sip.

"Everything is fine." I smiled at him broadly and went back to my food trying to act as normal as possible. "So Elliott, you really designed this place?" I looked around the huge space, its high curved ceilings covered in what looked like metal, reflecting the light around the room from the huge windows and transoms. There was a large scale stained glass installation wall contrasted the old knotty pine floors and aged metal based tables. It had the detail of a craftsman, but with this really ultra modern aesthetic.

"Yeah, I did. It was a labor of love. I poured over every detail."

"You also went over budget." Christian said almost snidely, his mood had darkened while I was gone. Good so had mine.

"It was so worth it Christian… It's a magical space… Like Frank Lloyd Wright meets Frank Gehry."

"Exactly Ana! Thank you…See she gets it Christian."

"Well if you like this Ana, wait until you see our parents house tonight. Elliott here designed that too." Kate shot me a look, that was half a smile half something else. Sure he was asking me now, after the fact. Now that he was kind of forced into it, I am sure Elliott gave him an earful after we left the table, twisting his arm into bringing me.

"I don't know if I can tonight. I mean I haven't been home for days and I have work tomorrow." His face dropped, it went from cocky to sad in an instant.

"Oh, I see. Well that's fine, you wont be missing much. Just the usual Grey family drama. Right Elliott?" There was a silent pause, as Elliott looked at me and Kate and then Christian.

"Right brother."

* * *

We said our goodbyes to Kate and Elliott in the parking garage and Christian and I rode the elevator up in complete silence. I wanted to cry again, but I held back. I would not give him the satisfaction. I just stood there, knotting my fingers, biting my lip. Waiting for the elevator bell to ring. The doors finally opened and I made my way into his apartment, acutely aware that we were very much alone. The place felt different when Gail and Taylor were not there.

I went to the bedroom and started to collect my things, folding them up into one of the shopping bags. I mean it was time to go, I have long overstayed my welcome.

"Ana what are you doing?" He leaned against the door frame, glairing at me.

"Well I am getting my things ready, it's like three. I am sure you have a lot to do before your parents. And I don't have my car here so I need Sawyer to take me home."

"Look I understand if you don't want to meet my family, but you don't have to leave. I wont be gone long."

"I never said I didn't want to meet your family."

"I asked you to come and you said no."

"That's because you were forced into it because Elliott asked Kate."

"That is ridiculous. I told you we had plans tonight…"

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did, I gave Gail the night off because we had dinner plans."

"You never told me those plans included your family…"

"Well I was going to but I didn't want to scare you off, then Elliott has to open his big mouth."

"Well wait then you wanted me to come."

"Yes of course I want you to come as in present tense. And for the record, I don't bring anyone to meet my family, it had never happened so yes this is potentially a big deal."

"Oh, I see."

"Oh, I see… that's all I get? Wait is this why you were upset at brunch because you thought I didn't want you there?"

"Maybe…"

"You are without a doubt the most exasperating women… Ana, how more clear can I be… I…like…you… A LOT! I want to be with you… Now can we please put this insecurity to rest. It is really exhausting."

"Condescending much…" He took two steps towards me, so we were only a few inches apart.

"Look I have work to do, do you want to come and meet my parents or not? Because I am not going to ask you again." I crossed my arms and took a step back, I couldn't hold my own when he was so close.

"You really haven't asked me yet… I mean you alluded, you said I would like the house, you have shamed… But an Ana dear would you please do me the honor of accompanying me to my parents home…. That hasn't happened yet." He gritted his teeth and shook his head before he smiled and scooped me up into his arms.

"Ana my darling dear would you please do me the immense honor of accompanying me to my parents over decorated, over designed home for an over priced meal and the Grey family banter?" I laughed at the inflection in his voice, the look in his eye.

"Sure, sounds like fun." He kissed me, a quick powerful closed mouthed kiss before he released me.

"I have had contract negations that have been less stressful. Why don't to go get ready, there is a dress hanging in my closet for you. I had Taylor pick it up this morning. I have some work to do. I will collect you at five." And just like that I was dismissed again.


	10. Chapter 10

Hello all! I have gotten much of new followers this week, so thank you for jumping in the pool with me! This chapter is where i take a huge step away from the story are we know it I hope you enjoy. please review, i cant wait to hear what you guys think...

XOXO PPP

* * *

Thankfully my lonely, Christianless afternoon went quickly and before I knew it I was in the back of his limo, on my way to meet his family. It felt surreal, less then two weeks ago I didn't even know who he was. I didn't know that men like him existed, that a life like this was possible. And now here I was in a limo, wearing a dress worth three times the amount in my savings account, I was sore from all the sex I had the night before. If anyone would have told me I would be here now, I would have laughed my ass off. Christian Grey wanted to be with me. And I couldn't understand why, he could have anyone and anything.

I started to panic, the car feeling very small. Maybe I was I just number sixteen. Another girl that Christian's will fuck and move on from, despite his protestations that he liked me… a lot, despite that he was bringing me to meet his family. I still had this lingering doubt, not so much about him but about myself.

I have seen this before, with my mother and whom ever she happened to be dating at the time. These men would get caught up in my mothers beauty and catching personality, like moths to the ever burning flame. For a while they would be happy, maybe she would even marry one or three of them. But then she would lose interest, a little bit at a time. Until it came to it's inevitable painful conclusion, for them mostly; Mom was already on to the next guy. After a while, I just couldn't take it anymore, the upheaval the drama. I begged to go live with my dad and thankfully, I got my way. The irony is that he isn't even my real father. My real father died before I was born but Ray took care of me, looked after me… He is my dad.

I didn't want to be the person that Christian left in the dust. The disposal girl of the month. I saw it in my father, he never really recovered from losing my mom. And I know that I have only known him for a few moments, but the thought of not having him in my life made me sad. Unbearably sad. I was beginning to think that Kate was right, that I was in fact in love with Christian Grey.

The closer we got to Christian's family home the more I wanted the limo to turn around. I was not ready to meet his family, I mean I have known him a week. This was crazy, insanity.

"Ana, baby are you ok?" He was talking on his phone, trying to close yet another deal. "Roz, I have to call you back. Make it happen I want this wrapped up tomorrow. Do not disappoint me."

He turned his body to me, and put his arm over my shoulder. It only added to my anxiety. I couldn't think straight when his hands were on me.

"I am fine… just nervous… I guess. Maybe this is all too soon."

"Probably, but we're here. So too late." Before I could think of a response, his mouth was on mine. His kiss calming and soothing me. "They are going to love you. Hell they will be thrilled that you even exist. There is not much you can do to mess this up Ana."

"Gee thanks…" I pulled at the hem of my dress, and ran my hands though my hair, trying to make myself feel presentable.

"You look beautiful Ana, breathtakingly so." The dress along with his complement was doing wonders for my confidence. Taylor had done well, really well. Gail was a lucky woman. It was a deep royal blue cashmere knit, deep cowl neck, long fitted sleeves, it came just above the knee. Taylor had even picked out black tights, and then I still had Kate's boots. I felt good, really good. There wasn't a sale item in sight.

"Thank you. You don't look to shabby yourself." The deep charcoal turtleneck, made his eyes pop, mixed with his dark washed jeans and black leather jacket. He was heart stopping hot.

I exhaled loudly as I looked over at his house. He took my hand in his, pulling me towards the door that Sawyer just opened. I resisted, pulling back. He turned to me, question on his face. I bit my lip, aware that I was doing it.

"Ana… what is it?"

"I have never met anyone family before. I am nervous."

"Ah, I see well I have never brought anyone here… Another fist for us. Come."

The doors to their stately home flew open and a small brown haired woman squealed with delight at the sight of us. I found it odd that she didn't hug him, but then I remembered that he didn't like to be touched and that extended to his family as well.

"Christian!"

"Hello Mia." He smiled at her, a genuine smile. Christian was a big brother, it dawned on me in that moment. He was a real person, not just some fictitious character living in my head for my amusement. "Mia, this is my girlfriend Ana, Ana this is my baby sister Mia."

"Oh my god Ana, I am so happy to meet you. Kate and Elliott have been filling us all in. Come in, mom and dad can't wait to meet you." She grabbed me by my hand and pulled me through the house. I looked back at Christian for some help but he just laughed, idly following behind.

I felt like I was on display as I walked into the living room. All eyes were on me, it was daunting. I was grateful Kate was there, a familiar face in the crowd. She smiled broadly when she saw me and waved.

"Ok, everyone lets get this all out of the way at once." Christian's voice was booming behind me. "This is Ana, she is my girlfriend. No I am not gay." He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and I relaxed against him, laughing about his announcement.

"Ana dear it is a pleasure to meet you." A stunning women, her name suited her perfectly. She had this energy, and it was clear to me why all of her children seemed to glow, blood was no match for love.

"Ana, this is my mother Grace." She took my hand in her and gave it a small squeeze.

"Thank you so much for having me."

"Thank you so much for coming. I am Carrick, the father. Its nice to meet you Ana. Please come and sit. We were just talking about you."

"All good things I hope."

His family was unlike anything I had ever experienced, they were warm and open, kind and inclusive. I felt like I had known them for years, we talked about everything. Movies, politics, design, books. It was all open for discussion, the conversation carried on tonight dinner. Christian and Elliott were right, snarky banter flowed like the wine, and I was drunk in it. Laughing and happy.

"Ok, enough of this… Why don't you tell us why we have all gathered here today." Elliot spoke up first, but I knew it was on Christian's mind too.

"Seriously mom, we have been on bated breath all day." Mia looked at Grace with worry on her face as she spoke and suddenly I felt like Kate and I should not have been there.

"Is something wrong are you or dad sick?" In the short time I had known Elliott he had never sounded so serious and somber, there was a transformation in him just for a split second. I could see Christian's body tighten, his jaw clenched in preparation for what was coming next.

"No Elliott, its nothing like that." Carrick exhaled and took a sip of his wine before he began. "Your mother has been working with a patient. A little girl brought into the ER a few weeks ago."

"Her name is Olivia." Grace chimed in, taking Carrick's hand in hers. "She was badly beaten, abused."

"How old is she?" The pain in Christian's voice was measurable. I reached under the table and rested my hand on his knee, just to remind him that I was there. He placed his hand over mine and held it tightly.

"She is seven, almost eight." Grace looked at Christian as she spoke, carefully measuring her words to his mood. "She hasn't spoken since she was brought in but I feel this intense connection with her. The same way I felt when I met you three little devil angels. So your father and I have been discussing it and we would like to adopt her. We wanted to run it past you all first."

"Of course you should, without question." I smiled at Christian's immediate affirmation, the certainly in his voice. "If you feel that strongly about her, then you must."

"I am with you big brother… Olivia… I have always wanted a sister. You two boys are like no fun at all."

"I am with the two of them, the more the merrier." Kate beamed at Elliott, leaning in kissing his cheek. I could see relief wash over Grace's face and a wayward tear fall from her cheek. I could feel this burning in the back of my throat, wanting to cry myself. Kate and I made eye contact and smiled, just grateful to be part of this moment I guess.

"Where is she now?"

"Well Christian, she is still in the hospital. I am releasing her tomorrow and she will be relinquished into our care until we can get all the legalities in order."

"She is not speaking?"

"No she is not."

"So then you really have no idea what she has been through." I could only imagine what this poor child had endured. The thought of it made my stomach turn.

"We know enough. More then I would like to know actually. I called Flynn this morning and he has agreed to come to the house and meet with her."

"Good, Flynn is very good. What about the person who put her in the hospital?" I was wondering the same thing.

"We don't know…"

"What do you mean you don't know?!" Grace took a long pause before she began to answer, I could tell she wanted to speak to Christian alone. He seemed to be the most disturbed by what had happened. Elliott and Mia were more focused on the future with their new sister, while Christian was more focused on her past. It spoke volumes, and a small piece about why Christian couldn't be touched started to come together.

"Well she was found… look lets not talk about all of this tonight. The good news is that you all are going to have a new little sister and we are going to have a new daughter, the how's and why's can all be answered another day."

I could feel his anger, it was leaching out of him along with sadness. I laced my fingers with his, and he finally looked at me, his grey eye heavy. I smiled just a half smile, and he leaned down and pressed his lips gently to mine.

"Are you ok?" I whispered, his breath on my lips.

"Yeah…" He kissed my nose and then took a quick sip of his wine before he stood up from the table. "Ok, then Ana and I are going to head out. I guess I will see you all tomorrow night for the arrival of the newest Grey?"

"Yes, tomorrow, around four. Does that work for everyone?" Grace looked around the table at the nodding heads and it was settled. She then stood and put her hand on Christians shoulder and whispered something in his ear. He nodded and grumbled something that I couldn't understand.

"Ana, dear. It was wonderful meeting you. I am so glad my boy here has found you." She wrapped me in her arms and held me tight, when she pulled away I could see the tears in her eyes and I couldn't stop the ones forming in mine.

"Look at us, such an emotional day. I will see you both tomorrow." We said our goodbyes to the reminder of the group and were finally back in the calm solitude of his limo.

"Sawyer, take us to Ana's apartment." He raised the glass divider and we were finally alone. "I figured you could pickup a few things. I have a call in with my personal shopper, expect a delivery at Escala tomorrow, but you will need something for work."

'You don't need to buy me anything, I have things."

"That may be true, but indulge me. I like to spoil and you my dear are in dire need of spoiling." there was a distance in his eyes, his mind was someplace else and I wished I could read his mind.

"Are you ok? I mean Olivia…"

"I am thrilled that mom and dad are adopting her… I just cant imagine how anyone could beat a small child."

"Either can I, I just don't understand it. But kids are stronger then they look. Olivia is very lucky that she has been found, but such an amazing family. Its going to be ok."

"It doesn't change the damage that has already been done…" His voice trailed off and he shook his head, turning his attention back to me. "Ana, come here."

I slid closer to him and in one motion he had me on his lap. His sweet mouth tinged with wine gently caressing mine. He pushed my dress up on my hips running his fingers along my thighs, the fabric of my tights the only thing between us.

"These are quite a nuisance."

"You're the one who bought them for me."

"In that case." I felt the pressure of his fingers, as he tore through the fabric. The sensation was oddly arousing, as my tights became crotch less. He put this thumbs into the hem of my panties pulling on them gently. "I bought these too right?" I nodded breathless as he tore through those as well. Exposing just enough of me, he pushed two fingers inside, I moaned wanting this all night. I grabbed at his belt and zipper, freeing him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a condom. My eyes locked with his has he ripped it open with his teeth and rolled it over his shaft. He pulled me towards him, positing my opening right over his cock and pushed me down, filling me in one thrust. Pushing into me over and over, his hands firmly at my waist guiding me, down over again and again. He picked up his speed and force and I realized when he meant now about fucking hard. There was not hint of my loving gentle Christian, this was all together different. He grabbed both of my wrists, holding them behind my back with his left hand, and then his right hand was on my overly sensitive nub, coaxing me in to submission. I leaned back, as he pulled on my arms, feeling the stretch in my core, feeling every inch of him inside of me. This was fucking unreal, my body felt disconnected from my mind, we were just nerves and friction and velocity. A mess of sounds and movement. And then like a bomb exploding in my body, I came. I came from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, every part of me on fire. The pain I was feeling only fueled the pleasure and I understood what he was talking about.

"Fuck Ana…" I loved hearing him say my name, it only made me want him more. He released my arms, and I rested them on the seat behind him for support. I felt like he had removed every bone in my body. "Baby, you see…"

"I do…"

"You have no idea what I can make you feel. What I can do to you. You just have to let me."


	11. Chapter 11

Hello everyone! Thank you to the new followers and for all your reviews... Please keep reviewing... I am so glad you guys are liking the addition of Olivia... I was on the fence about that idea...

Enjoy the next chapter! Thanks for reading!

XOXO PPP

* * *

He was acting distant and quiet. I had tried talking to him but he kept responding with one word answers, intermittently taking phone calls and barking orders. I knew that his parents news was getting to him, this new child and her past stirring up old ghosts. Ghosts that Christian liked to keep hidden but very close. I wanted him to feel like he could tell me anything, that no matter what he said I would be ok.

After several failed attempts at starting a conversation I chose the one topic that I knew he couldn't and wouldn't resist. I felt kind of bad taking the easy route but he had left me no choice.

"What did you mean before when you said I just have to let you?" We were sitting at the bar in the kitchen, I was eating a bowl of cereal. It was amusing watching him prepare it for me. I was really to nervous to eat at Christian's parents house and was starving by the time we got back to Escala. He took a sip of his wine and looked me over before he answered.

"In the limo?"

"Yeah." I nodded as I answered, waiting to see if the fish would take the bait.

"Do you really want to know Ana?" There was something in the way he said it, that gave me a moments pause. Did I really want to know…

"Yea, I think so." I exhaled loudly, with a shrug of my shoulders, still not sure. He smiled and took my near empty bowl out of my hands. He kissed the top of my head and lead me back down the hallway, to the red room. I was beginning to wish I didn't ask. There was something about that room that made me really excited and really terrified at the same time. There was also this lingering feeling, something I couldn't place; Maybe it was the ghosts of the fifteen women that came before me. I wondered about them. I wondered if he treated them the way he has been treating me; with such care and concern. I wondered if they cared for him the way I did; so much so quickly. If they felt how I was feeling, standing in this huge orange scented room, with fearful anticipation. Full of want and hunger, fear and dread.

He stood before me, his body tall, shoulders wide. He was more himself here than any place I had seen him. He was relaxed, at ease in this familiar environment.

"You see Ana, there are things I can do to you in here, things that will make you scream, cry, beg…I can make you feel like everything is possible, because in here everything is. But there is a price for that, you have to give yourself over to me, one hundred percent." My belly dropped at he spoke, the tone in his voice sent a shiver down my spine. _Everything is possible…_

"So I would have no say, in what you did to me. I don't know if I could do that Christian. To have no say at all?" I crossed my arms around myself, as my eyes wandered around the room. I felt small, and on the defensive. My mind flashing back to that night into the hotel room with Jack Hyde.

"No, you wouldn't not unless you safe word. But we would discuss your limits before hand."

"Uh, ok safe word?" How could I even be entertaining this, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Playrooms and safe words, limits, submission.

"It is a word of your choosing that would tell me when you have had enough."

"Stop, no, please… those don't work."

"No because you wouldn't really mean them."

"So would we draw up a contract of do's and don'ts"

"If you were my sub, yes. But you are not, nor will you ever be my sub, so no contracts. Just an understanding that when we are in this room, you are mine to do with what I please with the exception of your limits." I kind of felt like I was his to do what he pleased. He had bended me around quite enough already, not that I was complaining but what more could he really do. I was out of my depth in so many ways.

"So what are your limits Christian?"

"I don't like fire or burning. As you know I can't be touched in certain places."

"I see, and your previous subs… what were their limits?"

"It was different for everyone, some didn't like anal, some didn't want to be caned. Others didn't want to be gagged."

"I wouldn't want to be caned or gagged either."

"But anal is fine?"

"Uh, no… I mean… um… I don't know… maybe… I have no idea."

"See and this is what we would work out…after that it is all very freeing Ana. Then the fun would begin?"

"Like what for example?" He looked at me with a small smile on his face, his eyebrows raised in question "I am not asking or agreeing, I am curious what this room entails."

"Well that is a loaded question. First I would have you strip naked and kneel in the corner until I was ready for you. From there the sky is the limit. I have wanted to spank you since the moment we met."

"Are you serious?" My eyes were wide, I thought back to that first moment we met and I couldn't help but smile.

"Very serious, I wanted to put you over that leather chair in the atrium, lift up your dress and spank you over and over until you came. Then I would fuck you from behind."

"I see." My inner goddess swooned, while my inner feminist was making protest signs. I had never been more conflicted, horrified and turned at the same time.

"I have also wanted to tie you to this bed, your hands and your feet so you can't move, I have this leather crop. I think you would appreciate it."

"A crop, like for horses. You want to beat me with a crop and fuck me." Holy shit, he had some fucking nerve. This was not what I wanted. I wanted a man who would make love to me, flowers and hearts and all that crap… Not spankings and riding crops.

"Ana, it would not be like that, trust me. You would love every second of it. You are made for this, I realized that in the limo tonight. You liked it when I had your hands bound, and you have that little flash of pain. You came harder because of it." He was right, I did. It was so intense and overwhelming and exciting. My body didn't even feel like my own, it felt like his. I could fell my heart rate quicken, I swallowed trying to relax.

"Ok, I have heard enough. I am really exhausted. Can we go to sleep now."

"Just sleep?" he looked disappointed as I shook my head yes. Like a little boy who was just told no.

"Yes, I have work tomorrow and honestly I am really sore… like really really sore…" Every muscle in my body ached, not to mention the throbbing pain in my core.

"Baby you should have said something…"

"No its fine, I just want to sleep. I know you don't like me in your bed so maybe Sawyer should just take me home." I didn't want to leave I liked being here with him, around him.

"No Ana, we just left your place…I want you here. I like you in my bed but…"

"But you don't want to wake up with my head on your chest again."

"No I don't, but there is a solution to this problem."

"What you tie me up so I cant move?" His face lit up at my suggestion.

"That's not a bad idea actually but no. I will just have to hold you."

* * *

I watched Ana as she slid into my bed, her small frame leaning against mine. She let out a small sigh of relief as her head hit the pillow and my arms wrapped around her. She was in one of my tee-shirts a makeshift night gown, it hung off her body in such an appealing way I wanted to… No, she was sore. Of course she was, I was not gentle in the limo. Not even a little bit but I did restrain myself, had I done what I really wanted to do we would still be in there with poor Sawyer diving us around the city.

I had felt crazed since leaving my parents house. The news of this small child, being beaten and abuse left for dead was too much for me to bare. I knew these things happen every second of every day all over the world. But this child had a connection to my mother and therefore had a connection to me.

I knew better then anyone the effects an abusive childhood could have. Here I have this lovely, virginal innocent woman in my bed and I am telling her about subs, and playroom, whips and crops. I am a horrible man, but god help me I couldn't stop myself. My mind racing with all the things I could do with her. It had been such a long time since I had been in that room with someone. All these months trolling clubs, randomly fucking for the sake of fucking; no last names no limits.

I can feel Ana move and then wince and I feel like an even bigger asshole. I have had her four times, I should have waited, given her body a chance to recover.

"Ana are you ok?" I tuck my nose behind her ear and kiss her lobe, I can feel her shudder just a bit, so I do it again.

"Yes, I am…fine… just tired… I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow."

"Ana, you don't have to do anything."

"No Christian YOU don't have to do anything. The rest of us have bills to pay." If she had any idea about the bills I pay she would lose her mind.

"Ana all I am saying is that…"

"Christian stop, please. I am going to work tomorrow."

"Fine…"

"I just wish…never mind, it does not matter what I wish.. It is what it is…" There is an immense sadness in her voice, full of regret and angst and it saddens me that Ana is so defeated. That six months out of school and the world has beaten her into a cubicle doing something she hates. My anger for Jack Hyde grows by the day, all this hate for a man I haven't even met yet.

"Ana… I want to ask you something…"

"Um, ok?"

"What happened with you and Jack Hyde in New York?" It had been driving me crazy, thinking that some asshole put his hands on her if she didn't want him to. And to add insult to injury blacklisting her. I had made a few phone calls and Ana was right, he had called all the publishing houses in the area.

"Well…um… he was always a little touchy. But no one seemed to say anything or mind… And I was not interested in him… So I just thought it was what it was. But he was also snide, you know… even mean. But it was usually because he was having a bad day and he was my boss so I dealt with it. When the trip to New York came up I was actually excited to go. He really sold me on it, and I thought it was going to be a stepping stone." I could hear her voice waiver and crack and I wanted to rip his fucking face off.

"Anyway we get there and we had this small meeting in the NY offices and then dinner with the team. It was nice, he went out of his way to include me…So we go back to the hotel and he asks me to come to his room, to go over some stuff for the big meeting the next day. I object and ask if we can do it down stairs instead. He agrees, saying we can work and have a drink but he needs my help getting the paperwork and laptops to bring down. I stupidly agreed and…" She stops and takes a deep breath, I pulled her body closer to mine and she relaxes against me.

"Ana, its ok…"

"Uh, he slapped me. Like really hard… I didn't see it coming. Its all kind of a blur after that. I mean he pushed on the bed and tore my dress… it was Kate's dress actually… He was saying awful hateful things as he was kissing me, or trying to kiss me…But then I heard my dads voice in my head and I kneed him in the balls, and then I kicked him when he was down." The anger and rage was pumping through my body, I was forcing myself to calm down, for Ana's sake. I couldn't wait for Jack Hyde to get what was coming to him.

"You kicked him?"

"Twice actually and then I ran…Grabbed my stuff and hightailed it to the airport."

"That son of a bitch…" We laid there for a while, her back to my front, her body tucked into mine. Her gentle breathing calming me down.

"You know what Christian he did me a favor… if not for him… I wouldn't be right here… right now…" I smiled at the thought as I kissed the back of her head.

"Fair point well made."


	12. Chapter 12

I am standing there in the doorway helpless, too far away to do anything. She is filthy, her hair in a knotted mess, her clothes stained and ripped. Her eyes are dark and hollow, there is no part of her left. She is telling me to stay back, telling me she is lonely… I command her to put down the gun, but she won't. She just stands there and tells me no, that she can't, that it is too late. That she is already dead, that I am dead and that this life with out love is not a life worth living. I tell her that I love her, that I always did, but she knows that I am lying. She knows I am not capable of love or joy, all I can offer is pain and pleasure and maybe safety. She laughs, this crazy haunting laugh and then she utters her last words…

"You never loved me Master, you wanted my pain so you could avoid yours…"

"Leila, put the gun down, now. I will take you home to Escala, and take care of you. Like I used to."

"You need to change Christian, before it's too late."

It took an instant, she placed the gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger… I am screaming… shaking her to wake up, I am cold and hungry and scared and I want her to wake up. But she is so cold. I play with her hair, it is so pretty, and soft.

"Mommy, wake up." I keep saying it over and over, until I fall asleep next to her.

"Christian… Wake up! It's me Ana… Please wake up."

My eyes shoot open and I am in my bed and Ana s next to me, it was just a dream. My heart is beating out of my chest and my skin is burning. I can still smell the heavy iron scent of Leila's blood, and the stench of my mothers dead body. My stomach turning. I focus my eyes on Ana's sweet face, the early morning sun is peeking into the room and while her face is full of worry, it is the most beautiful one I have ever seen.

"Are you ok? You were screaming Christian. I want to touch you… but…" She stops speaking, her voice choked, tears welling in her eyes. I have scared her, she is seeing me at my worst and weakest. Another reason I like to sleep alone. The nights have never been kind to me.

"Ana, I was dreaming. I am fine. It's fine."

"No, its not. I am worried about you." I don't want to talk, I don't want to think. I want to bury myself in this women before me and forget. I run my finger through her hair, and lean into kiss her.

"No, Christian no." She pulls away from me and I know I have fucked up, letting her behind the curtain. Seeing my fifty shades of fucked up. Women like the illusion better. "You can't distract me with kisses. You cant fuck your issues away, no matter how hard you try."

Fair point well made, score one for Ana. I felt like she just slapped me across the face. This girl was different, she was not going to be told anything. "Talk to me, tell me whats going on."

"Ana, I appreciate your willingness to help me, but I pay a shrink large sums of money to root around in me head. I am fine, I had a bad dream it happens. Please lets just go back to sleep."

She looked at me aggravated, throwing the covers off of her body storming off into the bathroom slamming the door behind her. I had never experienced anything like this, a woman pounding around my room, pissed. Pissed at me. If this is what having a girlfriend was, it was certainly amusing; if nothing else. I called out her name once and then again and then I heard the shower turn on. A shower sounded good to me. I got up off the bed, stripping off my pants as I made it to the door, my cock hardening with each step, eager to get the morning started off right. Only to find that she had locked the god dammed door, she had locked me out of my own fucking bathroom. My hand twitched at the thought, I wanted to take her over my knee and spank the fuck out of her, just to get the balance of power back on my side. I had to keep reminding myself that Ana was not my sub, she was my girlfriend. And because of that the balance of power would always teeter on her side. I laughed at myself, standing there naked with a hard on in front of a locked door. I turned on my heel, and fell back into bed, pulling the covers over my head. This was fucking crazy.

She appeared a little while later, wrapped in a towel, a puff of steam following her out of the door. She stood by the bed, her arms crossed against her chest.

"Christian, I didn't want to talk about Jack last night. If it was up to me I would never have to say his name ever again, no less to tell you the details of how he tried to fuck me. But you asked and I trusted you enough to tell you. If you don't trust me that's fine, but then I cant trust you either. You cant ask me to give myself over to you, ask me to surrender my body to your whims. I also have to have a certain about of control in my relationships and you are asking me to give that up… and I am considering it but I cant do it like this. I won't." Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Ana, look you are right, ok… but I can't talk about it."

"Fine."

"Ana…"

"No its fine. I get it." She walked over to the drawers I had given her, pulling out panties. She put them on like she was in a locker room at the gym. Using her towel to hide her body from me. She then turned her back to me and put in her bra. My mind going back to a day ago, when I had the pleasure of doing that. I watched her put on a tight black tweed skirt and white button down shirt, despise the poor quality of the clothing she still looked beautiful. I couldn't wait for her shipment to arrive, she should be dressed in satins and silks.

"Ana, its six in the morning. You are acting like a spoiled child, who has not gotten their way. This has nothing to do with you. This has to do with me… There are limits to what I am willing to share, it has been that my entire life and that is not going to change just because you want them to."

"You want them to change too and deep down you know it. That's why I am here and not some random sub. You came looking for me Christian, you were looking for more then someone to fuck hard. If you don't want to admit it that's fine, but I know the truth and deep down so do you."

This woman loved to knock me on my ass, time and time again. She didn't hold back, she didn't give up. She pushed and reached and grabbed. No one had ever really done that before, except maybe Elena. And that was an entirety different thing. That had more to do with her then it ever did with me. I shudder now, thinking about my time spent with Elena, all the things we did together, all the things making me who I am today.

And now here Ana was, changing me or at least trying to. But with Ana it was about me, she wanted to make me a better man, and fuck if I can resist her. Leila was right…

"You need to change Christian, before it's too late."

"Ana, I need more time, just like you do… You are not ready for my playroom and I wont force you just like you cant force me to talk about my past… until I am ready." She furrowed her brow and huffed a little, my words in her head, shifting her point of view. I could feel the power lean back in my favor.

"Fair point well made Mr. Grey."

* * *

It was a cold, windy sunny morning. I wrapped my coat around my body and slid into the warm cocoon of Christian's limo; Smiling broadly at Taylor as I did.

I had drawn a line in the sand this morning and Christian was the ocean tide that came along and washed it all away. He was right, I couldn't force him until he was ready but his screams in the night, his body sweaty, calling for his mother. It broke my heart into a million pieces. I wanted to help him, I wanted to understand.

He slid into the limo behind me weaving his fingers in mine, and exhaled. I leaned in close and rested my head on his shoulder.

"So Taylor, did you and Gail have a nice uh… day off?" I couldn't keep the sly smile off of my face as I saw the panic flash across his.

"Yes Miss Steele, we had a very nice day."

"And a good night?" Christian shot me a look, telling me I was crossing a line, but I ignored him.

"Yes that too." Taylor laughed as he answered "A very nice night."

"Good I am glad…So you and Gail…"

"Ana, please let Taylor do his job…"

"Oh, I didn't realized her couldn't talk and drive. You really should hire someone capable of doing two things at once. Sorry Taylor…" I saw him chuckle again, as Christian pressed the button putting up the divide.

"That was very rude Christian."

"Ana, there is a line… Gail and Taylor work for me… and in a way they work for you now too. You must keep the lines clear… or it gets confusing." I was getting tired of the box he kept himself in. All these walls keeping him hidden.

"That is your problem, too many lines and rules an contracts… Who are your friends Christian… Who do you love and who loves you back… That is all that matters…"

"I don't have the love gene Ana… I don't love people and they don't love me…"

"That is nonsense, I love you…and I am a person…" Holy FUCK, I just told Christian I loved him, after knowing him for just a few weeks and dating him for just a few days. A small smile cured up in the corner of his mouth and his eyes were bright.

"Excuse me?" I could feel my face start to burn, my chest tight. My inner goddess was mortified for me.

"I… well… you… never mind…" I bit my lip just to stop babbling and then in an instant Christians mouth was on mine. The hit of coffee on his lips, his tongue moving in perfect tandem with mine, his hands under my coat around my waist pulling me closer. I could think or breathe, I could move. I just wanted to kiss him over and over. He pulled his mouth away from mine, his lips inches from mine.

"We're here baby…"

"Where?" I looked over his shoulder, we were not at The Grey Building, we were in front of SIP, my stomach dropped as my heart jumped into my throat. "What are we doing here?"

"Well… I bought it…Lets go fire Jack Hyde shall we."


	13. Chapter 13

I could not believe what I just heard. My mind is racing in a hundred different directions. He bought SIP, he bought a publishing house, because of me. Maybe even for me. This was not a normal, I mean couldn't he just buy me some flowers maybe a nice purse. No Christian Grey buys you a whole fucking company.

"Christian you can't be serious." I pulled my hand out of his and shifted my body away from him, in complete and total shock. His face changed as I pulled away, I could see the doubt creep up in him.

"I am, you said it would make you happy. So I bought it…" He said it so easily, like he was asking me about the weather or where we wanted to go for dinner.

"Was it even for sale?" He smirked and rubbed his finger over his chin.

"Well, no… But that has never stopped me before."

"I can't believe you did this… for me… this is too much."

"Ana, I want you happy, I want you doing what you love and you love publishing. And after what he did to you I couldn't resist firing Hyde…Come, lets do this. Roz is waiting for us."

"Roz, wait… this is the deal you have been working on all weekend…"

"Yes it is."

* * *

We walked into the SIP offices hand in hand, Taylor right behind, to the open mouths of everyone we passed from reception to marketing. Sawyer was already there with another man that I didn't know, standing on either side of the conference room door. Jack sat at the head of the conference table, flanked by Elizabeth on one side and who I assumed was his new assistant on the other. The smug look on Jack's face dropped when he saw me enter the room on Christian's arm. I felt an overwhelming sense of satisfaction. Take that asshole! Christian quietly introduced me and sat next to Roz on the other side of the conference table. I couldn't help the sly smile on my face as he and I locked eyes. Christian caught this little moment and chuckled.

"Miss Michaels, could you please excuse us, Hyde won't be needing you today." The young girl, jumped out of her seat eager to leave this tension filled room, I was tempted to join her.

It was just the five of us now, sitting there waiting for Christian to speak again. "So I guess you are wondering why we are all here today. My name is Christian Grey and as of this morning I am the new owner of SIP. I am going to be making some changes…Starting with management." Jack shifted in his seat. 'I think it goes without saying that your services are no longer needed Hyde." Jack shot me a look, seething with hatred and anger. He stood abruptly and pounded his fist on the deck.

"Fuck you Grey!"

"Such language Hyde, you see men like you…. The ones who feel like they have to force themselves on women… Women like Ana, and you Elizabeth…" Shock spread across both of our faces, as Elizabeth and I locked eyes.

"You can't fire me, this place runs because of me. Just because your little cock tease girlfriend got her feelings hurt, you are going to destroy this entire company!"

I could see Christians demeanor change when Jack call me a cock tease. He stood, placing his hands on the table leaning forward, his voice was deep and in command.

"This place will flourish with out you. I have hired Peyton Forbes to take your place." Holy shit, Peyton Forbes… She was like a legend. I could not believe what I was hearing. "With you gone, the women that work here can focus on their jobs and not getting fucked and taped by you." Jack's eyes grew wide, realizing his power was gone and there was nothing he could do to regain it. He looked at Elizabeth who was crying silently and then back to me with such anger and rage. "If you are going to video tape your treachery you should at least keep it on a secure server, It took my security team minutes to find them. They have of course all been deleted… So you have your freedom back Elizabeth."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, shock was not even the word to express it. I felt sick to my stomach, the idea that there could be a video of Jack forcing himself on me. I shuddered, a wave of nausea passing through me. I wondered if Christian had seen it, I could feel the tears welling in my own eyes but I refused to give Jack the satisfaction.

It happened so quickly, Jack ran, yelling profanities and lunged at Christian. He never even got close, Taylor was spry and took him down in a split second. Both men hitting the floor was a thud that shook the entire room. I jumped up, as Christian wrapped his arms around me, placing he body in front of mine, blocking my view of Hyde getting his ass kicked by Taylor's expert hands. We all watched as Sawyer and the other guard pulled a rabid Jack Hyde out of the building to places unknown.

Elizabeth looked like a dear in the headlights, her hands shaking as she sat back into the chair and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She took a few deep breaths, as we sat back down at the table.

"Elizabeth, why don't you take a few minutes and then call the rest of the staff in here I am sure they are curious to find out what is going on."

"Aren't I fired too." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"No, you are not. You will be instrumental in the transition. Peyton won't be in Seattle for another week. You have a great reputation, that can't be marred by Hyde. So yes you still have a job. Why don't you go clean yourself up and call everyone else in."

In a matter of minutes everything had been turned upside down. I had a million questions, and twice as many fears.

"I know you must have a lot to ask me, we can discuss it all later. For now, lets just get through the rest of this meeting." He placed his hand on my knee, and I nodded once, placing my hand over his as the rest of the company filtered in.

I listened intently as he explained that he was the new owner effective immediately. I watched the shocked and smiling faces when they were told that Hyde was fired and Peyton Forbes would be their new boss and I was to be her assistant. I felt a surge of happiness rush through me, I was going to be Peyton Forbes' assistant. I was going to learn from the best, it was like a dream come true and I had Christian to thank. Peyton was a publishing powerhouse, her father was the founder of Forbes Publishing. She took it over in her thirties and but her fortieth birthday it was the largest and most successful house in the world. She grew tired of churning out the big hits, books destined to be blockbuster movies. She wanted to do smaller projects, meaningful ones and in a move that stunned many she sold her company lock stock and barrel. She took years off to raise her daughter Millie who had just graduated college and was now working for biotech firm in Seattle. All of the pieces of this puzzle were coming together.

Christian explained that SIP would now be known as Grey Publishing and that the offices would be moved across town to the Grey Building. He asked that they all pack up their desks, and clearly mark their boxes. The movers would be there tomorrow. He also told them that everyone sans management had the rest of the week off with pay. In a matter of minutes he had managed to ease their worried minds and assure them that things would only be getting better. It was my mind still in limbo, wondering if it were true hoping it was not.

* * *

We got back in the limo and I couldn't contain it any longer I broke down crying in Christian's arms. It was all too much, too fast. Seeing Hyde, the news that her had video of Elizabeth, maybe even me. Then the amazing news of Peyton Forbes working for the company that Christian had bought for me just to make me happy. I was hysterical and sobbing on his shoulder.

"Baby, its going to be ok. Fuck, I shouldn't have brought you in there. I just wanted you to see the look on his face…What was I thinking…"

Taylor passed me a handkerchief and I noticed that his knuckles were bleeding. He shrugged it off and said he was fine, but it was just another part of this overwhelming wonderful but awful day. I took a few deep breaths and wiped my eyes before I could speak.

"Christian, is there a video of me and Jack?" He nodded, confirming my fears. "And you have seen it?"

"I have yes…" His voice was a growl, his jaw tight. He had seen it.

"Before or after I told you what happened?"

"After, I watched it this morning. I just found out about its existence. The videos of the others were kept on the SIP server, I saw those days ago. The one of you was on his SIP laptop…"

'You shouldn't have watched it, I didn't want you seeing me like that…" My mind replayed those awful moments over and over, I felt disgusted now knowing that Christian had seen it too. "Taylor…did you watch it as well?"

Taylor and Christian locked eyes in the rearview and Christian gave him a small nod.

"Yes Miss Steele." I could hear the controlled anger in his voice and now I understood why he beat Jack the way he did. It was payback.

"You didn't tell me everything Ana…" Christian's voice dropped an octave, filled with sadness. My bottom lip began to quiver, he had seen the video he knew everything.

"No, I didn't…I omitted…"


	14. Chapter 14

Hey everyone! I just wanted to let you know that I am on Facebook and Twitter... FB: Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps or through the Fifty Shades of Grey FanFiction Group page... on Twitter it is Perhapsperhaps1 Please follow and Friend! I look forward to talking with all of you more!

Ok, this chapter was very hard for me to get down on paper... so i hope you guys enjoy it and understand that it fits into the bigger frame work of the story...

Also I have been getting a lot of great review how you guys like the direction i am taking Ana and Christian. Thank you for that. I wanted to write a different kind of story where their realtionship was more equal, there was a balance of power ( which is necessary for a healthy relationship) For that to happen Ana and CG needed to have things happen to them causing a change in who they were at their core, their fiber... so for CG it was Leila sucide and for Ana it is what you are about to read... I am really looking forward to your reviews on this one.

Also, I don't plan to ever go into any kind of detail about what happened to Olivia, that is not the kind of story I want to write... so just wanted to let you guys know that I was not going there. I want to write about her future not her past...

Thank you all for reading...

XOXO PPP

* * *

Ana and I were sitting in the kitchen quietly eating breakfast. She still was being cold and somewhat distant out our earlier argument, but she didn't stop me from rubbing her back as she ate her toast and she did kiss me on he forehead when she walked around to put her plate in the sink; much to Gail's chagrin.

Ana was a huge question mark. I could not dominate her, I could not make her do anything she didn't want to. I could not control her moods, her feelings, her body and I wanted to. I wanted what was safe and familiar, but that would get me no where. I had to fight and resist myself and my mind and in that there was an element of control.

I wanted to tell her everything, I did but somehow I couldn't. I wanted to tell her about my mother and the man with the cigarettes, about Elena and the subs. I wanted her to know me really know me but I worried that if she knew all the details that somehow she would want me less. And I couldn't live in a world where Ana didn't want me.

"Mr. Grey."

"Yes Taylor?" I could see on his face that something was amiss, it went unnoticed by Ana and Gail and that is what was important.

"Can I speak to you in your office please?" I nodded, and then smiled at Ana telling her I would be back in a little while. I followed Taylor into my office and sat behind my desk. He hesitated to speak, which was not like him.

"Well?"

"Sir, Welsh found a video on Hyde's laptop. A video he made of Ana that night in the hotel room." His words ran through me head, pounding in it. My entire body tightened, wishing Hyde was in front of me right at this very moment.

"Did you see it Taylor." He gave his head one firm shake, and I knew it was bad. "Show me…" He came around the desk and opened the file on my laptop. Ana appeared on the screen.

She was smiling and happy, her arms full of papers and files, as Hyde stood behind her.

"Ana, did you have a good time tonight?" He took off his jacket as he spoke, his voice low and menacing.

"I really did Jack, thank you so much for bringing me here. I have always wanted to come to New York." She was so innocent then, even more so then when I met her. He had taken that from her.

"Good very good, you got what you wanted and now I should get what I want." Ana turned to him, confusion in her face. There was not even a chance for her to react, he swung back and slapped her sending her flying backwards and the papers scattering around the room. Taylor and I both growled at the impact, and he had already watched this once. I grabbed the arms of my chair, trying to keep calm. Ana screamed for him to stop as he pushed her on to the bed and slapped her again.

"You little whore, thinking you could walk around wearing this dress and being all sweet and cute. Teasing me." He tore the strap of her dress and pulled down her bra, exposing her breasts. It was in this moment I knew Ana had not told me everything. And the fear began to take hold.

"Jack, please… It doesn't have to be like this…" She pleaded, trying to trick him. Smart move, but he wasn't going to fall for it.

"It will be exactly how I want it." With that he ripped off her panties and threw them to the floor. My head was screaming no… over and over again. She fought and kicked, trying to stop him and then she cried out, and I knew his fingers were inside of her.

"Well, well… you're not a whore after all… You're a fucking virgin aren't you Ana. I am going to enjoy this more then I thought." The night of our first date played over in my head, and now it became clear to me why Ana reacted the way she did when I questioned her virginity. Why she has been so standoffish with me and why she was so opposed to my red room.

I could hear her crying, despite the string of hateful things Jack was saying. He finally leaned down to kiss her, and that is when she made her move. She bit his lip, and kneed him in the groin. He doubled over in pain and fell to the floor. Ana scrambled off the bed, trying to cover herself and then kicked him in the groin again, a smile on her face as he howled out in pain. She then kicked him in the stomach and ran out of the room.

It took me a moment to regain my composure as I slammed the laptop closed, I slammed my fist in the table once and then again. Ignoring the pain. I was rabid, enraged and just as mad at myself as I was at Hyde.

"Sir, if it goes down to day. I will take care of Hyde." I raised my eyebrows and shook my head no. Taylor put his hand on my shoulder. "Christian, if you do it… you will kill him. I am just the right amount of angry… I will kick his fucking ass but he wont end up in the hospital. You on the other hand are in love with Ana and will send him to the morgue. And Hyde will win…"

I took a deep breath and unclenched my fists, keeping my thoughts focused on Ana and what she needed. She needed me strong and present and there, not in jail.

"Fine, let's go I don't want to waste anymore time."

* * *

"Ana, you omitted a great deal of information. Why?" The tears were breaking the corners of her eyes and falling from her cheeks. Her entire body shook, I went to wrap my arms around her but she just pushed me away, pushing at my chest. I gasped at the impact of her hands and tried to keep my composure.

"Don't touch me Christian. Don't." Her voice was so desperate, I had never heard her like this. Her not wanting my touch scared me. "I just didn't want you to know and the fact that you saw it… and you too Taylor… Please take me to my apartment…"

"Ana, stop this, let me hold you…" She recoiled at my words and slid as far away from me as possible. "Taylor take us to Escala."

"Taylor, I want to go home…Please…"

"Ana, baby. Escala is your home now…ok…" She finally looked me in my eye, and I watched her fall apart. She curled her legs up on the seat, and wrapped her arms around her body, silently crying as she stared out the window. Taylor and I caught eyes in the rearview and he nodded as he made his way home to Escala, the one place I knew I could keep her safe.

* * *

We walked into my bedroom and it was filled with boxes and bags from high end stores all over the city. Ana looked at the briefly, uninterested in their contents. She slipped of her shoes and laid on the bed. I crouched down beside her, she wasn't crying anymore but she just looked hollow and broken.

"Baby this should be a happy day, Hyde is gone and you are going to be working for Peyton Forbes. I wanted to make you happy."

"It did, it does… but what if there was a video showing you at your worst moment, and the person you loved watched it. The person who's opinion mattered most…" I thought about all the worst moments of my life, there were so many to choose from and then I imagined Ana having to sit and endure through them. I understood now…

"Ana, it does not change a thing, not how I feel about you, not how I want you… You have changed me Ana…in a few short days, everything is different because of you…Please baby let me hold you…" She slid over just a few inches and turned her back to me, knowing I could hold her any other way. I slid on the bed, my knees tucked behind her knees my arms around her, I sunk my face into her hair.

"I just pretending like it didn't happen, I put it in a box. I hid the bruises under makeup… I didn't even tell Kate the full story… I just told her he kissed me and said some mean things when I told him no… If no one knew then it didn't really happen…"

"Ana, I am sorry that he did that to you… I understand now why you don't want… what I offered you… my playroom…I get it… and I am sorry baby… it won't happen again."

"Christian you and Jack are nothing alike… what you want and what he did are not the same things…" Hyde and I were exactly the same, we like to beat little brown haired girls into submission and fuck them. Cut from the same fucked up cloth.

"Let's not talk about this now, we have a little time to rest and then we need to head over to my parents and meet Olivia." She nodded and snuggled herself against me, I held her tighter making a silent promise to keep her safe.

* * *

The house had never been so quiet, even Mia was like a little mouse; sitting on the sofa next to Elliott and Kate. We were all waiting for them to arrive. I was nervous and anxious, they were running late and it was only adding to the stress of an already stressful day. Ana still looked sad, Kate saw it too and had tried to figure out what was wrong. Ana said everything was fine that she was just tired, and maybe coming down with a cold. Kate didn't buy it and pulled me aside asking me what I had done. Kate had balls if nothing else, I could see how she and Elliott were a good pair.

The door finally opened and my father walked in first with Flynn, they smiled at the group of us and then mom appeared with a small girl at her side. She was beautiful, long curly brown hair and deep green eyes, that were wrapped in sadness. Her left arm was in a purple cast and she still moved like she was in pain. She huddled at mom's side but she was careful not to touch her. Olivia saw me first, our eyes locking and I knew in that moment she was my family. I cocked my head and smiled, lowering my self to her stature, on my knees.

"Hello Olivia… I am your big brother Christian." I turned slightly and pointed to Elliott. "An that over there is your brother Elliott, and your sister Mia." The both got off the sofa and were standing behind me. Mom and Dad standing behind her. "They tell me you don't really want to talk right now… That's fine… I didn't talk for a long time either… Sometimes talking is too hard…" She nodded and then looked around the room, wonder in her eyes and I smiled.

"Olivia, are you thirsty?" Mia asked "Do you want some juice?" Olivia nodded and Grace lead her to the sofa as Mia went to the kitchen. Everyone's words and movements were measured and accounted for. Nothing sudden nothing too loud.

Kate had joined Ana off on the love seat under the window, their hands linked together; quietly watching. Occasionally they would whisper to one another. Ana didn't take her eyes off of Olivia, she was as enchanted as the rest of us.

It had been quite the day, everything had gone to hell and still there was no one dealing with more then this child. I had yet to be apprised of the details, but I knew it was nothing good.

Hours later, after dinner was eaten and dessert was had in Olivia's honor we were all back in the living room. I was off in the corner with Mom, Dad and Flynn learning the horrid details of Olivia's recent past, Mia and Olivia were sitting in the floor coloring, Kate and Elliot were in the kitchen talking and Ana was back on the love seat under the window looking defeated. But the was a quiet bubble surrounding us all, there was peace there.

"It is important that Olivia feels safe, that is all that matters now." Flynn spoke quietly, in hushed tones. "Christian, I know you want to fix her, it is your way but she has to fix herself with all of our help. What she has been though will take years for her to work out. She is just very lucky that she is surrounded by all of you."

"She reminds me so much of you Christian, fragile but strong willed, she is a fighter. I knew the moment they brought her into the ER she was going to live. She had that look in her eye."

"It's the look of a child that knows too much mom. Have the police made any strides in catching t he guy that did this?" My father nodded no and my mother was silent.

"Its been over three weeks, I doubt they will find him now."

"I want the detectives name, I want to put my own men on it." I couldn't stomach the thought of men like Hyde and Like whoever did this to Olivia out there. Not that I was much better, but I never forced a woman to do anything. I never wanted it like that.

All night Olivia kept looking in Ana's direction, they would share a smile or a playful look. We all had noticed. It was the only time all night that the light was back in Ana's eyes. It happened so quickly, Olivia stood up and made her way to Ana's side, sliding up on to the love seat next to her.

"You look sad…" Mom's head whipped around at the sound of Olivia's small voice.

"I am sad Olivia…" Ana answered her honestly and my heart broke. "You look sad too." Olivia nodded.

"You look like my mommy… She had brown hair like you and sad eyes." I could see the tears well up in her eyes, My mother was silently crying as dad put his arms around her. Mia stood and joined in our little corner. Even Elliott and Kate sensed there was something special happening as they appeared in the door way.

"My mommy died and then this man hurt me…" Olivia bottom lip started to tremble.

"I know… You know what always makes me feel better when I am sad… Hugs… Hugs make it all better…" Ana opened her arms and Olivia practically jumped into them, sitting on Ana's lap. My heart was beating out of my chest as it hit me, Ana was a magnet for damaged souls. We were all drawn to her like flowers turning to the sun. And I knew that Leila was right, life wasn't worth living with out love.


	15. Chapter 15

Hello everyone... Ok i have to tell you all how much your resonse to this chapter has meant to me... The reviews and the PM's have just been outstanding and humbling. There is been a huge response to Olivia and her story, some of you have shared your stories with me and I have had a very emotional day. Thank you... Thank you... Thank you... I am working on responding to your reviews and Pm's but I really wanted to get this chapter out to all of you tonight... I hope you all enjoy it...

I won't be posting a Darkness and White Chapter tonight... sorry... but I just havent gotten the next chapter right yet... If you are not reading that one and you like my writing style please give it a try... It's not a FSOG FF, its more like how Twilight inspired FSOG, FSOG inspired Darkness and White...

Some of you had trouble finding me on facebook here is my username: .3

Also there is a facebook group... Fifty Shades of Grey FanFiction... you can find me on there as well and on my Twitter PerhapsPerhaps1...

* * *

There is something about Olivia, I can't quite understand what it is or even how it is. But in the same way I felt myself attaching to Chris (back when I thought that was his name) the first time I met him, I feel myself attaching to her. Like the fibers of our souls are weaving together, a warp and a weft, binding us for life. There was something drawing me to her and her to me. I felt it the moment we locked eyes. She had just come in and Christian was crouched down in front of her, just that small act made my heart ache for him. Her eyes were darting around the room, much like mine did just the night before. There was so much to see. Then our eyes met, she saw me and I saw her and this strange feeling took root in my chest.

It was strange, how things happen. How one day you are going along, in the doldrums of your life. A life that is all well and safe, a life that makes sense but leaves you wanting. Wanting for what could be if only... I am living my if only life now, and it is anything but well and safe, but one thing is for sure I am not wanting. I am full of happiness and sadness, love and pain and my arms right now are full with this child. This completely unexpected thing.

I can trace the path to my what if life all the way back to the exact moment my life changed. That day in the hotel with Jack. In those few short moments, I grew up. My wide eyes were forced to half mast and the rose colored glasses I wore were shattered. I have replayed that day and the days and months that lead up to it over and over in my head. Trying to make sense of it all. Trying to see what I should have done different. What I could have done to prevent it. Maybe I should have accepted a position at another house. Maybe I should have never gone to New York in the first place. Maybe I should have not ignored that voice in the back of my head, telling me that Jack was crossing lines on a daily basis. The voice telling me I was uncomfortable, the voice telling me not to trust him.

I was always looking to place the blame in my lap, never placing it in his. Jack was the common denominator of all these tapes, all these women's lives. He was the person in the wrong. It was his shame to feel not mine, not theirs and realizing that I was set free. But there was a price for that freedom and the price was Christian seeing the tape. Watching me, watching Jack and that is what is shaking me to my core. That he will some how see me as a victim or worse...

But there is no room for those thoughts right now. All I have room for is this child, asleep in my arms, her fingers curled up in my hair. Maybe the first real sleep she has gotten in weeks, maybe even ever. I am choosing to focus my energy on that.

Christian eased his way on to the sofa next to me. He looks tired, his tie is off and his collar is opened. He put his arm around me, and I leaned into him careful not to wake Olivia.

"Are you ok?" I could feel the breath of his words, on my forehead and then the gentle touch of his lips.

"Yeah, I think so...She stopped crying a little while ago and now she is sleeping. I think I should say here tonight."

"I agree...Do you want to get up?" My back was tight and my right leg numb, but I would have moved for a million dollars.

"No... not yet... she is so relaxed right now... lets leave her be for a little bit more..." Grace caught my eye and smiled, and I realized that everyone was watching us like we were in a fish bowl. Flynn and Grace made their quiet approach, a small smile of his face, a huge smile on hers. I could feel the gratitude as it emanated from her body, it enveloped me and I felt like I was exactly were I was supposed to be.

"She seems to be quite taken with you Ana…"

"The feeling is mutual…" I let out a small yawn. It had been the longest day of my life. I felt like I aged ten years. The fight with Christian, then the confrontation with Jack, the video and now Olivia.

"Ana and I are going to stay here tonight, is that ok?"

"Of course dear, you can stay in your old room, we are putting Olivia in Mia's old room for now, so you guys will be close by."

I rubbed Olivia back, and she stirred nuzzling closer to me.

"Come on little monkey, it's time for bed." Her eyes opened slowly, an she looked at me. I could see her fear.

"I don't want you to go." Her voice was barely a whisper, as she clung to me tighter.

"Olivia, we're staying here tonight, just next door to the room Mom showed you earlier. Come on, I will carry you up." Christian seemed like a different man when talking to her, the tenor of his voice shifted, the tension in his body gone. Olivia peeled her body away from mine and wrapped herself around Christian. Her head pressed against his chest, her arms around his neck. I could see him, he looked like he was in immense pain and I realized she was touching him, his chest, her knee pressing against his belly. All the forbidden zones.

"Chris… I will take her…" I reached my hands out, but he just shook his head no and smiled. Grace and I walked behind him, hand in hand. And Carrick behind us. It was this very contained moment, as if Christian and his parents had never been closer, more united. The power of a child, I guess. I waved goodnight to Kate, as she sat snuggled against Elliott on the sofa.

Mia's room was larger then most of the apartments I lived in growing up. It was painted a pale lavender with a huge white bed, crisp white linens, it was big and fluffy and a perfect place for a little girl to sleep. Christian placed her down on the bed and she shimmied under the cover, after kicking off her sneakers.

"Shouldn't she brush her teeth of something?"

"I think she will be fine for one night Ana." Grace softy laughed, running her hand over my hair and kissing my cheek. I could feel that burning in the back of my throat as I struggled to swallow.

"Ok, Olivia. You have sweet dreams. If you need anything Ana and I will be next door and Mom and Dad are down the hall…" She nodded, but there was still fear in her eyes as the roamed around the room and then from Grace to Christian to me. I sat next to her on the bed, and she quickly took my hand.

"Olivia, here…" I took off my watch and wrapped it around her wrist. "My mother gave this to me, a very long time ago… she told me it was magic… that when the one hand was on the five and the other hand was on the nine that it made the sun come up…" She giggled, tracing her fingers over the face of the watch. "And if you press this button, the watch glows… see… magic… If you need us for anything. You press that button, and the light will help you find our room ok." She smiled and pressed the button a few times just to make sure it worked. She nodded and snuggled down deeper into the sea of white linen quilts. I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Good night little monkey…"

"Good night Ana…"

Christian and I left the room, leaving Olivia and Grace a few moments alone together. He walked behind me, his hands on my neck and shoulder rubbing out the tension of the day; leading me down the hall to his room.

It was another huge space, sparse except for a few posters on the wall, a cork board with some photos. I sat on the foot of his bed and zipped off Kate's boots, my feet tired and achy.

"You were amazing today Ana… I am in awe of you." I gave him a crooked smile, that is all I had the energy for. "Tired?"

"You have no idea." I flopped back on the bed, my feet still touching the floor. "I am going to sleep just like this… see you in the morning."

I could feel his presence standing over me and then the soft fabric of his pants brushing against my legs.

"Ana, lets get you changed." He kneeled down in front of me, reaching over to my hip and pulled on the side zipper of my skirt. He tugged gently, pulling it down as I lifted my butt just slightly off the bed. "Why you insist of wearing these tights Ana…" He pulled at the elastic waist and peeled them away from my body, it was a relief once they were off.

"It's cold out there…" I felt his lips brush against my knees, as his hands trailed over my thighs.

"Can you sit up?" He took my hands in his and pulled me up. He unbuttoned my blouse very slowly, stopping to tuck a stray hair behind me ear. Next he removed my bra, yet another relief.

"Arms up baby." I did as I was told as he put a tee-shirt over my head, the soft worn fabric pooling around my bare thighs. I used the last ounce of energy I possessed and got on all fours, my ass in the air and climbed into the bed. Knowing full well I was giving Christian quite the view, when I heard him exhale loudly. My eyes were closed and I was drifting off to sleep when I felt him slide into bed behind me. I must have been dreaming because I could have sworn I heard him say… I love you too Ana…


	16. Chapter 16

When I as a kid I was always afraid of the dark, actually I wasn't so much afraid of the dark… I was afraid of all the things I couldn't see because of the darkness. I was afraid of the unknown, afraid of what I could hear but not see. I am still that way, your childhood fears never really leave you; they just change shape and form but they are still always there.

I wake up, my eyes fly open and I can tell it is early. The light is dim and Ana is still in my arms. I can hear her soft breathing as I pull her closer to me, sinking my face into her whisper soft hair. It's so strange how right it feels to have her here, in my childhood room. Actually it feels right to have her in all of my rooms, she just fits. Ana belongs here with me and I belong with her. Fate smiled on destiny and she appeared in my life.

I kiss the base of her neck and I can hear her let out a small sigh, and I know now that she is awake. I want her, she has been distant since the meeting with Hyde, and something inside her has broken in to pieces. Actually it has re-broken, over the months she glued herself back together and I went ahead and allowed her get smashed once again. What Hyde did to Ana that day, forever changed her and what she has painstakingly avoided all these months is here, now. And I am to blame for that, it's no wonder she is pushing me away.

I hate this feeling of being out of control, of having to wait and wonder what is going to happen next. I always know what is going to happen because I make it so. I create the future I want, but with Ana I can't.

"Good morning Baby…" I trail my fingers along her smooth hip, lifting up the tee-shirt I put on her the night before.

"Christian, stop…Don't…" My heart sinks at her wording thing she does not want me anymore, that my touch is causing her a moments panic. A panic I know too well.

"…we are not alone…Olivia snuck in a few hours ago…" I breathe a sigh of relief as I craned my head over Ana's body and Olivia was once again asleep, wrapped in her arms. Olivia looked so small there, so delicate and she looked at peace. She had a peace that only Ana could give her it would appear.

"Was she ok?"

"Just scared, she had… a bad dream…" I knew her pain; I was twenty eight and still dreaming of the things that haunted me. I was still dreaming of my mother, her smile and her hair. Dreaming of the burning pain I felt, as she watched on doing nothing to stop it, too high for it to even register. I dream about the awful smell of cigarettes and sex in the air and then my mother dead on the floor. I could only imagine the horrors of Olivia's dreams, enduring all she had. I wished there was something I could do to spare her the sleepless nights ahead, but like Flynn said… there was really nothing I could do that time couldn't.

"I wish I was… older…more settled…" I knew what Ana was thinking, and it scared me.

"Ana…"

"I know, Christian I know… It's just… never mind…"

"She is going to safe and happy here, she will have all of us…Grace and Carrick are amazing people and were wonderful parents… and trust me I was not easy to deal with."

"I know you are right… I can't explain it though…but I know you are right."

We lay there together, the three of us as Ana drifted back off to sleep. It was peaceful, and quiet and easy. I watched the sun come up, thinking about Olivia and Ana. Then I couldn't help but think about Ana's unspoken wish, her want. Thinking about how impossible it was, how she was in no way shape or form able to care for a child. She was just barely twenty-two, a baby herself and I would never and could never be a father. My fifty shades of fuck up would never allow for a child, a family. Deep down I knew that these were things that Ana would want. She would want these things that I couldn't buy for her, things that I couldn't give. And I knew in soul, what was left of it anyway that would be the reason she would leave me.

"Ana… wake up…" I heard Olivia's sweet soft voice as she gently shook Ana awake.

"Morning monkey…"

"Good morning Ana…" She yawned out the sentence and peeked her head up to find me. "Good morning Chris…" I chuckled at the use of my new found nickname.

"Morning… How did you sleep?"

"Good here… the other room was too dark and scary…"

"It's not scary, it's just new…Nothing can hurt you here Olivia, nothing. This is a safe place… I should know I grew up here."

"You did?" She sat up in the bed, and pushed a few stray hairs off her face.

"I did… I was smaller than you when I first got here… and this was my room. The first night I was scared too, I had bad dreams and I cried…But then the next night was better and the one after that…"

"Was Ana here too?"

"No… Ana wasn't…"

"Were you lonely without her?" I looked at Ana, her furrowed brow, a small smile on her face.

"Yes, Olivia I was… but I had Elliott and Mia, Mom and Dad…" She was quiet, look at Ana and then back to me. She was trying to make sense of all that had happened to her in a few short weeks.

"I like Grace…she smells like candy…" Ana and I laughed, of all the reasons to like my mother only a child would pick that she does in fact smell like candy. It's one of my earliest memories of her too. That first day in the hospital, I smelled her before I saw her, from behind the hospital curtain with butterflies and bees on it.

"You're right Olivia, she does."

* * *

It was hard leaving her, I hated to do it but she was a brave girl. She hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek, releasing me only when I promised I would see her tomorrow. My feeling and emotions have been all over the last few days, and I didn't know which end was up. All I knew for sure is that I was exhausted, and sad. I was overwhelmed and honestly a little scared. Scared of how quickly my relationship with Christian had taken form. Scared about how much I already felt for him, scared that he wouldn't want me in time. Scared that he would get bored and need the red room and everything that it represented, scared he needed something I couldn't give him.

I climbed into the limo, I resisted the urge to lay down on the seat as Christian slid in behind me and I melted into his arms.

"Baby just sleep, we will be home soon."

"I am too tired to sleep… I feel so not myself… Christian I want to go home to my apartment and sleep in my own bed in my own clothes…I need like a day to myself…" I could see his eyes grow wide but his quickly returned his face to his normal neutral.

"Ana…" he exhaled loudly and shook his head. "Taylor… take us to Ana's apartment."

We drove in silence and I was grateful for it, I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to have to explain and convince him why I needed time alone. I didn't want to use what little energy I had left. All I wanted was my favorite sweat shirt, my small but comfortable bed, a cup of hot weak tea and maybe a book. No I take that back, I wanted a magazine. I still stupid magazine with celebrities on the cover. I wanted to be mindless.

I didn't want to be touched, I didn't want to be petted or served or anything that would be at Escala. I just wanted to be plain old Ana again.

"Taylor, how is your hand?"

"It's fine Miss Steele, thank you for asking."

"Thank you… I mean… for what you did yesterday… Thank you…"

"It's my job…"

"No, no it's not…you had him restrained… that was your job, kicking his ass… that was a gift… and I appreciated it." He smiled, locking eyes with me in the rear view mirror. "And you kept Christian here out of jail, so it was a two for two."

"I wouldn't have killed him… he would have wished for death but he would have lived…"

"What happened to him?" I could feel his grip around me tighten and the tone of his voice changes. It was tinged with anger and disgust.

"Well, if we would have reported him to the police we would have had to surrender the videos... So that couldn't happen… Sawyer took him back to his apartment and strongly advised him to stay clear of anything that fell under the Christian Grey umbrella."

"Do you think he will listen?"

"No, I don't. So I have my security guy digging into his past and keeping track of his whereabouts…for now you will have security twenty four seven."

"Is that really necessary?" I couldn't imagine being followed like that, always having someone watching over you.

"Yes, this is why I would prefer you staying at Escala. It would make things much much easier for Taylor and Sawyer if we are all under the same roof."

"I want to be alone… I can't be alone under your roof, and I can't be alone with your men following me at every turn Christian."

"And why is it that you want to be alone?" His tone was low and bordered on forceful and it fueled something inside of me. I pulled my body away from his, needed some air and space.

"Because I need a break, from you from us, from this… in like a few days' time I went from a single virgin to Christians Grey's girlfriend… Then Jack Hyde's co-star and then Olivia happened… and I feel like I have no fucking clue what is happening and I need to figure it out…and if you don't like it, to fucking bad!"

"I don't like it Ana, Hyde is a crazy person. Look at what he did to you! I want to keep you safe."

"You should never have seen what he did to me! That is the point…" I could feel the tears fall from my cheeks. Damn it all to hell…

"Ana ENOUGH!" His voice stilled me, stopping me dead in my tracks. "You are the most important thing to me and I want to keep you safe. I will keep you safe, and if YOU don't like it too fucking bad… What Hyde did to you was awful and you need to deal with it, pretending it didn't happen, lying to me about it, lying to Kate even lying to yourself won't solve a damn thing. You need to talk to someone, Flynn… he can help you…Taylor, Ana and I are going to Escala, case closed." I opened my mouth to protest, but the look in his eye, was such a contrast to the words coming out of his mouth. He was afraid; it was fear looking back at me. I turned my head away from him, arms crossed against my chest.

"Ana…"

"Just don't Christian don't…" I bit my lip, tears welling in my eyes again but I refused to let them fall this time. Everything he has said was right, I need to deal… I just didn't want to. "You know… I have never cried so much in all my life since meeting you… I never really felt anything…for anyone…I was used to pretending I guess. And now since you I can't pretend anymore, but you can't either. If we are going to do this, really do this Christian you can't pretend anymore.

"I don't want to pretend Ana…"

"Good…"

* * *

I walked in to his bedroom and Gail had taken all the bags, unloaded everything into the closet and drawers. I stood in his closet in awe of everything he had bought for me. The shelves were lined bags from Chanel and shoes with red soles, Jimmy Choo boots. Velvet hangers holding gowns and dresses with tags that caused me to gasp when I saw their prices. Suits, skirts and shirts for work, cashmere sweaters, silk blouses in every color. It was overwhelming as I ran my hands over the fine fabrics.

"Do you like?" His voice was close behind me I jumped and turned to him.

"This is all too much, I don't need all of this… stuff."

"Stuff…"

"You know what I mean, you don't need to buy me Christian, I am not a sub or a gold digger. I am here because I am falling in love with you…" His face dropped a bit, and his shifted his weight, picking an imaginary thread off of the arm of his jacket.

"I thought you already loved me Ana?" I blushed under his gaze, speechless. I did say that I loved him in the limo but that was a slip of the tongue. That didn't count. And I was still unclear as to how he felt about me. I mean I knew he liked me… a lot… he had said that several times. But I like a lot of things a lot.

"I need a shower… excuse me…" I brushed passed him as he turned sideways letting me by.

"Do you want company Ana?"

"No Christian I don't… If I was not clear in the car I want to be alone…"


	17. Chapter 17

I stepped under the steaming hot water of the rain showerhead in Christian's expansive glass enclosed shower stall and leaned against the cold marble wall. I didn't even have the energy to wash my own hair, I was just happy to let the hot water beat against my body, from fourteen different directions. Somehow the hot water and steam were working wonders to clear my mind and I was able to collect my thoughts. Put the back together and figure out what was going on. What was I thinking, what the hell was I doing. This was not like me at all. I couldn't make a decision, make up my mind. I didn't know what I wanted, what I needed. Fuck. That was a lie, I wanted Christian, and I needed Christian. Here I was telling him that he couldn't pretend anymore and here I was pretending. Instead of being honest I was pretending that I wanted to be alone, pretending that I didn't want to be with him. The truth of the matter is I am scared. I am just plain old fashioned scared of my ass. In a weeks' time my life had been turned on my ass. I didn't have the safety and comfort of Kate and Jose cheering me on, boosting me when I needed boosting. I didn't have the familiar space of my room, the robe I have had since high school, the quilt that my grandmother made me before she died. The security of my Beetle, who I left abandoned on the GEH parking lot. Everything I head dear, away from me and everything before me was giant question mark. I was scared to death. In this headspace I was starting to have a better understanding of my mother, and why she ran from anything good, anything that felt too right. My mother would flee from the good and ran to what she knew was wrong. It clicked in my head as to why, because she was scared of being happy, happiness was such a fine and delicate thing. It was so easily destroyed by one wrong move, one wrong step; I guess she thought she was better off destroying it, before it destroys you.

I finally mustered up the strength to lather up some body wash on a washcloth and a wash my hair. I took my time wanting to stay in the shower for as long as I could, I knew after my little outburst Christian wouldn't attempt to join me in here, even though I wished he would.

I could only imagine how hard this must be for him, having to deal with me. He was accustomed to having all the power and control. He was used to saying jump and people saying how high master? Maybe a year ago I would have been that girl, but this version of myself, was of the hell to the no variety. And on some level he must have realized that, he has had many a chance to walk away, to leave before we got in too deep. He came after me, he was looking for me and I was looking for him.

I toweled off, and brushed my wet hair up in to a high bun. I threw on a pair of yoga pants that I had brought from home, and one of the new sweaters that Christian had bought for me. It was a grey cashmere turtleneck, with dolman sleeves. In my mind this outfit was a compromise. I walked through the apartment into the kitchen and was happy to see Gail there.

"Whatcha making Gail?" She smiled her warm smile and brought a spoonful of gooey yumminess to me. My mouth filed with cheese and wine and pasta… It was the best thing I had eaten in a very long time and I realized that I was starving.

"Mac and Cheese, I think a little comfort food is in order. I heard you had a rough few days…" She rested her hand on my shoulder and gave it a good firm squeeze, reassuring me.

"Thanks Gail… and that is delicious… not as good as mine…you know from a box…" She laughed and shook her head as she made her way back to the stove.

"How much did Taylor tell you?" It didn't bother me that he did, if he did. I knew in my gut that Gail and I were going to be really good friends.

"Nothing… He just said that you needed a good meal and an even better nights rest. Ana…" Her tone was pensive, like she knew a line was being crossed and she wasn't sure if she should cross it. "Just because we are involved that doesn't mean he tells me everything. In fact the opposite is true… He refuses to tell me how his hands got all banged up."

"That was for my honor… and pre-emptive strike against Christian's incarceration… Taylor is a good man…" Her eyes lit up when I said that and I realized that she was really in love with him; it wasn't just a matter of proximity.

"He is the best man…I worry about him… what he does is dangerous, very dangerous."

"But he is the best Gail." Christian's voice filled the room. "Or he wouldn't be working for me… Same goes for you…"Gail blushed and smiled.

"Thank you Mr. Grey…" He sat beside me, and rested his hand on my knee and I instantly felt better.

"How was your shower?"

"Lonely…" His raised his eyebrows and smiled. "I am sorry for being such a bitch." I ran my hand over his jawline, as he brought his face closer to mine.

"I am sorry for being such an asshole…" He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine, as I snaked my arms around his neck.

"Don't let it happen again Grey…" I attacked his mouth with mine, wanting so much more than a kiss could offer. At some point Gail left the room and we were very much alone.

"Ana, baby…I need you…" He was positioned between my legs that dangled off the stool,

"So take what you need."

"Ana, you would have nothing left. I have a conference call in five minutes." He pulled away from me, leaving me hanging. "Let's resume this later…" He turned his back to walk away

"Christian… Wait…"

"Ana, baby… I haven't been in the office for two days… I run a multi-billion dollar corporation. As much as I would fuck you right now and trust me I would… I have more pressing matters that require my attention…"

"Well, consider me put in my place then Mr. Grey." I leaned back against the stool and folded my arms across my chest. He walked back towards me, leaning down so I could feel his breath ion my face.

"That smart mouth Ana… I am going to fuck it tonight." With that he turned on his heel and left the kitchen leaving me and my inner goddess panting.

* * *

Everything felt different; I was sitting on the floor, my back pressed against the sofa, in front of the TV watching re-runs of Diners, Drive-in and Dives, eating a bowl of mac and cheese. I had done this a million times over the years but somehow, everything in this apartment felt different. First off the TV was huge and Plasma, so you could really see everything. It was like I was in Tallahassee eating burgers with Guy. Now something as simple as mac and cheese was turned on its head. Mine came from a blue box and I usually ate the whole thing straight from the pot along with a diet coke. This mac and cheese was all fancy, tasting like real cheese and mustard and wine, not a day-glow orange packet of powdered cheese in sight. Even the plate it was piled on was fancy, it was two plates a smaller white one stacked on top of a glossy black one, and the fork was monogramed with the letter G. My soda was replaced with a cool crisp white wine that melted on my tongue. Even the smallest pleasures in Christian's world were over the top.

"Dining like a bohemian tonight Ana?" Christian walked into the living room wearing a much worn, tattered pair of jeans and a simple tee-shirt, both of which hung off his frame in the most delicious way. He sat next to me on the floor, a plate of food and a glass of wine in hand.

"Is it as good as it looks?" I just nodded, and took another forkful, unable to take my eyes off of him. He really as a thing of beauty, awe inspiring, soul crushing beauty. What made it so much worse is the unalloyed fact that he was so unaware of the far reaching effects of his beauty. He knew that women were drawn to him like moths to the flame but what he didn't know is that it had nothing to do with his deep beautiful eyes, his thick copper hair, the spread of his shoulders, the strength in which he carried his body. It was his tortured soul that drew us all to him, the look that existed behind his eyes. That is what we all wanted him so, to save him. If I knew one thing to be true, there was never a man that needed saving more than Christian Grey. I can't imagine a better reason to endure his darker side then that. We all lived for this far-fetched possibility that this man would fall in love, a great all-consuming love. That we would know the warmth of his love, the kind of love that would stand the test of time, space and distance. The hope that maybe just maybe we could be the recipient of this man's love, knowing he didn't give it easily, if at all. And by "we" I mean anyone coming in contact with him.

My heart was aching just looking at him, as he lazily ate his dinner and drank his wine, watching the TV.

"Ana, stop staring at me and eat…" I was total busted and I blushed.

"I… I can't help it…you look so different tonight in jeans and a tee-shirt, the corporate Christian is nowhere to be found." He raised his eyebrows and finally turned his eyes to meet mine.

"Ana, if you don't stop biting your lip…"

"What are you going to do to me?" I sat up a little straighter, cocking my head with a defiant smile.

"What do I want to do is different than what I am going to do." I raised my brows in question, and took a sip of my wine. "I want to take you into my playroom Ana and spank that smug look off of your face and then I want to fuck your smart mouth. But what I am going to do… is to take you to my bedroom and fuck your smart mouth and then make you come." My entire body flushed at the thought, first of being in the red room and Christian doing with me what he pleased, and the equally pleasing thought of him fucking me in his bed.

"What about what's behind door number three Mr. Grey…"

"Is there a door number three Miss. Steele?"


	18. Chapter 18

To all of my amazing followers, sorry for the delay... My life took a crazy turn this week and i didn't have the time or will to write... So i offer you all this chapter on V-day... Its long and hot... so enjoy...

So now I have a favor to ask... AS some of you know I have another story on here called Darkness and White... It is my baby... I am so invested in this story it is crazy... I one day want to get it published... So I am asking you my 500+ followers to please give it a shot... IF you are loving my take on FSOG you are really going to love this story... It is inspired by FSOG in theme and context but the story and characters are all mine... I really have put every bit of myself into it... and despite the small about of followers I have amassed an amazing amount of positive reviews... I really want to hear your feed back on this story every review i take to heart and it helps me to make it better... so please give it a shot... it starts off in a very dark place but it is all about all consuming love, and redemption... Please read review and follow... It is the reason i started writing this story, which I have also fallen in love with... Funny how things happen...

To everyone who has been reviewing Fifty ways... Thank you so much... I know you love your Ana and CG, so thank you for loving my version of them...

And now DOOR NUMBER THREE...

* * *

Just the thought of what could be behind door number three had my interest piqued. Ana is always surprising me, always. She was this odd blend of innocence and intrigue. I would never be able to figure her out, a hundred years could pass and I would still be in shock and awe of the words that fall out of her smart perfect mouth.

My jeans feel tight and uncomfortable; my cock is yearning to be free. Just looking at her I harden but then she speaks and I lose my fucking mind. The control I have to maintain just be stand beside her astounds me. She has bewitched me in a way that I never saw coming.

"Door number three?" I see her face change, she has spoken out of turn and has no idea what she wants door number three to be, her innocence coming into play once again. I see her cheeks flush with arousal or embarrassment I am not sure which and then in a flash the idea comes to her. I slick smiles spreads across her face and I can only imagine what she is going to say next.

"Well… You want to spank me, and this gives me pause. I don't understand this need in you to cause me pain. It just makes no rational sense to me. I have thought about this over and over you see…" She pauses and bites her lower lip and I exhale almost angry. I just want to bury myself inside of this woman, I want to feel her and hear her come as she calls out my name. That is what I want more than anything, but her pain… that is something I need and she is right it makes no rational sense.

"But then it came to me, what this is between you and I well it's not rational Christian… It is a complete fucking mystery. There is no rational reason that I should feel how I do for you?"

"And how do you feel about me Ana?" She pauses for a moment, clasping her hands together like she is about to pray and presses them to her lower lip. She is thinking about what she is going to say and it is pissing me off, how she clams up. "You said we couldn't pretend anymore Ana. How do you feel?"

Her clasped hands fall into her lap and I feel a twinge of jealousy of them. She takes a deep breath and then says the words I didn't know I needed to hear until she says them.

"I love you Christian. I love you..." She cocks her head at me, waiting for me to speak. I want to tell her what I am feeling but somehow the words are stuck in the back of my throat.

"I know you love me too… Even if you can't say it. I know. I feel it in everything you do for me, with me… even to me. I feel it."

I sit there stunned and slightly shamed by my brave beautiful girl, she had never looked lovelier to me as she does in the very moment. I rest my hands over hers and this current passes through our bodies and I am not sure if I can think this for much longer.

"So door number three…I can't go into the red room with you, it feels haunted somehow… But you can bring the red room to your bedroom, a place that is known only to me." She won't look at me as she speaks, her eyes fixed on our combined hands. She is of course right the red room is haunted, even I can feel it and it is the one place in the world I feel most like myself. Well, no… I feel the most like myself when I am with Ana…

"Ana are you sure… This is a dark path I am taking you down?"

"It is the path you are on; it is the path I will follow." Her eyes fill with tears and I wrapped her up into my arms, pulling her to my body. Ignoring the twinge of panic and pain I feel. I place my forefinger under her chin raising her eyes to meet mine and wipe away an errant tear; I resist the urge to lick it off the pad of my thumb.

"Ana, you astound me. I am astounded." I attack her lips with my own, they part for me and I trail my tongue along hers. Tasting her again, it has been two days since I have had her. Two long, hard days. She moans out a semblance of my name, and I lose all ability to think clearly. I pull away from her, and stand quickly. She looks up at me, her lips swollen from my kiss her breast heaving. I extend both of my hands to her and she slips hers in mine without thought or question. I feel this small surge of joy and pull her off the floor in one swift motion.

She is right of course, my room has only been known to her, and something inside of my black soul tells me she is the only one it will ever be known to. The idea makes me smile and shutter in equal measure. This perfect creature loves me, and she shouldn't. She should run away from me, far and fast. My desire to protect her and push her away is only eclipsed by this deep unabashed desire to keep her, to make her mine. She is so different than any women I have ever met. And meeting women has never been an issue; they are so blinded by the package they don't care what is on the inside. But Ana, she sees me, she knows how fucked up I am. At least she suspects, she will never really know. But she refuses to run, she wants to know more. And I want to tell more. I want her to know me, I want her to understand but I know that she will leave if I do. One day I will have to decide what means more to me… Ana's needs or mine… What is happening to me?

"Chris are you ok?" She runs her fingers over my cheek bringing me back into the moment.

"Yes baby of course. Bedroom. Come."

* * *

My heart is beating a million miles per second, I have just told him to bring the red room to his bedroom. I can't believe those words fell from my mouth but I want to please him. Give him what he needs but in a way that I can still look at myself the mirror next day.

We are back in his bedroom and he is just looking at me, and for a moment I am not sure he is going to take me up on my offer. I am half hoping he won't. Then this wicked smile spreads across his face and I know he will. My body clenches, my core throbbing and by body tight with fear and carnal anticipation.

"Ana, I will be right back. I want you to take of all of your clothes with the exception of your panties and kneel beside the bed with your head down. Can you do that baby?"

My mouth goes dry, and my breath quickens. I just nod and I blush under his gaze.

"Good girl…" His voice is low and seductive. I watch him walk out of the room and when he is out of sight I start to freak out. I remove my shirt and pants with shaky hands and can barely manage to unclasp my bra.

Get it together Steele. My inner goddess is shouting at me, the smug bitch. She is the one who got me into this mess.

I gracelessly kneel like I was told and try to take a few deep breaths. I keep my head down and then see Christian's delectable feet in front of me, the ragged edges of his jeans trailing on the floor.

"Ana, I am doing this because you said you wanted me to. If that changes at any point you safe word. The safe word is red, do you understand?" I nod twice not sure if I should speak or not.

"Ana, do you understand?" The tone of his voice has changed, it is deeper and forceful.

"Yes." I manage to squeak out.

"You will call me Sir… when we are like this Ana, you will call me Sir."

"Yes Sir." I am finding my voice again and it is tinged with a bit of annoyance. I resist the urge to look up at him, when he has told me to look at the floor.

"Ana, look at me." I slowly drag my eyes to his and I gasp. His arms are crossed against his chest, his body is flexed and nostrils flared, so serious. He looks funny, sexy but funny and I have no poker face.

"Is something funny?" His voice drips anger and that only fuels my giggle.

"No, Sir." I stifle a laugh and keep my eyes planted to the floor. I feel like I have just been sent to the principal's office. I press my lips together, and exhale deeply through my nose.

"Ana, stand up. I will give you something to laugh about." Suddenly it hits my consciousness, this is going to happen. I am going to allow Christian to hit me. I stand before him, and look him in the eye.

"Give me your hands Ana." I do as I am told and he wraps my wrists up with a leather cord, tying them tightly, very tightly. My heart is fluttering in my chest and I feel this quiver in my belly as I feel my arousal start to seep out of me. I am stunned by this fact, I am enjoying this. He holds in the palm of his hand two silver balls head together by a thick black cord and I can feel my eyes widen.

"I want you to bend over on the bed, arms over your head, belly flat, feet on the floor, legs spread wide. Then I am going to insert these in you one by one." I pause for a second, looking at him, then the balls and then finally the bed. "Ana, NOW."

I do as I am told, the position is awkward, but I am awkward so I am so very used to feeling like this. I shift my weight trying to get my bearings and then I feel the gentle touch of his fingers trailing along my back.

"Your skin is so flawless, Ana. So pale and perfect." His fingers slide under my panties and pull them down over my hips, stretching them the around my separated knees. He rubs his palm over my ass softly and then I feel his lips kissing the small of my back. He sits on the bed beside me, and lays his arm across my back applying an uncomfortable pressure and a surge goes through my entire body. He inserts one of his long fingers inside of me and I literally melt against him.

"Baby you are so wet already… You like this don't you?" Do like this? I was feeling so many things, fear, anticipation, a wanting and a yearning that I was not expecting and then at the same time I was feeling shame, a level of debasement that I didn't even think was possible. Before I could make up my mind I felt the cold push of the first silver ball and then the second and this strange sensation took hold of me.

"Ana, I am going to slap you five times. I want you to count out loud." And then without further warning I feel the snap of pain against my ass. The pain is secondary as the balls shift sharply in my body, and I clench around him. This amazing sensation takes hold and then he is caressing me softly in the same place he has inflicted pain.

"One…" I say breathlessly and then he hits me again this time lower and I cry out. The balls feel heavy as they shoot further into me. "Two…"

I can hear his ragged breath, as he gently rubs me once again and hits me again. The force of his slap and then his gentle touch is so confusing and my mind is racing and I can't keep a thought in my head other than the fact that I have to keep counting.

"Three…" He does it once more and I grit my teeth to stifle my scream, his hits are getting harder and my ass is stinging and burning but my core wants more. The balls are a revelation and I try to stretch my back but he holds me in place and then slaps me again. This time the pain is immense and over shadows any pleasure and I can't help but cry out.

"Four…" My voice is small now, and he is back to gently rubbing my flesh over and over is sweeping circular patterns. I am so confused I love and hate this, and at this moment I am feeling the same way about Christian. He slaps me for the final time, a mind bending slap and I clench tightly, shocked that I can feel myself starting to come. I quickly relax, halting my own orgasm, horrified.

"Five." I am panting now, I feel like I have left my body. These five slaps have changed something in me, as I push the idea of shame out of my mind. All I want now is Christian inside of me. As if he is reading my mind he pulls the balls out and the sensation is unreal.

"You did very well baby…" His voice is husky and thick, I have pleased him and that makes me want him all the more. He releases his grip on me, and flips me over. He is standing over me and I watch him strip out of his jeans, wearing nothing underneath his erection springs free and I gasp. Something in his demeanor shifts as he leans over me and unties my hands, gently rubbing my wrists, and then running his lips over my knuckles. I am breathless, full of want and need, a mess of confusion. And then he does the most unexpected thing possible.

"Baby, I want you on top ok?" He pulls me up gently; I am standing before him, his erection pressing into my belly. He kisses my forehead gently, turns to the end table and pulls out a foil packet. He sits on the bed, his back against his large driftwood headboard, his long lean legs stretched out against him and motions for me to join him. There is something in the air that surrounds us and I know that this moment and all the moments that follow will only be known to me and Christian. I climb up on the bed as he rolls the condom over his awe inspiring member and slowly I slide over him, taking all of him inside. We moan in tandem, I feel so full, so exactly where I am supposed to be. Our eyes are locked as we slowly move together, my hands gripping to the headboard behind him to keep steady. He reaches behind his head, takes my left hand and places it directly on his chest over his heart. I freeze, all motion stops; I am touching him in the forbidden zone. I can see the pain on his face, the discomfort, his eyes shut tight. He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes, locking them with mine.

"Ana…I love you…" I cannot believe what is happening and then his words level me, I am shattered as the tears of hope and joy well up in my eyes, the back of my throat burning.

"I love you too…" He smiles the smallest smile and then removes my other hand from the headboard and it too has a place on his chest.

He has taken his control back, as the look of pain leaves his face and he starts to move inside of me once more. I match him thrust for thrust, the hairs on this thighs rubbing against the sore over sensitized skin on my behind, and somehow that feeling brings me to the edge that much quicker. Everything becomes a mess of moans and thrusts, as my body breaks apart and I scream out his name unable to stop myself. My undoing causes his, and he thrusts into me once more, emptying himself calling out my name.


	19. Chapter 19

First off... I want to think those of you who gave Darkness and White a shot... I got a bunch of new followers, reviews and PM's this weekend and I am relieved that you guys like this story too... I am behind on my replays but i do try to get to everyone I can...

Second... I know Ana and CG cut to the chase quickly with the touching and the I love yous.. but El James already told that story... I want to tell you guys a different one... so things are going to be twisting and turning away from the original... and I needed them past some of their crap to do that.

Thank you all for following and reading along!

xoxo PPP

* * *

Power exchange… Christian's words from days before playing in my mind over and over as I slumped against his chest, breathless. That is what just happened. I gave him mine and then he gave me his and somehow in the mix of all of that we became one.

His hands are running up and down the length of my bare back pulling me closer to him, his soft lips on me neck. I feel light headed and breathless, my body still full because of him.

"Ana… what you make me feel…" I take his face in my hands and make his eyes meet mine.

"What do I make you feel?"

"Safe." The single word is like a hammer breaking my heart. This strong, rich powerful man is still very much a small boy needing to feel safe and I am able to do that for him.

"Me too… I mean you make me feel safe too Christian." A small smile appears on his face, and then his eyes flash with worry. Once again I find myself wishing I could read him mind.

"Promise me Ana, that you will never leave me." His voice is full of need and panic and it causes my heart to skip a beat. He crushes me to him and I believe in that moment I never could leave him.

"I promise you…" He smiles before he presses his lips to mine my sentence unfinished, a hungry growl as he takes over my mouth and I gladly give it to him.

"Fuck…" The sound of his cell phone ringing from his pants pocket on the floor separates our mouths. He eases me off his lap and I lay on my side watching him retrieve his phone. Christian is a sight to behold, he is all long legs, tight ass, a strong broad back which I now see is marred with small round scars. Chicken pox maybe…

"Mom? What wrong…Ok… yes she is right here with me… No you didn't wake us…" His face his tight as he stares at me naked in bed. Somehow the idea of being on the phone with his mother makes me cover myself with the sheet and he scowls at me and shakes his head. "Is she ok?"

I sit up in bed, and throw my feet over the edge, realizing there is something wrong with Olivia.

"Just put her on the phone mom and I will give the line to Ana…" He holds the phone away from his body and covers it with his hand.

"Olivia had another nightmare, she won't calm down and she keeps asking for you." I nod and take the phone from him, taking a deep breath I put it to my ear and I can here Olivia sniffling on the other line.

"Hey monkey…"

"Ana…" My heart cracks open and starts to bleed in my chest when I hear the ragged haunted tone of her young voice. Life is not fair, this poor child…This is all too much and I feel overwhelmed and out of my depth. What do I know about children, what can I possibly do for her. She is like a small bird with two broken wings.

"Yeah baby it's me… what happened?"

"I had a bad dream… the man… and then I used your watch… but your room was empty…" She started to cry again, deep sobs. I try to lull her with my voice, telling her over and over and over again that it is going to be ok. He sobs stop and her breathing returns to normal but I know she is still crying and I want her here, with me.

"We don't live there Olivia…You need to go to Grace and Carrick's room when you wake up alone and scared. They will always be there…"

"But I want you…" I inhaled sharply… my inner goddess crying in the corner saying I want you too Olivia…

"I know… But that is not possible monkey… Grace and Carrick they are going to be your parents… they are going to help you…"

"Not you?"

"Of course I am too… and Chris… and Mia and Elliott and Dr. Flynn… we are all going to help you…"

"I want you Ana..." She starts crying hysterically and I want to get in the car and drive over there, wrap her in my arms and make all this go away. I hear yell out no and I can tell that Grace has tried to hold her, the slap of Olivia's hand most likely on Grace's forearm. Olivia wales louder and I know that this needs to be nipped in the bud.

"Olivia, enough…" I change the tone of my voice and she instantly stops crying. "I get that you are scared and that you feel alone… but you are not alone… and you can't carry on like this when you don't get what you want… Grace wants to help you and you must let her do you understand?" She whimpers a small yes, and I hope I am doing the right thing. "Now, it is very late and you should be asleep, I am sure Grace and Carrick would let you sleep with them…Now I am going to go back to sleep, you be a good girl and I will see you tomorrow morning…"

"Tomorrow?" I can hear the hope return to her voice and I feel deep down in my gut that this tactic is working.

"Yes, I will come for breakfast and we can spend the day together ok?"

"Promise?" I hear Christian's voice in my head… begging me to promise that I will never leave him.

"Yes monkey I promise. Now go to sleep sweet girl…Give the phone to Grace please…"

"Ok, good… night Ana…"

"Ana…" Grace sounds exhausted and defeated, not like her usual self at all.

"Rough night huh?" I ask already knowing the answer to the question. She laughs nervously into the phone and I can feel the tension leaving her body.

"You could say that. Ana… Thank you…"

"Don't thank me yet…I err, told Olivia she could sleep in your bed tonight." I hadn't thought that through, there was the off chance that was not at all what Grace wanted.

"Of course she can." I wave of relief washed over me, my shoulders finally slumping.

"I also promised I would come for breakfast and spend the day with her tomorrow."

"Thank you Ana… She has attached herself to you…"

"We have attached to each other I think… So I will see you tomorrow…Good night Grace…" After she thanks me again and says her good nights I hand the phone to Christian, who I forgot was in the room. Once my eyes lock with his I start to cry and I can't hold back. He is at my side in an instant, his arms around me his hand in my hair, quietly soothing me.

"She was so…scared…" Christian knows all that Olivia has gone through but I couldn't bring myself to ask. I didn't want my mind stained by those memories; I wanted to only see Olivia going forward.

"I know baby… I know... You handled that well, very well… You set limits and rewards… That is what she needs now more than anything. Trust me I know." I cried harder just imagining a four year old Christian, hurt and scared and confused. I held on to him tighter, wishing I could open myself up and pull him in, keep him safe, keep them both safe. I want ask him how he knows, I want to know why he is the way he is but all I can do is cry onto his bare chest until exhaustion takes over and he eases me back on the bed. Wrapping me up in his arms and in the cool fabric of the sheets until we both drift off to sleep.

* * *

There is a sound she makes when she is sleeping, I could listen to her for hours. The soft release of the breath from her body, the whisper of a sigh escaping from the back of her throat. This is the woman I love, a love that I never thought someone like me could be capable of. I allowed her to touch me, I needed her too and I am not sure why but when she gave herself over to me something shifted. She allowed me to touch her in a way that caused her pain and I had no choice but to respond in kind. In the moment I gave myself over to her, the pain was unbearable but then I saw the look in her eyes. A complex mix of shock, awe and love and I knew in the blackness of my heart that I was doing the right thing and the pain just dissipated. Mind over matter.

I can feel her slight frame stretch against mine and I know that she is waking, it feels like Christmas morning. I pull her closer and she pushes back, pressing herself against me and I wonder if her perfect ass is sore. The idea that it is makes me harden against her.

"Good morning baby…"

"What time is it?" I crane my neck over her shoulder and kiss her cheek as I look at the clock.

"It's almost eight."

"Are going into the office today?"

"Yes, I have no choice. I have a million meetings and SIP is getting relocated today." The last two days working from home have been difficult, I am grateful that Ros is more than capable of picking up my slack but it is not the same when I am at the helm. "You are going to see Olivia correct?"

"Yes, I promised her that I would." The connection between Ana and Olivia left me conflicted. On one hand I was elated that Ana was able to help a child not so unlike myself, a child that was now my family. But then there was this other color to their relationship and I knew that they both wanted more.

"I will have Taylor take you after he drops me off at the office."

"I would take myself but my car is still at the office…" Now is probably not the right time to tell her this, but I had her car moved days ago. That death trap is not fit for an enemy to drive no less the woman I love. "Christian my car is still at the office isn't it?"

"No, I had it relocated…"

"To where?" I could hear the rising anger in her voice and I knew this was going to be a fight.

"Well, it is apparently a classic so I am having it restored…In the mean time I would like to buy you a new car?"

"Restored… you are having Wanda restored?" Only Ana would name her car.

"You named your car Wanda?"

"Yes, Fried Green Tomatoes…" I have no idea what she is talking about; this conversation is not taking the turn I expected. "It's a movie… forget it… when will I have her back?"

"I few months…"

"Months?" She wiggles out of my arms and turns towards me her deep blue eyes blazing with anger. I look at her sheepishly trying to use what god had given me in an effort to appeal to her forgiving side. "You had no right to do that. I loved my car just as she was… Sure she was slow and broken… but so are you!"

"I'm slow…" I burst out laughing as her cheeks turn pink and she covers her face with the sheet. I yank it away from her and she smiles and I know I am forgiven.

"Ana, it was not safe. If it was up to me it would be in the junk pile, but you told me you love it so I am trying to make it safer. In the mean time I will buy you a new car…"

"You already have right?"

"Well, yes… It will be here on Friday."

"You are an exasperating man…"

"I have been called worse Ana. Now let me show you how slow. I. Can. Be."


	20. Chapter 20

I don't think I will ever get used to the idea of having Taylor drive me around, the idea of having Gail cooking me breakfast. I don't think I will ever be comfortable with Christian's money and status. It is an unimaginable about of wealth, when Kate was doing research for her article (God that seems like a lifetime ago) I remember her telling me that he makes over one hundred thousand dollars an hour. An hour! That is crazy, stupid money.

So for now I am sitting in the back if Christian's Audi, Taylor silent and stoic in the front seat driving in the rain through Seattle traffic. I want to pepper him with questions about Christian, there are so many things I want to know, need to know but I know that Taylor would never answer a single one and I guess that is a good thing.

We pull up to the Grey's mansion, it looks even larger and grander in the daylight and you can see where the old house ends and Elliott's ambitious design begins. He integrated it well, but I can see his flair for the dramatic and contrast. Taylor opens the door and holds an umbrella, I can't help but chuckle that this has become my life. If there would have been a puddle I could imagine him laying his jacket down. He walks me to the door, until I am shielded by the oversized portico and nods before he turns to walk away. There is something going on with him and I can't put my finger on what. I can't imagine how hard his job is, being on call all the time, risking your life. Trying to find a balance, when your life becomes all about another person and then with Gail.

The door opens and Grace greets me with wide open arms, embracing me. I have known her for only minutes stretched out over a few days and yet I feel like I had known her forever. She is open and warm, she smells of comfort and home and I understand how she was able to raise three exceptional children because she is an exception person.

"Ana, thank you so much for coming. Olivia has been giddy in wait…" On cue I can hear her scurried footsteps as she yells out my name throwing her body at me. I lift her up in my arms and she wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist.

"Ana… I have missed you." She whispers in my ear nuzzling my neck and my heart smiles.

"I missed you too monkey." She pulled her body away from me, looking at me intently cocking her head to one side and then without warning kisses me on the cheek. Grace and I lock eyes for a moment and she smiles and nods her head in approval. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"I did… I slept with Grace and Mr. Cary…it was nice…"

"Good I am glad…Come on I am starving…Want to make pancakes?" She nods her head with fury and the three us make our way to the kitchen, Grace's arm draped over my shoulder.

"So… Tell me, Grace how is she doing, really doing?" Olivia is sitting Indian style on the floor, eating a plate full of pancakes watching My Little Pony, she is laughing and happy, all sticky hands and wide eyes.

"Well, last night was rough. She was just screaming and screaming. When we got to her she was almost like in a trance and then she looked at her watch and jumped off her bed looking for you. When the room was empty she just broke down all over again. It was heart wrenching. She wouldn't let me or Cary hold her. Christian was like that too, only he didn't scream and cry, he would self soothe and keep it all in." I imagined him waking in the night alone and afraid, I felt a chill run through my body. "I am taking leave from work, at least until the summer. We need to get her in school and in a routine but she is not really ready yet. Flynn is going to start seeing her three days a week and then we are going to get her playing an instrument. That worked wonders for Christian."

"He plays?"

"Yes, the piano. He plays very well actually, concert level." I remembered seeing a large black grand piano in his apartment and made a mental note to ask him to play for me.

"I didn't know that. But I guess there is a bunch about him I don't know."

"You will learn Ana. I can see the change you have made in him. He has never brought anyone around; he has always been such a loner. But with you… he looks so happy. I can't remember the last time I saw him smile. I am so grateful what you have done for him and now for Olivia." I turned my eyes back to her, still laughing eyes fixed on the TV.

"I promised that we would spend the day together. But now I am not sure what we should do." She sipped her coffee for a moment and I dug into the plate of pancakes before me, I really as starving.

"Well, she needs some clothes and toys. It's been a very long time since I have had a child roaming these halls. Why don't you take her shopping? I have to run to the hospital and finish up some paperwork and charts before my leave starts. You would actually be doing me a huge favor."

"That's a great idea."

"Let me go run and get you some cash, there is this children boutique on Main that has the cutest things. Taylor

knows where it is." I frowned, I was thinking like the sale rack at The Children's Place at the mall maybe TJ Maxx. "Something wrong Ana?"

"No, I just was thinking like the mall or Target."

"Well you could do that too but I know this is new to you, we have a great deal of money. Sometimes I forget… I want her to have the best of everything. When I think back to what she was brought in to the hospital wearing." Grace shuddered, and shook her head. "No, Ana I will give you my credit card. Spend what you wish, anything she wants. I don't want to spoil her but I think she deserves a little bit of indulgence."

I took the black Amex and slid it into the pocket of my jeans.

"Do you think I will have a problem using it?"

"I will call ahead… You should be fine, if not call me."

"Monkey let's get you dressed, we are going shopping."

* * *

The trunk was full of pink and purple bags, over flowing with adorable clothes and tissue paper. The rain had finally stopped and Olivia was yapping away and singing along with Adele the radio about setting fire to the rain. It was startling that she knew every word, every key change. Grace was right; music would be her answer too.

"Taylor…"

"Yes Olivia?" He had a bemused look on his face; it was quite the change from his usual stone faced façade.

"I am hungry, can we go get Chris and some lunch?"

"That is a really great idea Olivia. What do you think Taylor?"

"I think Mr. Grey would like that very much." Olivia squealed with joy.

"You know what…Olivia, I have a daughter about your age…her name is Sophie…" he said her name wistful, with a hint of hidden sadness. I wondered with the demands of his job how often he was able to see her.

"You do?" She was saying out loud what I was thinking. Taylor had a daughter.

"Yes, I do…I will bring her by one day… you can put your new tea set to good use."

"Is she nice?" The whole tenor of Olivia's voice changed, and fear set in.

"Of course…very nice…"

"Oh…Ok."

"Monkey, were there kids that were not nice to you?" She didn't answer, but she looked like a shade had come down as she stared out the window. "Monkey?"

"No… I just didn't get to play with other kids…what if she doesn't like me?"

"That is not possible. You are sweet and funny and very pretty. You and Sophie are going to love each other. Right Ana?"

"Right!" She thought for a moment, twirling a long strand of her hair.

"She could be my friend?" And then it hit Taylor and me at the same time. Olivia never had a friend, a child her own age to play with. I knew from Christian she hadn't ever been to school and that she was not able to read, so it made sense that friends would have been scarce.

"Yes… she could be your friend…" She nodded gently, the idea sinking in her head and then she smiled.

"A friend…"

* * *

Olivia was wide eyed as we walked through the lobby of Christian's building. The glass and metal and the sheer scale of the place were awe inspiring, I still found myself look upwards as I walked through. We finally made it to his floor and walked down the long marble hallway to his office.

"Hi Andrea. Is Christian available?" The cool blonde had warmed substantially since our last meeting and smiled as we approached.

"He is in a meeting right now Miss. Steele. Let me tell him you are here…" She picked up the phone. Watching Olivia and I, and then handing Olivia a palm full of M&M's from the bag on her desk. Olivia looked at me before she took them and only after I nodded that it was ok. Her thank you was barely a whisper. "Mr. Grey, Ana is here to see you. Go on in Miss. Steele."

Olivia shoved the last few candies in her mouth and reached her arms up, a silent request for me to carry her. She was so small for her age, so light so under fed and under loved. I knew she was scared, his offices were intimidating to many a business mogul I could only imagine what Olivia was thinking. I hoisted her up on my hip and made my way to his office.

I was shocked to find that he was not alone, there was a tall thin blonde headed woman sitting on the sofa. She looked at me under her hooded eyes and false lashes and I felt like I was being weighed and measured.

"Well this is a nice surprise." Christian walked around his huge desk and was quickly at my side. He kissed me gently and then rubbed his hand over Olivia's curls. She squirmed away from me and snaked around Christian. It was a welcome relief from her pulling around my neck and I really loved watching them together. He whispered something in her and she giggled.

"Ana, Olivia… This is my friend Elena…"

"Elena, this is my girlfriend Ana and the newest Grey Olivia." I still got this thrilling feeling every time he referred to me as his girlfriend, just another thing that I would never get used to I guess.

Elena slinked off the sofa and sashayed her way over. It was only close up that I realized that she was a great deal older then she appeared but she was stunning none the less. Her lean frame was draped in black head to toe, an expensive bag on her arm and the razor sharp blonde bob gleamed.

"Ana, it is very nice to meet you. Christian has spoken so highly of you. And Olivia… aren't you a pretty little thing, I can see why Grace was unable to resist you." She made me uncomfortable; she was like a neon sign flashing COUGAR. She reminded me of a villain in a Disney film. I could see she made Olivia feel the same way, because she turned her head away from her and climbed higher up and Christians body. "Darling, I have to be off but thank you for your advice as always."

"Of course Elena. Call me if you need anything else." She nodded and reached out giving his forearms a squeeze and in that moment I knew she was one of the fifteen, my heart dropped to my stomach. I watched her walkout of his office; her six inch heals clicking away.

The air in the room shifted once the door was closed behind her, all three of us visibly relaxed. I bit my bottom lip in an effort to stop myself from asking Christian who she was. He raised his eyebrows silently asking me to stop, the desire in his eyes making my heart race.

"So what brings you two here today?"

"Grace sent us to do some shopping…" He raised his eyebrows and smiled. "And Miss Olivia here wanted to come and get you for lunch."

"Lunch… That's a great idea. I have been so busy today… I forgot that I was hungry." He draped his arm over my shoulder leading us out of the office. "Andrea, push back the rest of my afternoon, I will be back at three."

"Of course Mr. Grey."

"So you went shopping… What did you ladies buy?" Olivia rambled on, telling him in great detail. Every dress, every toy. His patience was unbelievable as he hung to her every word, asking questions. This is what it could be like Ana… a family… My subconscious whispered wearing a trench coat and fedora under a street lap, on a fog covered street. I exhaled sharply at the thought, pushing the idea out of my body along with my breath.


	21. Chapter 21

I find myself watching her, just following her movements, her simple mechanical actions and I am transfixed. She is acting distant and removed and I can't figure out why. We spent the afternoon with Olivia, and then I went back to the office. Gail made us dinner, which Ana ate quietly avoiding my touch and my attempts at conversation; her mind was in another place and for some reason I let it be. It was not like me to just leave things be but I was trying to be a boyfriend not a dom and it was clear that Ana needed some space.

So now hours later all I can do is watch her unzipping her dress, and sliding into her sweatpants and tee-shirt. I can watch her standing at the sink, brushing her teeth, pulling her hair back and then washing her face. Simple mechanical movement.

"Ana is everything ok?" She finally looked in my direction and gave me a false smile. Fuck, I could feel a fight brewing. I was really not in the mood. The move from SIP to Grey was a clusterfuck of epic proportions. Ros, my second in command is getting married in three weeks and will be away for a month on her honeymoon and we are in the middle of acquiring a huge government contract, and if I needed a cherry on top of my day an entire shipment of food and medical supplies was hijacked in route to Darfur today. All I want to do is get Ana naked and fuck, and I mean really fuck but I don't see that happening.

"Everything is fine." She mutters back dismissively. My palm twitches, I hate being lied to. I know she is lying because her eyes are down and her brow is furrowed, it is her tell. I am learning her body like a map, every curve of her hip, every smile she has, every motion of her hand, it is all becoming a guide. A how to of Ana.

"Ana, just tell me and get it over with." Her eyes meet mine, and they are blazing with anger.

"Fine, who was that woman today in your office?" She cocked her one eyebrow and crossed her shoulders across her chest, Ana was challenging me. Everything in my body tightened at the thought and my entire hand began to twitch and my cock hardened. I casually sat at the foot of my bed, taking my time to answer. I wasn't really sure how much I wanted her to know about Elena.

"Elena Lincoln. She is a very old and very dear friend and business partner."

"Well you got the old part right." She was being smug and childish and I was quickly reminded that she was only twenty two.

"Ana, she is forty one, and a fine specimen at that." Her face contorted in anger and I had to stifle my laugh. This was fun, Ana was jealous.

"Whatever Christian. I am done with this day… I am going to sleep." She flung back the duvet with dramatic flair and crawled into bed, turning off the light on the nightstand, leaving me to sit there in the darkness. I watched her for a moment, the moonlight edging the curves of her body. I stood and pulled off my suit pants and shirt, throwing them on the chair in the corner.

"Ana, she is a friend. Don't make this a thing." I muttered as I pulled on my black silk pajama pants. I found it odd that I was in silk and Ana was in grubby old cotton.

"She used to be more…I could tell by the way she was looking at you…Was she one of the fifteen?" Fuck, fuck, fuck. Just Fuck.

"Yes… she was…a very very long time ago." Her eyes grew wide and then with lightning speed she was up off the bed and standing in front of me. I was waiting for her to stumble but she didn't, her anger trumped her gracelessness.

"And you just introduced me to her… and Olivia…"

"She is a family friend and you would have met her sooner than later anyway."

"Wait a family friend?"

"Yes, she is friends with my Grace. She was married to a college buddy of Carrick's. I have known her since I was a child."

"How old were you when she became your sub?"

"Ana, I became hers…she didn't become mine until much later on… Look, this is a very long story… I had a bad day so if sex is off the table, I think sleep is the next best option."

"Oh, sex is most certainly off the table Mr. Grey." She stormed passed me, and walked out of the bedroom. I had a choice to make… Do I stay and regain some semblance of control or do I follow her like a puppy dog. I thought for a long moment, until I finally gave in choosing option number two. Puppy dog.

* * *

I found her in the kitchen, standing in front of the stove her eyes intently watching the tea kettle. She pulled her hair out of its floppy bun and it fell down on her back, her fingers rubbing into her scalp.

"Headache?" She turned slowly at the sound of my voice, her eyes had softened and she nodded once. "Ana, look I have a past a very sorted past… Elena and I have a shared history, but it is history…we are friends and business partners. That is all. I didn't really see you as the jealous type."

"I'm not generally, but I guess I never hand anything worth being jealous over. She was just so familiar with you. I didn't like it, I didn't like her. And I like her even less knowing that she was your first, the same way you are mine." I made my way over to her, turning the flame off on the stove and then wrapping my arms around her tightly. Somehow she made cotton sweats sexy and alluring, maybe because it was only I who knew what lied beneath.

"Ana, what you and I have is not even in the same category of what Elena and I did. She was my first fuck, yes but you were the first and only woman I have ever made love too." She stood up on her tip toes, I could feel her back stretching in my arms and gently pressed her lips to mine.

"Chris… how old were you?" She looked up at me, her lips almost touching mine as she spoke.

"I was fifteen…almost sixteen." Her eyes closed like I had inflicted pain on her. "It was not like that Ana; I was a mess at that age. Hormones and rage, I couldn't be touched unless it was in the heat of a fight. I was drinking… steps away from drugs. Elena she gave me the focus and drive I needed…" She put her hands on each side of my face, pulling my eyes to hers. Her gently touch caressing away my building anger, soothing me.

"You were a child… that is not what you needed. Fucking and beatings you needed love…"

"No… I need love now from you, but then trust me when I tell you…I needed fucking and beatings and then control… Look this is ancient fucking history."

"No it's really not, the damage she caused you… it seeps into every part of your life. You would have become this person without her… Look at Elliott and Mia, they are exceptional people because of Grace and Carrick…"

She was so naive, she had no clue who I really was and if I had it my way she never would. She wanted to see the best in me, and I find myself wishing that I was actually that man. The version of me that Ana thinks I could have been, without Elena in my past. I chuckle and Ana frowns, the one thing all of my money can't buy me is time and a clean unmarred past.

"This is not funny, I am serious… you don't see yourself Christian… not really…"

"Baby, I am not laughing at you…" I wish I could see myself through Ana's lens, her huge innocent eyes. So clear and focused, so full of life and expectation. She relaxed her lithe body against mine, her head on my chest and my hands intertwine in her hair, rubbing the base of her neck. She moans, just a small noise and slides her hands down my body resting them on my hips. She is completely unaware of what she is doing, as we sway gently together.

"Ana…" I lift her off the ground, her body molding to mine and sit her on the cold marble of breakfast bar. Her eyes grow wide as her smile, as I lift my tee-shirt over my head.

"What are you doing?" She squeals out as I spread her legs and loosen the tie of her pants.

"I am putting sex… literally back on the table… Ms. Steele."

I was dreading telling him my plans for the night. I felt like I w

* * *

as asking my father for keys to the car as a teenager. I picked up the blackberry he insisted that I carry and typed with trembling thumbs. No fuck this. I am an adult. I had a life and friends BC, and I would be dammed if that would change AC.

**From: Anastasia Steele**

**Subject: Tonight**

**Date: March 13 2013 11:22**

**To: Christian Grey **

Chris-

I forgot to mention this morning at breakfast that I have plans tonight with Kate and Jose... I think Elliott is joining us laters…If you want to come…

x Ana

P.S. I can't stop thinking about this morning…

**From: Christian Grey**

**Subject: Memory Lapse**

**Date: March 13 2013 11:23**

**To: Anastasia Steele**

Ana,

I am fairly sure you didn't forget, luckily for you I already knew. Elliot and I will pick you guys up at the bar at eleven and then we are going back to Masion Gris. I am heading into a meeting, but this morning is on my mind as well.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

He already knew, of course he did. I laughed, not that it was funny. It was the opposite of funny. In the week we had been together, Christian had involved himself in every aspect of my life. The blackberry was just the tip of the iceberg. I had a brand new wardrobe, with new things arriving by the day. Luke Sawyer, was the body guard assigned just to me, everywhere I went there he was. I wanted to go to the supermarket and pick up a few things for make for dinner, you know like a regular girl would do for her man. My usual stop at the ATM unearthed the fact that fifty thousand dollars had been deposited into my account. How he knew my account number, I shuttered to think. My student loans had been pain in full, and he shoved a black Amex in my wallet despite my protests. Even my car, it arrived a day early. It was a gleaming white Audi, sporty and safe. Christian's words in my head, he eyes were gleaming when he handed me the keys. I couldn't deny him; he looked the happiest when he was giving things away. This was not the life I wanted, a man who gave me things. I mean it was nice and all, I am not going to lie but it made me feel cheap, bought and sold.

I shook the thought from my head and tried to get excited about tonight. I stood before the closet trying to figure out what to wear, then giving up. I needed Kate; I would just wait for her.

"Steele I can't fucking believe this closet… I mean seriously some of this stuff just came off the runway." She pulled a few dresses out and held them against her perfect frame.

"You can take and borrow whatever you like Kate, this red one would look sick on you." It was so nice to be on the other side of this, me offering Kate things. I smiled as she quickly stripped out of her jeans and pulled the dress over her head. The dress was a deep dark red, a few shades darker and it could have been black. It had a deep open back and structured square cap sleeves.

"What do you think bra or no bra?" She turned to me, with a shit eating grin on her face, knowing the answer to the question. She unhooked her bra and threw it on the bed. "Victoria Beckham really knows how to make a dress."

"You look hot Kate… I have heels that match… hold on…" She slid them on her feet and the look was complete.

"Ok, now you…Uh… black? No not black…" She thumbed through hanger after hanger and then she pulled out a dark silver grey spangled mini dress, it was short and tight, adorned with sequins that ombred from a light grey on top to a deep dark silver on the bottom.

"This is perfect… seriously perfect…Steel for Steele" I was more bashful then Kate, I turned my body away from her and took off my robe, quickly stepping into the dress. She was behind me and zipped it up quickly. She was right, the dress was perfect. It felt like body armor, the color and the weight of the dress on my body. I felt powerful in it, like I could kick some ass.

"Jose is one lucky guy tonight…" She smiled and then threw her arm over my shoulder.

"He said he has some news… let's hope it's a girl because his heart is going to stop when he sees you in this dress Steele… Come on lets go get our war paint on."

* * *

Kate and I walked into our usual bar like we had done a million times before and yet this time felt different. I was different. We walked through to slacked jaws and whistles from the regulars we had grown to call bar friends and made a few stops along the way. The whole time I could feel Jose's eyes on me. We locked eyes a few times and I smiled but his eyes were cast in sadness and I suddenly felt like a fraud.

"Well you two are a sight for sore eyes." He put a smile on his face, and grabbed Kate into a hug. He wrapped his arms around me with trepidation and shrugged and held him close my hands around his waist, trying anything I could to erase that sadness from his eyes.

"You don't look so bad yourself Jose." He looked fantastic, like a model in his tight black jeans, well-worn black boots and pale blue V-neck tee shirt that showed off his glowly tan skin and pronounced collar bone. I shifted in my seat, confused by the effect Jose was having on me.

"Earth to Ana…" Kate voice broke my thoughts and asked me what I wanted to drink. I managed to mutter out the usual and pulled my buzzing blackberry out of my bag, to find a text from Christian. I quickly typed my reply and looked up to Jose frowning at me.

"That was Christian, he is running late… They will be here after eleven… but that just gives us more time to hang out."

Our drinks came and I was grateful for the distraction, wishing my vodka cranberry was a bit stronger.

"So this guy… is it you know… serious Ana?" His voice was timid, not like Jose at all and I nodded.

"Yeah, I guess it is…He is really a great guy. You will like him."

"I don't think so Ana and you know why…" He pounded down his drink and waived the waitress over. "I think shots, girls… shots?" He looked at us with wide eyes and we both nodded in agreement. She grabbed my hand under the table about his last comment. A moment later six shots arrived at our table and we held the first one up clinking our glasses together, spit and salt on our hands, a limes sitting in wait.

"Ok, spill Jose… what is this news you have to tell us in person."

"Well, my grant ran out…and I applied for another one…I got it…" His smile was huge, his shoulders broad, his chest puffed out. "But it's in New York… I am leaving tomorrow morning…"

"Wait WHAT?" My heart fell to my belly, Jose was leaving and sadness filled my chest where my heart once lived. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I mean there is no reason to stay. I got a cheap flight, an apartment waiting…My bags are packed and I am ready to go…" His brow furrowed for a moment, and then Kate took over oozing excitement and assaulting him with questions. I did my best to smile and swallow the lump in my throat but I felt like I had just been hit by a bus. Kate handed me the second shot and I mechanically licked my hand, sprinkling it with salt. This second shot was harder to take, I bit into the sour lime and I could feel the tears well up in my eyes.

"Ana, are you ok?"

"Yeah the shot, just took my breath away." I wiped away the tear from my cheek. "You are going to love New York, I wasn't there for long but I loved it… The pictures you are going to take…"

* * *

It was getting close to midnight, and we had sat for hours talking about old times, and new plans. We ate our way through a plate of fries and wings like we always did and it hit me that we wouldn't be sitting here like this together next Friday. I realized that our bubble was officially popped. Kate had Elliott, I had Christian and Jose had New York.

"I think I am going to take off ladies… Its late and I have a flight to catch…" He stood from the booth and stretched exposing his tight abs and treasure trail. I sat there transfixed and confused. He and Kate hugged, I could hear her voice cracking and she said her goodbyes. I knew my turn was coming and I didn't want to face it. Jose pulled on his wool pea coat and looked me over for a moment.

"Ana, could I talk to you outside for a second?" I looked at Kate who sat back in Jose's empty seat and then back to him. He extended his hand to me and I took it, letting him lead me out of the bar. The cold air hit me as I pulled my coat on, tying it tightly around my waist.

"Ana, I just need to get this out ok… So please don't interrupt me…" I bit down on my lip and nodded, preparing myself for what he was about to say.

"I have loved you since I met you Ana, I know you don't feel that way about me. I have accepted that. It was hard but I did it. But then how you reacted to me leaving…I think you do have feelings for me and you are just so scared and self-contained… I am kicking myself for not pushing you, for making you see how good we would be together… and now it's too late… I am leaving and you are dating a billionaire… I can't compete with that… But I am not leaving until I kiss you and you kiss me back." He pulled me into his arms, his sweet breath mixing with mine. I should have resisted him but I couldn't. I felt dizzy and uncertain but there was no time to think as he pressed his lips to mine, my mouth parting for him. He pulled me close and I wrapped his arms around his neck, stunned by the intensity of his mouth, the want and need I felt and I knew that I would never think of Jose like a brother again.

Kissing him was so easy, so unencumbered by a past I didn't understand. But Christian's eyes flashed in my mind, his touch, his smile and I knew that deep down my heart was his. I pulled away, gasping for air.

"Jose, I can't…You are my best friend…" Disappointment lined his face and I wished that there was something I could do to make it go away.

"Yeah…but we could be so much more Ana. You could come with me… You said it yourself that you love New York…"

"Jose… I love Christian… I am sorry…You have no idea how much I am going to miss you. How much I wish I could feel for you what you feel for me…"

"You feel it Ana, you just don't want to…"

"Please don't make this any harder than it has to be… Please understand…" My voice cracked and he pulled me into his arms, I slacked against him holding on as tight as I could. I wanted to beg him not to leave, ask him to stay but I didn't have the right. What he wanted from me I could not give, I gave it all to Christian and that was just the way it was but that didn't mean I wasn't torn.

"I am going to miss your face Ana…" I was crying now, unable to stop myself.

"I am going to miss your face too…" He pressed his lips to my forehead, and the quickly released me. The cold winter air wrapping around my body as I watched him walk away into the dark night.


	22. Chapter 22

Holy fuck... You all had a a lot to say about my last chapter... Yay... That was the goal... Background... I was Team Jacob... that does not mean that I am team Jose... I just wanted to see him get a nice send off... but he will be popping up again... Also it as a ode to Twilight, I was trying to be meta... (for those of you following from the beginning, this was going to be a series of short stories...one of which would have been CG as a vampire to add to the meta goodness... if you guys want to read something like that let me know...) so i am glad that came across... This next chapter is CG's reaction... This was way harder to write then I thought it would be... So complicated he is... I find myself listening to a lot of Ray Lamontagne whan i write CG's POV...

Thank you all again for reading and reviewing...

Also I am going to plug Darkness and White again... If you haven't yet please give it a shot...

* * *

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. My heart was beating out of my fucking chest and everything went to hell in an instant. Ana, my sweet Ana was betraying me.

"Christian…Don't." I could feel the weight of Elliot's grasp on my arm like a vice grip, pulling me back into my seat, his voice breaking through my rage. I sat there as I watched Ana get scooped up into this boys arms and she did nothing to stop him.

"What is happening over there right now has nothing to do with you brother…Not a damn thing… Kate just sent me a text that Jose is moving to New York…"

"Sir, your brother is right…" Taylor shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his knuckles white on the steering wheel.

"Like I give a fuck… I am going to tear his arms off… see how he can take photos then…" I tore my arm away from Elliot's, my eyes fixed on to Ana's mouth as she willingly kissed another man. A man she told me was like a brother to her. A long deep kiss, it was full of longing and need. I could feel myself dying; I didn't even know I was alive until I met Ana.

"He loves her…" Elliott yelled out as I opened the car door, one foot on the pavement. Of course he fucking loved her, she was perfect. "He as loved her for years… and he has every right to tell her how he feels… He is making his last stand…You going over there will only push her into his arms…" I halted a moment remembering that Ana was not my sub but she was my girlfriend.

"So what I just sit here and watch…"

"You sit here and wait… That's what you do you wait. You go over there now, seeing red like you are…you will lose her for sure…Trust me… you are new to this girlfriend thing…"

Doubt crept into my mind, maybe she loved him back. I was fifty shades of fucked up and Jose seemed like a more appropriate choice. Ana was an innocent; she deserved a peaceful life, something I knew I was unable to give her. I sat there watching as she clung to him for dear life, tears streaming from her face and I was powerless.

"What if she… chooses him?"

"Then she wasn't yours to begin with…Look he is walking away… Alone…" Ana is standing there in the light from the bar sign, cast in red and yellow. Her expression is full of pain and regret, for a moment I feel like she wants to go after him but then she pulls her cell phone out of her bag and a second later mind starts to ring.

"See…" Elliot smirks and sits back in his seat as I answer my phone.

"Ana…" I can see her face light up and relief wash over her at the sound of my voice as she leans against the brick wall.

"Ok thank god…Christian…I need to talk to you…" I can feel the anger pumping through my veins, where blood used to be. All I can think about is causing her pain, making her pay for this. Making her pay for making me feel so small and impotent. Sitting here watching her like a fool.

"Baby we are talking…" Elliott slaps me in the shoulder and mouths for me to be nice. I glare at him for a moment and he just shakes his head and returns to text who I can only assume to be Kate.

"No I mean in person… something has happened…and you need to know…Where are you?"

"I am about ten yards to your left Ana." Her head slowly lifts and turns, horror spreading across it. I can hear her gasp and see her bite her lip.

"You saw…" Her voice is trembling and I am not sure if is it's because she is scared she is going to lose me or just scared of me.

"That I did…" I clear my throat needlessly and I can see her jump. I can feel my control coming back as I straighten my shoulders.

"Christian… I… it… I mean…Jose…" I closed my eyes, his name was the last word I wanted to hear coming out of her mouth. I can feel my palm twitch, and my cock harden.

"Hang up the phone Ana… I am coming to collect you."

* * *

Everything is wrong… everything… His voice is so cold, so detached. I shiver as I watch him descend from the Audi, his long legs making their way towards me. He moves like a cat, graceful and quietly. Even like this I am stunned by his beauty, everything about him is perfect. Perfectly broken, perfectly fucked up and I can't imagine why I ever kissed Jose at all. I was Christian's, this was an undeniable fact. From the moment I met him, I was done.

_"Hang up the phone Ana… I am coming to collect you."_

His face in neutral, but his eyes are a dark black and I can read the anger and hurt buried beneath his cool exterior. I stand there frozen holding my breath with each step. He is standing mere inches from me, not a word passing between us and despite my fear and shame I can't tear my eyes away from his.

"Hey Ana… Katie still inside?" I manage to say hello my voice small and broken and point to the direction of the bar. I can tell he is unsure about leaving us alone; he just stands there for a few beats as time stands still.

"Ok, I am gonna go get her…Christian…behave yourself. Remember what I said…" He growls but still says nothing and now we are alone. He leans forward, his hands pressed against the brick wall on either side of my head and for a split second I think he is going to kiss me. I can feel that he wants too, his erection pressing into my belly. Instead he just shakes his head and pushes into me a little harder. I gasp, I feel uneasy in this small space, and I have to remind myself to breathe.

"Christian…" I finally speak, my voice pleading unable to take the tension a moment more.

"Don't Ana…What the fuck was that about?" His voice is so controlled it is eerie. I can tell he is trying to keep himself in check and I am grateful for whatever Elliott said.

"Jose… he is leaving… moving to New York tomorrow…He told me he loved me… and that he wanted me to go with him…" His eyes grew wide, his jaw slacked and I remembered my promise that I would never leave him. "But I told him no… I don't love him…" I couldn't get the words out quick enough.

"And then you fucking KISSED HIM!" The flood gates were opened, his anger was unleashed and if my back wasn't literally up against a wall I would have jumped back away from him.

"Yes I did…" I couldn't even look at him. He was so hurt, that is why he was so angry, and I had betrayed his trust.

"Why… tell me why…"

"I don't know… I mean he kissed me… he told me how he felt… we were saying goodbye… that is all that was…"

"That's a lie Ana... there was more to that kiss then just goodbye… and I got a front row fucking seat!"

"What do you want me to say… That I hated kissing him… I didn't… Kissing Jose was easy and you know there was no fear in it, no drama, no sadness… just a bunch of what if and if only…"

"So what you are saying is that kissing him was what… better then kissing me?! Be honest, do you love him Ana?"

"I love you… and when he kissed me I realized that you are the only person I ever want to kiss…Jose is an easy choice… but you are the right one…Please you have to believe me when I tell you that you are it for me…"

"I can't even look at you right now Ana." He turned his body away from me and far set in, he was walking away. I lunged forward pushing my body off the wall and grabbed his arm.

"Christian… Don't…Please…" I felt frantic and frenzied. This could not be happening. He stilled at my touch and turned to me very slowly, his jaw tight, his eyes dead.

"Don't what Ana…Leave you…You forget you promised never to leave me but I never promised that I wouldn't leave you." I gasped, feeling like he had punched me square in the belly. All of the air leaving my body and it took me a moment to regain a shred of my composure as the tears fell from my eyes.

"You don't mean that…Chris… you don't… I hurt you and I am sorry. But what happened between Jose and I had nothing to do with you. It was something that should have happened a long time ago… I am sorry that it happened at all… Please don't do this…Please don't leave me…"

"You left me Ana, the moment you accepted his kiss…You left me…" He ran his long fingers through his copper hair and finally looked me in my eyes. We were locked in a trance, gravity pulling our bodies together. I reached out and press my palms to his chest, his fingers wrapping around mine.

"I will never leave you again…Christian…never again…" His arms snake around my waist and pull me towards him and I know that everything is going to be ok. I can feel his breath on my neck and then the soft whisper of his lips.

"I can't kiss you Ana…I am going to fuck you tonight… but I can't kiss you." I can feel my heart break in my chest, a pain that radiates through my entire body. I know he plans on punishing me, and I know that I deserve it. I nod once, a tear falling from my cheek on to his coat and the dye has been cast. His thumb caresses my cheeks, wiping my tears away.

"Baby, don't cry…" I press my forehead to his chest and his finger knot in my hair. "I will forgive you… just not…yet…"

"You crazy kids kiss and make up yet… The night is young and Masion Gris waits for no man…" Elliott and Kate appeared, his arm draped over her shoulder and a cautious smile on Kate's face. Christian looks away from me and smiles at his brother and greets Kate warmly.

"Shall we Ana?" He takes my hand in his and leads us all back to the car, where Taylor has been watching and waiting.


	23. Chapter 23

Ok... wow... last 2 chapters ruffled some feathers... I am so happy you guys are that invested in my story... Even the ones who were less than thrilled... I hope you like this one... if not i am sure you will let me know...

Posing an inspiration song on facebook to play while you ready! Enjoy! Sweet Nothing Florence Welch and Calvin Harris...

* * *

Ana was sitting there, taking small measured sips of her champagne. Her legs were crossed in her impossibly short dress and I wondered if she wore it for him or for me. Jealousy was a new emotion for me, with my subs there was a contract, clear cut guidelines to follow and obey. It was simple really; they were mine, no questions no uncertainly. They were mine. Ana said she was mine but she wasn't really, no contract would ever make that a certainty.

My mind kept flashing back to her wrapped up in his arms, her lips moving with his. It played over and over in my head and my third scotch was not helping. I knew what I needed, what would cure me. I needed Ana on her knees, head down. I needed her to ask my permission to speak. I needed to bend her over the bench in my playroom; I needed her to count as I beat her soft white ass fifty shade of red. I wanted to fuck and not let her come. Deny her the one thing she wanted even if she begged and she would beg. I wanted to drive her as crazy as she was making me. That is what I wanted, that is what I needed.

She looked so tense, and maybe even a little broken and again was it about me or him, I couldn't tell. My stomach knotted up when she looked at me, her mouth curling up into a small smile as her eyes filled up with tears. She shook her head and took a deep breath, willing herself not to cry. She was stubborn, that was for damn sure.

"Come on Ana lets go dance!" Kate shouted and grabbed Ana by the elbow pulling her out of the booth. For a small thing she had the strength of two men.

The music was loud and pumped through me as I watched Ana and Kate dance together. Kate started doing this strange movement that resembled a drunken chicken. It must have been an inside joke because Ana burst into a fit of laughter and started doing it too. Elliott laughed and I suddenly felt like I was the outsider.

"Who would have thought…our girls would have been best friends…Life has a funny way of working out…"

"That it does Elliott." I took a long sip from my glass, my eyes fixed on the shimmer of Ana's dress, hugging the curves of her body. "And I am not sure if she is my girl…"

"So I take it you guys didn't work it all out?"

"We did not." I could feel the tension in my neck. I cracked it from side to side. "Not more than an hour ago her tongue was in another man's mouth Elliott. I know in the crowd you run with that is not a big deal but to me it is everything."

"God you are such a drama queen, are you sure you're not gay!?"

"Fuck you Elliott, if memory serves you are the one who plays for both sides." His eyes shot up in surprise and then he just chuckled. It was such an Elliott response. Nothing ever really got to him. It was fucking annoying.

"Give the girl a break…"

"Elliott stay out of it!"

"Hey don't bark at me. I am not on your payroll…All I am saying is that you are her first… well everything right?" Now it was my turn for wide eye. This is why I liked a signed NDA. I hated the details of my life seeping out into the public or even worse to my family.

"That is really none of your fucking business."

"Whatever…You just want to be mad…You can sit here and stew all you fucking want… ALONE…I am going to go dance with the two hottest chicks in this place." He tipped back the rest of his glass, slamming it on the table and sauntered over to Kate's eager open arms, swooping up Ana into the mix. I watched the trio dance for a few songs, laughing and making fools of themselves. For the first time since I met her, Ana looked like a twenty two year old girl. She looks care free and happy. I guess she was that way before she met me.

The song changed and a haunting voice filled the club, with a strong beat and Kate and Elliot separated from Ana, wrapping their bodies around one another.

**_You took my heart and you held it in your mouth_**

**_And, with a word all my love came rushing out_**

**_And, every whisper, it's the worst, emptied out by a single word_**

**_There is a hollow in me now_**

Ana moved deeper into the crowd so that I had to crane my head to see her moving to the music, a smile on her face, singing along to the music throwing her head back and forth, her hands up in the air.

**_So I put my faith in something unknown_**

**_I'm living on such sweet nothing_**

**_But I'm trying to hope with nothing to hold_**

**_I'm living on such sweet nothing_**

**_And it's hard to learn_**

**_And it's hard to love_**

**_When you're giving me such sweet nothing_**

**_Sweet nothing, sweet nothing_**

**_You're giving me such sweet nothing_**

She ignored the crowd around her, the watchful eye of men and women on the dance floor and then her eye caught mine and I knew this was all for me.

I made my way through the crowd, laser focus on Ana. My hands aching to touch her, to feel her skin, her heat.

**_It isn't easy for me to let it go_**

**_Cause_**

**_I've swallow every single word_**

**_And_**

**_Every whisper, every sigh_**

**_Eats away at this heart of mine_**

**_And there is a hollow in me now_**

The closer I got the slower her movement, her hips making small circles, rolling like waves in the ocean and then the music picked up a beat and she was thrashing around once more.

**_And it's not enough_**

**_To tell me that you care_**

**_When, we both know the words are empty air_**

**_You give me nothing_**

Fuck she was gorgeous and she was mine.

* * *

His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling my core to his. Christian took control of my body, my movements and god could he dance. His eyes fixed on mine, his hands on my ass as we grinded together, my fingers knotted in his hair. The crowd around us, the heat and sweat from all the bodies, the unrelenting pounding beat music. I wanted him to fuck me right there on the dance floor. I stood on my tip toes, leaning as close to him as possible. He needed to forgive me, I couldn't bare the thought that I had hurt him, that I was responsible for a single second of his pain.

"Christian…" His eyes were wild, with anger and I knew he wanted to fuck me too. He spun me around quickly, my back to his front. I panted as he grinded his cock into my ass, his one hand pressing into my belly. His other hand around my shoulders, his thumb caressing my collarbone and I gave myself over, the music slowing down and new beat. I felt his lips on the base of my neck and a chill went through my body, I reached my hands back, grasping at his ass pulling it harder against me. He growls in my ear and then I feel his teeth pull on my lobe. He drags me through the sea of people and I feel like the seas part for him. He know the place well and in a few steps we are standing in a small dark hallway that leads to the back alley. My heart is thumping in my chest as he pushes me against the wall, my ass facing him. He places my arms fully extended flush against the wall, so my body resembles a cross.

"Ana, don't move, not a muscle. Tell me you understand."

"I do…I understand." I take in a large gulp of air as I feel his hands lift the hem of my dress to my hips, and then pulls my panties down to my ankles.

"Spread your legs…" I awkwardly shuffle my legs apart and before I have a chance to balance myself he pulls my hips away from the wall and is slamming into me from behind. His rhythm is furious, frantic and I can feel myself tighten around him as he is reclaiming me. His fingers find their way to my clit, rubbing my in large hard circles.

"I am going to allow you to come Ana…because I know you need it…Let go…" Everything falls away, as he pounds into me over and over, I scream out unable to contain myself as my orgasm rips my body in half. Christian quickly follows, I can feel his quickened breath in my hair and he lets out a low haunting groan, pushing into me once more.

He peels his body off of mine, removing the condom I didn't even realizing he used, tying a quick knot and shoving it into his pocket. He pulls my panties back into place and fixes my dress line nothing happened.

"Ana, it's time to go." We are back on the dance floor and he finds Elliott in the crowd. He releases my hand and the moment he is separated from my body the fear sets in. I have no idea what is about to happen, I know we are going to fight; I can feel it like a summer storm brewing off in the distance. I know he wants to hurt me, and not like the night with the silver balls. This was going to something different. I had foolishly googled.

* * *

"Taylor. Escala and put in your ear buds."

"Yes, of course sir." Taylor and I locked eyes in the rearview and I could see the pity there.

"Ana, I am trying to understand… I really am…but I can't… if I can't trust you…"

"I can't let you beat me…punish me… whatever you call it…I can't." I sat there silently staring ahead, knowing she was right. As much as I needed to punish her, I didn't want to. Not in a really way. Her hands were knotted in her lap, the tips of her finger bright red. I knew in that moment that we were at a fork in the road. We were going to move forward or go our separate ways.

"I know, I don't think I could even if I really wanted to…I don't know what to do here Ana… if we had a contract I would simply terminate it and send you on your way…"

"Is that what you want?" It was a good question, was that what I really wanted. Could one kiss have the power to destroy everything I felt and would feel for Ana?

"No…That is not what want…try and make me understand… I just …"

"He was leaving…My mom is in Georgia… My dad is in Portland… All I have is Kate and Jose… that's it… no siblings… no family really… Kate has Ethan and her parents… but Jose he was in the same boat I was… and now he is gone…I just wanted him to stay… everything is changing…I was drinking… I was scared and sad and I made a huge mistake… I just don't want to be alone I guess."

"Ana, you have me…"

"No I don't, because the first sign of trouble and you were walking away… and you were really quick to remind me that you made no promises to stay…" My words were coming back to haunt me, Ana was more fragile then I even realized and we shared one very potent fear in common. Abandonment. Flynn was going to have a field day.

"Ana, look at me." Her blue eyes are swollen and red, she looks exhausted and in dire need of some reassurance. "I promise that I will never leave you…Do you understand me…" She nods holding back tears and then she hurls herself on to my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck. I inhale deeply, he scent making me crazy. I want to kiss her, but I still can't and I know she can sense it. She makes no effort to bring her mouth to mine, hiding her face in the crook of my neck. I run my hands over her hair and gently rock her body against mine, soothing and lulling her until she fell asleep in my arms.


	24. Chapter 24

OK guys... after much thought and Facebook debate about if Ana cheated or not by kissing Jose... I am still not sure... but CG has made up his mind...

I know some of you wanted her to get punished and others did not... read on... I think I will please both camps... If not you will let me know in the reviews...

Just a side note .. I have had this story outlined from the beginning... so I am leaving you all breadcrumbs in the story... things that might not make sense now... will later... so keep that in mind... this all is leading somewhere very very different from the books...

For those of you reading Darkness and White... I hope to post a new chapter this time tomorrow night... part two begins...

Thank you for all your reviews ans support... I love reading and responding to them... I got as caught up as I could... for thoise of you who i didnt respond to I am sooo very sorry... I hope to not fall that far behind again!

xoxo PPP

* * *

"Baby, wake up…" I hear his voice, and my eyes reluctantly open. My back and neck are sore, and I am hot. The heat from Christian's body is permeating mine. I am longing for the crisp, cool white sheets on Christian's bed and the calm blank tranquil space that is Escala. I just want to sleep until the sun rises and sets once again, putting some much needed time and distance between these last few hours of my life.

I manage to pull my head off of his shoulder. My heart dies a bit as his arms loosen and pull away from me entirely. My eyes refocus on my surroundings and I see that we are not at Escala, and my heart drops for the second time of the night. My throat constricts and I realize he has changed his mind. This pain takes root in my body, I know in my now broken heart that we are over and I only have myself to blame. I make sorrow filled silent promise that I won't cry, that I won't make this any harder on him. I won't resist, I will submit to his wish to leave me, knowing I brought this on myself.

I sit up slowly and slide off of his lap, the cold leather seat a relief on my legs as I open my coat looking for relief and pull it off of my body. I don't look at Christian; I can't bare it, so instead I keep my eyes fixed out the window on to my apartment. The sun is rising over the horizon pink and golden peaches and yellows, mixing with the reminder of dusk's navy and cerulean blues. The Monet like composition of colors reflecting off the water that surrounds Pike's Public Market. The bright red neon sign still glowing in the horizon and for a moment I appreciate the beauty of the place I call home. I don't know when the last time was I saw a sunrise. Maybe never.

My mind drifts to Jose and how this would make a wonderful photo for his show. How foolish I was to ignore the years of his overtures and convince myself that he was like a brother. He wasn't and he never was and he never would be. I just wasn't ready for love and sex and surrender until I met Christian, well Chris... I think about Jose's embrace and his kiss wishing that I never allowed it to happen. Not just for me but for him, if Jose believes he is in love with me he could miss out on his what-if life and the women he is meant to love. I shudder at the thought and say a silent prayer that he goes to New York and finds it and her. I allow myself to acknowledge that am missing him already and I find the irony in the fact that I am losing both Jose and Christian in the same night.

I can hear Christian steadfast breathing behind me and then his hand gently rubbing my back, and I feel as though he is urging me to leave. I take a deep breath, mustering up the will that I need to go.

"I understand…" I mutter to the window, the heat of my breath fogging up the cold glass. I drag my finger through it idly, making the shape of a heart and then quickly wipe it away. I reach to open the door and pause for a moment to see if he will stop me. My heart dies a little more when he doesn't and I finally give in to what is coming next.

"I wish I could take this night back Christian… I really do but I understand…"

The cold morning air fills the back seat as I push the door open and I shiver, my coat still draped over my arm. How quickly the cold takes over me without Christian's warmth. I want to look back and see his face once more but I don't allow myself the frivolity, keeping steadfast to my promise.

"Ana, what do you understand?" There is a twinge of panic in his voice and then I feel his fingers wrap around my wrist pulling me back into the car. His touch ignites the dwindling flame in my body and I want to launch myself at him. But I don't, instead I just sit there not sure what is going to happen. "Ana… what don't you understand?"

"This is my apartment Christian…not yours…"I finally allow myself to look at him. His face is unreadable for a moment, and then he sighs reaching over me and slams the door shut.

"Ana, you were asleep. Kate and Elliott got wasted and couldn't get a cab, we had to double back to pick them up. We just dropped them off."

"Oh…" I could feel my cheeks burn. I was still so confused, so unsure of myself. How did all that happen without me knowing? "Why did you wake me up?"

"To see the sunrise… I thought it could be another first for us…" It ran his finger along his bottom lip, his brow furrowed. "Ana I meant what I said…my promise…but I don't know how to reconcile what you did tonight… I have never been in a situation like this…But I will figure it out… one transgression is surmountable."

His grey eyes are dark, full of hurt and lost ideals. The pedestal he has wrongly put me on has come crashing down and he is trapped beneath it. I felt exhausted and depleted in every way possible. This night was just a never ending, spiral of sadness, loss and confusion. I am too tired to even speak or think. All I can do is watch the sunrise over the water as Christian pulls me into his arms, the warmth of his body warming me once more.

"Taylor… Escala." Christian squeezes me tightly, sighs loudly and Taylor gives him a nod and his usual sir and we pull off as the sun rises behind us, like a phoenix from the ashes.

* * *

We are standing in the elevator, just Ana and I. Taylor was smart and made some excuse about the car, staying behind. His loyalty sometimes takes me off guard, I know that I pay him well but still sometimes I think he would do it for free. I watch her in the reflection of the mirror, head down, brow furrowed, and the slump in her shoulders. She rocks her neck back and forth and I can hear it crack as a small moan falls from her lips. I still have this unrelenting need to cause her pain, to gain control but I can't muster up the want for it. In fact the opposite is true; I am horrified by the idea of causing her pain. But the image of that boy, Ana wrapped in his arms… I shake the idea out of my head halting the rage from building once again.

She yawns softly, covering her mouth and then without warning she rests her head on my shoulder. My body tenses at the touch, it is involuntary, and I can't help it. Right now I don't trust her and without that we have nothing. She looks up seeing the pained expression on my face and quickly stands up straight one again. Now it is my turn to watch the pain line the delicate features of her face. She looks so small standing next to me, so young. I forget that she is really just a baby, a newly birthed doe seeing the world for the first time, with long shaky legs.

Her confession today, took me by surprise. For someone so untouched, she has a past that has done more damage than I would have expected. But thinking on the bits I know, it starts to make sense. Her father dies when she is an infant, her mother is a magnet for the wrong kind of men that come and go. Ana damaged people are drawn to Ana, looking for help and reassurance, looking for a guide. But who guided her? Who held Ana when she was sad? Who helped her in times of trouble and stress? That is where this inner strength came from, her taciturn nature. It stemmed from her loneliness. So despite my raging anger I am trying to suppress and my acclimation to hurt feelings, I want to reassure her and let her see that she is not alone. That I am here, that I will be here.

"Ana… I…" She puts up her hands, and for a second I think she is going to cover her ears. Of course she doesn't but the quick motion stops my words.

"It's fine Christian… It's fine… I can't take anymore tonight." Her voice is small, and she looks exhausted. The doors open and she stumbles out of the elevator, removing her coat and tossing it on a nearby chair. She then removes her shoes and carries them with her. He pace quickens and then she is running and I can hear her sobs. I don't chase her. I can't, my pride won't allow it and I know she really does not want me to.

It's almost seven in morning, and I have gone twenty four hours without sleep. My limbs ache, my head is pounding and my soul is weary. I walk thru my apartment to my study, pouring myself a glass of scotch, drinking it quickly.

I make my way to my bedroom, the bright morning sun pouring through. I can hear Ana in the bathroom, the sound of water hitting the shower floor. I strip naked, no energy for clothing. I find the remote, press a few buttons and the shades draw closed cloaking the room in complete darkness. My body hits the cool sheets, but sleep won't find me. I know she is upset, I think I can almost hear her crying but I just ignore the pang in my chest and lay there.

She emerges from the bathroom after what feels like an eternity, the light from the bathroom illuminating her figure. She is wrapped in my robe, her hair in a knot on the top of her head. She looks over in my direction, thinking I am asleep and then quietly pulls open a drawer, pulls something out and returns to the bathroom closing the door once again.

Minutes later she appears again, but she quickly turns off the light and I can hear her footsteps walking away from me and the door knob turning.

"Ana, come to bed…" I bellow out, not wanting to sleep without her. Shocked by the sheer panic I feel at the thought.

"I wasn't sure if you would want me here." She sits on the edge of the bed and I sit up and pull her back, wrapping her in my arms.

"Even when I am angry I want you Ana." I press my lips to the back of her neck and then pull the tee-shirt off her shoulder, kissing her soft flesh. She lets out a small sigh and wiggles closer to me.

"Good night Christian…" Sleep is the last thing on my mind and all I can think about is my mouth on Ana's clit, her taste, her smell. All I can think about is making her come; her fingers fisted in my hair and then when she thinks she can't take another second of pleasure, my pounding on my cock inside of her. That is all I can think about. I run my hands down her body, grabbing at her breast giving it a firm squeeze. She winces and I realize that I have hurt her.

"Don't… I'm… getting my period…" Well that explains the excessive crying and mood swings. I chuckle in her ear, I can't see her blush but I know she is.

"Well the best thing for that… is this baby…" I push my fingers past her panties and slowly ease them inside of her; she gasps and wraps her hands around my wrist, trying to pull me away. Her small resistance excites me and then her surrender as she finally gives up and I feel her clench around me, grinding her hips. She is saying my name over and over between breathy moans and then taking me by surprise she reaches forward, opening the drawer to the nightstand and pulls out a condom, tearing it open with her teeth.

"Here…" She turns her head back and passes it to me. Reading my mind she wiggles out of my grasp and gets on all fours on the bed, her ass in the air. I kneel behind her, running my hands down her back and then over her ass, wanting to spank her. I yank down her panties and the force startles her. I lift my twitching palm back and slap her as hard as my conscious will allow. She cries out and her body clenches as I slam into her, stilling as she quivers around me.

"Ana, this is going to be for my pleasure not yours…" Without any further warning I pull out and surge into her again, over and over. She cries out and grabs on to the rough wood of my headboard for support. I can feel the shift inside as her orgasm starts to build and her arousal is seeping on to my thighs. This is how I will punish her. This is what I will deny her. I feel the power returning to my body as I pull out leaving her empty and bereft. My cock is pulsing, the thick veins throbbing as I pump my hand over and over exploding into the condom. It was not nearly as powerful as it would have been inside of Ana, but it was more important to prove my point.

I roll over back on to my side of the bed, peel off the full condom and toss it in the bin beside me. I have got to get the fucking doctor in her and tend to Ana. This condom shit has got to stop. I look over at Ana and she is lying with her knees to her chest, still panting. I know that her pussy is not only sore but wanting and I can't help but smile at the thought.

"Ana, we will talk more when we wake up…ok…"

"Yes… Sir…" Her voice is dripping with sarcasm and I know she is pissed at me. I pulled her body to mine and she resists only for a second before she relaxes against me. I pull the blanket up around us and in a few short minutes I can hear her lulled breath as she sleeps.


	25. Chapter 25

It is the sound of my phone ringing that wakes me, I reach out to the night stand and look at the time, and it is three forty in the afternoon. The room is still dark and I know that Christian is not in bed with me. I can feel his absence, his heat, his breath and I have never felt so lonely in all my life.

"Hey Kate." My mouth is so dry that it hurts to speak. I ease my body up to a sitting position and feel the soreness and frustrating want in my core.

"Ana…how are you? I mean you were out of it last night I thought he like drugged you or something."

"Kate, that's silly. I am fine… it was just a very long night."

"Yeah, well that remains to be seen… Do you still… you know live here with me cause I haven't had a roommate all week." I can hear the sadness in her comment and not only am I a shitty girlfriend but I fail as a best friend too.

"Of course I do, I have just… Yes… I do…"

"Good! Come home tonight… I am craving your enchiladas…I have talked them up so much Elliott is craving them now too." I laughed realizing her real intentions, Kate would never change.

"Ok… I will be there in a little bit… the recipe is on the fridge. Why don't you and Elliott get all domestic and got to the market… If I am going to cook the least you guys can do is the shopping."

"Deal! How does six sound…"

"Perfect…"

* * *

I take a long shower, dress in jeans, a v-neck sweater and my new Hunter's rubber boots. I take a few extra minutes to blow dry my hair because I can tell just by looking out the window it is cold. I pull a navy pea coat out of the closet and rip the tags off with my teeth. I feel like shit, like complete and total shit. I am still shell shocked from the callous way Christian punished me last night, so much so that my mind hasn't really dealt with the fact that he fucked me twice, once in the club and once in his bed without kissing me and then using my orgasm as weapon. I felt dirty, the kind of dirty that not even a long shower could wash away. I also felt empty and confused. Nothing made any sense and I didn't know what I was supposed to do to fix the mess I had made.

I wanted to call Jose and see how his flight went and see if he is ok. Our good bye could not have been easy on him either. And despite the drama and heartache it has caused me Jose is still one of my very best friends and nothing, not a wayward kiss or false protestations of love will ever change that. But I can't call him, not now while Christian is in an earshot. The fall out would be too great.

I grab my bag and walk through the long empty hallway to Christian's office, I can her him on the phone and his voice is strained, fierce and if I am being honest a little scary.

"Flynn, cut the crap and tell me what I can do… That is what I am paying you for god damn it…She cheated… yes she did…I told her I loved her… I let her touch me and she cheated…" I can feel the tears well up in my eyes and I wrap my arms around my body. I know I shouldn't be listening but I can't move my legs to walk away either. He is silent for more than a minute and I know he is just listening. He exhales loudly and runs his hand through his hair. "She is the most…important thing to me… I am not treating her like a whore! Do you really think she feels that way? Fuck… just fuck…I can't… I can't kiss her… because she betrayed me… because I am a stubborn stupid asshole… It's not that easy Flynn and you know it…Fine… yes… Monday at seven… I will see you then…" He hang up his phone and bangs what I can only assume is his fist on his desk. I stand there a minute letting my brain absorb all that I have just heard, working up the nerve to walk into his office. I take a very deep breath and run my hand over my hair, willing my legs to move.

"Excuse me… Christian." His head whips around at the sound of my voice and I feel my knees go weak at the sight of him. His hair is a haphazard mess, hours of running his hands thought it. He has not shaved and the dark stubble adds more definition to his strong jaw. He is in a grey wife beater, darkened by his sweat and I know he has just had a very strenuous workout but I see it has done nothing to temper his anger.

"Yes Ana." His voice is even, and I know he is trying.

"I just wanted to let you know that I am heading out…" His eyes widen in surprise and he stands up suddenly. I can see the outline of his erection through his sweatpants and I swallow hard, trying to pull my focus back up to his eyes. "Kate called, Elliot is coming over and we are going to…uh… cook…dinner together…"

"Ah I see and I am not invited to this little dinner party?" He crossed his arms against his chest and slowly walks over to me like he is the lion and I am the gazelle. He is inches away and I can smell him now an earthy mix of man and sweat and sex. If I am breathing I can't think and then to make matter worse he puts his hands on my shoulders.

"Ana are you ok? Last night… was not one of my finest moments… We were supposed to talk this morning…"

"I'm fine… its fine…I understand why you did what you did… your point was well made…as ever… And if you want to come feel free…" His eyes narrow as his runs his hands from my shoulders to my cheeks and again I think he is going to kiss me but he doesn't. Instead he takes a step back and sits at the edge of desk.

"I need to shower, can you wait?" It almost five, I was leaving early anyway not sure if I was wanted here or not.

"Um, sure…"

"Convincing… I will be right back…" He stands and as he walks past me he kisses my forehead briskly, his kiss burns my flesh and I wish I would have just left without telling him I was leaving.

* * *

I am back in my kitchen and for the first time in a week I feel like my old self. I am chopping onions and peppers, grating cheese and it feels good. This is who I am, the girl who cooks Mexican food and hangs out with her friends. I am not the girl in a gown hanging on the arm of a millionaire.

"Hey kiddo you need some help in here." Kate appears with a margarita in hand and a huge smile on her face. I have never seen her this happy before, Elliott has brought out a new side to Kate's already full personality. I watched them tonight with envy. They were so as ease with one another; they touched and kissed without preamble or hesitation while Christian and I sat there barely able to look at one another. I was hiding in the kitchen on purpose, taking my sweet assed time.

"No I am good Kate… go enjoy your man…"

"I would rather enjoy my best friend for a bit… how are you doing? I mean last night was crazy…Jose… wow…"

"Have you heard from him?"

"Uh, yeah… he called to see how you were… I lied and told him you were fine…"

"How was he?"

"He lied and said he was fine…" She held her glass out to me and I took it gratefully, enjoying a long sip. "How are things with you and Mr. Grey… because where I am sitting chilly is the word I would use…"

"Horrible… he won't kiss me…He will fuck me but he won't kiss me…"My voice starts to crack and she urges me to take another sip.

"That low down son of a…ARG!" Kate is pissed, and I smile at my fierce friend. If I only had her balls, what a different Ana I could be.

"I know I fucked up Kate… I know I did… Kissing Jose was wrong for so many reasons… but I can't fix it… if this is how he is going to treat me… like…"

"Like a whore… he is treating you like a whore…" I nod as she reaches out and wipes a tear off my cheek.

"You ladies need some help in here." Elliot and Christian appear in the door way, and I can tell that it was Elliot's idea to join us.

"Grey you are on my shit list…" Kate points her finger at Christian and Elliot burst out laughing. "This is not fucking funny Elliot. You think that you can treat my friend like crap because she made a mistake? How many mistakes have YOU made…What the big deal she kissed a friend…actually HE kissed HER! It's not a big deal… she didn't cheat on you… and you are making her feel like a whore!" I can see him cringe at the use of that word and I can't help it my inner goddess is rooting for Kate.

"This has nothing to do with you." His voice is stern and I know he is only being this calm because she is Elliot's girlfriend.

"If it has to do with Ana then it most certainly has to do with me."

"Kate…" I realize that this is going too far and that I need to put an end to this before it ruins their chance at ever becoming friends.

"No Ana don't…You know Ana is a good girl… you know… what happened with Jose is only a big deal because you are making it one… I mean it was a kiss… just a kiss… hell Ana and I have kissed before." I gasped out her name, in complete in total shock. As a drunken college dare comes back to haunt me. The room went dead silent like she had pulled a pin out of a grenade and threw it on the floor. Elliot smirked as the thought flickered through his mind and Christians eyes burned with grey fire.

"It's not a big deal… see…" And before I knew what was happening Kate turned and grabbed my face crashing her lips into mine. The blood started to rush into my ears, a loud pounding as she forced her tongue into my mouth, my lips parting and sucked on my lower lip. Her arms snake around my body pulling it right up against hers, I felt like a deer in the headlights, frozen. I could taste the lime and salt on her lips as she pulled away, swatting my ass and then turned her attention back to the guys. "Now you have watched her kiss two of her friends this weekend… get over yourself Grey."

* * *

My eyes widen not believing what is happening. It was like watching train wreck in slow motion. Kate's mouth on Ana's mouth, Kate's arms wrapped around Ana's body and then to ass insult to injury she smacks her ass and Ana yelps out. I am furious and completely fucking aroused. I am not sure who I want to take over my knee more.

"Holy fucking shit that was HOT!" Elliott nudges my arm with his shoulder, his eyes fixed on Kate who looks like the cat who ate the fucking canary.

"Shut up Elliott." He opens his mouth to speak again and I glare at him with such intensity that he quickly closes it. I smile that my Dom mode even works on my older brother. Ana's cheeks are fifty shades of pink and red, and she is biting her lower lip with such intensity I wonder how she has not broken skin. She refuses to look me in my eye; instead she stares down at her feet.

"Kate… you have some fucking nerve… I don't know who the fuck you think you are…"

"Hey Christian, calm the fuck down that I my girl you are talking to…"

"I am well aware, which I is the only reason I have not taken Miss Kavanagh over my fucking knee…" Her eyes grow wide with shock, then horror and finally anger.

"Like that would ever happen Grey!"

"Ana is my girlfriend Kate… and I fucking love her… so yes having to sit and watch her kiss another man has caused me some… pain… what if you had to watch Elliott kiss another woman… regardless of the circumstances…" Her entire face changed, as my words resonated in her stubborn irrational head. "Would you be so willing to forgive and forget?" Her silence is her answer and I know I have won the battle but not the war.

"It's still no excuse treating her the way that you have…"

"No you're right… it's not…" I feel the shame wash over me, as I look back at Ana. She has not moved and the way she is standing reminds me of a sub position. "Ana…"

She looks up her bright blue eyes lined with red, and she raises her eyebrows when they finally meet mine.

"What Christian… What?" I extend my hand to her, silently asking her to take it, I breathe a sigh of relief when she does, her small delicate fingers wrapping around mine.

"Would you excuse us for a minute…" Kate's eyes immediately go to Ana's looking for a sign that she is ok. I see how strong their bond is, I believe that Kate would take a bullet for Ana and vice versa.

"It's ok Kate…" She reaches out and gives her hand a quick squeeze and then allows me to lead her to her bedroom. She closes the door behind us and leans against it, her eyes closed like she is waiting for impact.

"Is she right… did I make you feel like a whore." Her eyes remain closed and she nods only once, her confirmation feels like a stab to my heart.

"Baby, that was never my intention… I mean… I wanted to punish you yes… to make you feel how I felt…"

"I know…"

"I forgive you… Ok… it's done… a bad memory… we will chalk it up to inexperience on both our parts…I think we both made a much bigger deal out of this than necessary…" Her eyes finally open and she smiles.

"You think? Thank you… I couldn't bare you being so angry with me…" I make my way towards her, pressing my body against hers; she moans and arches her hips towards mine. I lift her arms over her head and pin them against the door. I run my nose along her neck, breathing her in until I reach her ear and I gently clamp my teeth on the tender flesh of her lobe. "Christian…" her voice is strained and husky and she grinds her body against mine, I smile knowing she is still frustrated from last night.

"You know how fucking hot it was watching you kiss her..." I use my free hand and pull her chin so that she is facing me… "Do you?"

Before she can answer I crash my mouth to hers, reclaiming what is mine. What will only ever be mine. Her lips part and I slip my eager tongue against hers, tasting her once again. She is eager and hungry for my mouth as she kisses me back with equal ferocity. Our mouths moving together like waves crashing against the surf.

There is aloud pounding on the door, and we both jump at the sound. We are both panting wanting needing more.

"Hey are you guys fucking in there because I am hungry?"

Ana giggles, and it is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

"Fuck off Elliott…" I holler back in jest. I quickly press my lips to hers once again and she smiles broadly. "Come on… a hungry Elliott is good for no one."

* * *

Angie... That little girl on girl was my homage to your lemon-tastic story!


	26. Chapter 26

Ok guys... A few things tonight...

First off, I am thrilled that ya'll liked the last chapter... I was on the fence... but we needed some comic relief... and Kate was just the girl to do it... I was LOLing whilst writing... so i had my fingers crossed you guys would too...

Second... I have this idea for a third story swimming in my head... there are a lot of CG cheating stories but none with Ana cheating as far as i can tell... I spent some time on my week off finally reading some stories... there was a lot of not so good but there a few gems out there... Yes I am talking to you Fifty Shades of Taylor... effing brilliant... Fifty Shades of Crossfire... HOT! So I don't know how I would carve out time for another story... but the idea wont leave my head and it is hot... let me know if you guys are interested...

Third...And I want to draw attention to one special story that I am giving an official shout out to... It is called It Happened One Night... by Forever Divine... It is a Teddy Grey story... but it is very special... The writer is still in her teens and I am in awe by her skills... so you all should check it out... follow/review... and be nice you pesky "Guest" whoever you are...

I am also plugging Darkness and White... Just started posting "Part Two" Some of you have mentioned that 80+ chapters seem like a lot... but some of the chapters are 250 words... when you get into the story you will understand why... so if you are not reading it... give it a shot... I am inching to 200 followers... so close...

Thank you all for reading and reviewing...

XOXO PPP

* * *

My stomach is in knots, twisting and turning and I am wishing I would have forgone that second enchilada and the brownie. I blame my fucking period; it has always kicked my ass. The pill helps but it is still soul and energy sucking. My back is aching, I feel bloated and my head hurts, like a marching band it doing drills on my cerebral cortex. And to make matters worse, adding insult to whorish injury I am still well for lack of a better word…Horney because Christian left me hanging. I mean who does that?! Apparently Christian Grey, that's who and why wouldn't he? There is a line of women just waiting if I wasn't here, an interstate full of taller, thinner, prettier more experienced women, with submissive tendencies just panting in expectation. Yes Master whip me. Yes Master tie me up. Yes Master…Yes Master…harder…faster…ARG! It plays like a loop in my head over and over, my subconscious telling me that I am not good enough, that he will find some else, some one more suited to his… needs. Someone like that horrible Elena Lincoln woman, Elena DeVille is more like it...

The rest of dinner was uneventful, but uncomfortable. Kate kept giving Christian dirty looks, and Elliot kept making subtle and not so subtle Sapphic comments. I had to resist the urge to laugh, Kate kicking me under the table and each chuckle just fueled Christians brewing anger. I kind of felt bad, we are all having a laugh at Christian's expense but he took in in stride and even threw out one or two zingers. Sure they were snide and not funny but it was something. It was a relief when Elliot kicked us out so he could fuck his bi-sexual girlfriend without an audience. Kate wrapped her arms around me as we were leaving, holding me a little longer than necessary and whispered something very dirty in my ear making me blush. Christian must have heard because I grabbed my elbow pulling me out of her grasp.

Christian was driving, his eyes focused on the road, Ray Lamontagne coming through the speakers, his haunting raspy voice lulling me in to a trance as my head bobbed along. He reached across my lap and took my hand is in his. Every so often his lifted our joined hands and brushes my fingers and wrist against his soft warm lips. I can't help the jolt that runs through my body or the yearning that is building in my core and I can't help imaging his lips brushing other parts of my body.

But then I remember the last few days and I can't help it, I am pissed. I know I have no right really, I kissed Jose… I know… ok I get it… but even Christian admitted to over reacting. I mean I know that I deserved some sort of retribution but no, actually… I don't… we are in a relationship and I made a mistake… A mistake that I willingly fessed up to… I didn't lie… There is no retribution in relationships. At least I don't think there is, being this is my first relationship and all.

I feel like Christian and I are at a crossroads and I have to decide which way we are going because on Monday he is going to be my bosses bosses boss and the potential fall out is well… unthinkable. We need rules and what the fuck did he call them… hard limits.

"Christian…"

"Yeah baby?" He takes his eyes off the road for a second and looks down at me, a chesterfield cat smile on his perfect fucking face and I know what is on his mind. Damn it. Why does he have to look like that? I can feel my cheeks flush and butterflies in my belly (or maybe it's just the brownie)

"We really need to talk…" His face changes for a split second and then he nods. "I just… I mean…things have gotten really intense between us…I think we need like some guidelines or something…"

"Guidelines?" His raises his eyebrows and thinks for a second. "I don't know what you are trying to say right now Ana."

"Rules I guess we need some rules…"

"Such as?" I can see his body tighten, his back stretches straight as a board and his jaw is tight, even his grip on my hand tightens. My fingers go numb and I pull my hand away from his, shaking them out.

"Err, well I mean… I don't live with you…I live with Kate." He exhales loudly, and I can tell he is exasperated.

"Ana, we have been through this… you are safer with me… your apartment is treasure map of security flaws. Taylor was appalled…With this Jack Hyde thing unresolved and the fact that you are my girlfriend and I am a billionaire. Well it makes you a target." When was Taylor at my apartment? Now I am appalled and a target for what?

"But…"

"No, no buts… I will have your things moved tomorrow."

"See this is what I am talking about. You can't just make unilateral decisions about my life…MY LIFE!"

"Ana it is OUR life. If something happened to you because of your stubbornness… something that could be prevented by a security team… if you were hurt or worse…my life would be… nothing…" His words rip through me, and I know he is right because if something happened to him, I know my life would be nothing.

"Ana, you just have to get used to the idea that you are not alone anymore. I am here…"

"You're here as long as I do what you want and say what you want. You're here as long as I don't cross some arbitrary line that you seem to move whenever the mood strikes you." His words still haunting me… _"You forget you promised never to leave me but I never promised that I wouldn't leave you"_

"Ana... I think considering the events of the past two nights I have been more than… lenient…"

"Lenient? You are not my father… or my commanding officer…or my Dom… you're my boyfriend…" I can feel the car picking up speed at he weaves in and out of traffic. He runs this hand through his hair and I can tell he is trying to control his anger. "And you know what else... you can't use sex as a weapon… because that goes both ways Mr. Grey." I cross my arms against my chest and defiantly stick out my chin, pouting. I know I am pushing the limits. I can't stop myself. I am just so fucking angry; I have lived twenty two years without the great and powerful CG… I have been taking care of people my entire life and he makes it like I am some idiot of epic proportions who can't make a decision without him.

"We should stop talking now Ana." He makes a very sharp right turn and with the wheels screeching pulls the car into the Escala parking garage.

"Why because you said so?" He glides into the space and slams on the breaks, sending up both forward and then back against the seats with a thud.

"Yes, because I fucking said so…we are just going to go around in circles. I made us an appointment for Monday with my therapist… until then we should just not argue…"

"Therapy? I don't need therapy…"

"No, WE need therapy! In case you missed it sweetheart I am fifty shade of fucked up… and you are fifty shades of clueless…" There is a glint in his eye and a smile on his face as the words leave his mouth and it sets my anger on fire.

"Fuck you… I am not clueless…"

"See you are even clueless to how fucking clueless you are…You are dating a control freak baby… a rich, powerful, master of the universe control freak… do you really think I am going to let the one thing…I love more than anything in the world… the one person I have ever said I love you too… the one person who I allowed to touch me… to just live her life like she did before we met… you can have everything and anything you want Ana… You want to be in publishing… I will buy you ten publishing houses… you want to go to Guam… I will take you to Guam…A pony…A kitten…The Crown Jewels of India… DONE… But don't ask me to stop being who I am… I can give up the red room, and the Dom shit and the canes… for fucks sake Ana… I have given up control to have you… but I will not give up keeping you safe…" He is panting, he chest heaving. His hands are gripped on the steering wheel, and I believe he could pull it right off the dashboard, that's how furious he is, almost rabid. He is shaking from anger or frustration; I am not sure which one but I have never seen him like this before. I am less scared for me and very scared for him. I need to do something… I just don't know what…

"Guam? I mean of all the places…London…Paris… Madrid… and the best you can come up with is Guam?" I giggle, because I know he loves it and my heart rate comes to a halt when he starts to laugh. He releases the steering wheel and his arms are around my waist, pressing his forehead to mine.

"You know you're bat shit crazy Grey?" I wrap my arms around his neck, running my finger in the nape of his hair.

"Yeah… I know…tell me you will move in…agree…"

"Fine… but you're the one who is telling Kate."

"Deal... Tomorrow… I will tell her tomorrow at my parents… and Taylor will collect your things…" He leans in to kiss me and it takes every ounce of strength to turn my head away from him. The shock and hurt on his face is palpable as he exhales loudly. "What now Ana?"

"Well the sex as a weapon…"

"It's what I do… and you love it…"

"So you're saying what then?"

"That sex is the one weapon I have in my arsenal against you…and I intend to use it…" He takes my mouth by sheer force, prying my lips open, his tongue sieging mine. I am lost completely lost and I don't want to be found. His hands tight in my hips, his finger tip kneading me. My hormones were all over the place and all I wanted was a release.

"Baby are you bleeding yet?"

"Yes…unfortunately." I know I am a good five days away from the one thing I really need, Christian inside of me, filling me.

"Ana…you sweet clueless thing… I am going to fuck you senseless…Come on." My mouth drops; I mean yeah it's possible but ewww. Just ewww.

"Christian… I have my period…" That grin spread across his face again and I know I am in trouble.

"You really think that would stop me…"


	27. Chapter 27

Well the Jose/Ana kiss really pissed you guys off... but it got me thinking... so I started a what if world where Ana cheats on CG some of you love it others want to string me up... But I love how invested you guys are... even the haters...

Here goes another chapter of Fifty Ways... Enjoy it guys... and please review...

* * *

I am watching them together; they are at ease and full of light. I can't help but smile even though it goes against my grain. Ana is braiding Olivia's long hair, weaving in a pink satin ribbon; Mia is sitting on the floor flipping through a fashion magazine, showing Olivia all the pretty dresses. My three girls, my three reasons…

Olivia's laughter fills the room, as my parents happily look on. Elliott and Kate haven't arrived yet but their presence will complete the equation that has become the Grey family. My family.

The last few days with Ana have been unbearable, soul shaking and for lack of a better term fucked up. I have never loved another person they way I love her, I have never needed another person to love me back before Ana and to see her with another man gutted me. I have forgiven but I have not forgotten that feeling of dread when I saw her lips touch his. I don't think that will ever leave me and the desire in me to keep her close is overwhelming.

If I would have known I would have felt like this so quickly I don't know if I would have gone to the atrium that day. She has turned my whole world upside down, everything I thought I needed and wanted was wrong… The lack of control is really fucking with my head, the conflicting thoughts to dominate but keep her safe.

"Christian are you ok son?" My father stands beside me, watching me watching them.

"Yes, I am fine." I lie of course, because I can't tell my father that my girlfriend kissed another man and I wanted to beat her perfect ass for it. That I anger fucker her and then held her orgasm hostage. That it took seeing her kiss another woman for me to realize what a jerk I was being. My father already thinks I am an asshole; I don't need to give him any more proof of it.

"It's a pretty picture… the three of them…" He nods in their direction and smiles proudly. "Olivia has come so far already, Flynn said he is optimistic."

"She is a strong brave girl…"

"That she is… I like your Ana son… She is good for you… Don't fuck it up." It is not like my father to use profanity, and his use of the work fuck stuns me a bit. I turn to him with my mouth slightly a jar.

"I won't…"

"You say that now, but this girl is different…Just treat her right, none of your usual… tricks…" His words cut right through me and I feel like he knows, like somehow he knows the truth about me. I can't imagine how… Elena wouldn't offer up the info, a former sub maybe, after I witnessed Leila suicide I called my father for legal advice. He met me at the hotel. I lied and told him she was just a friend, but he knew better I guess. We managed to keep the story out of the press, a few large donations to the police force and a few called in favors did the trick. I guess after that Carrick did some digging.

"Dad I…" He put up his hands and lowered his head.

"Christian I don't need to know and I don't want to know…Just be good to Ana is all I am saying." He walks away leaving me a little unsettled and shell shocked. He walks over to the ladies, tells Olivia how wonderful she looks and then picks her up off the floor. She wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. Ana is right she is a little monkey. I never let him to that to me when I was a child let him lift me up and hold me. I can see what it has done for Olivia, she feels safe in his arms in the face of all that has been done to her, she feel safe. She endured more than I ever did and yet she is still trusting and brave. I sense that I will learn more from her then she will ever learn from me.

I watch Ana as she makes her way over to me, her eye fused with mine. She has a small smile on her face, since the kiss heard round the world I have fucked her senseless. In the club, in my bed, in my shower, in the tub, and once again in my closet watching her get ready for today. It's amazing she is even able to stand no less walk. What's even more amazing is that my cock is hard just watching her walk over to me. She wraps her long sinewy arms around my waist and rests her head on my chest. Normally a touch like this would cause me to cringe but with Ana I relax against her and run my hands up and down the length of her back.

"Hey you?" She looks up at me with her crystal blue eyes and all I see in them is love.

"Baby…" I bend my head down to kiss her and she meets me half way her lips brushing against mine. "You all ready for tomorrow?" Her brow furrows and her mouth crinkles and she shakes her head no.

"I mean, it's Peyton Forbes… I am going to be her assistant. It blows my mind to even think about it."

"Ana, you are going to be fine, you are more than qualified. You are smart and have a great instinct. Just let that guide you…It what has always worked for me…"

"Well if it works for a multi-billionaire…"

"You and that smart mouth Ana."

"I know, I know you are going to fuck it later. Promises, Promises Mr. Grey."

* * *

I am a nervous fucking wreck. Today is the first day of my career. I am going to meet Peyton Forbes. I change three times finally settling on a grey flannel pencil skirt and a deep royal blue silk button down shirt, a thin black patent leather belt and black suede round toed pumps. I pull my hair back into a sleek ponytail, smear on a bit of gloss and a swipe of mascara, I grab Kate's Michael Kors bag and I am ready to go. Christian is waiting for me in the kitchen, reading the business section of the paper and drinking his coffee, his half eaten omelet sitting before him. For a moment I feel like I am in the last scene of Working Girl… He is the Harrison Ford to my Melanie Griffith.

"Good morning Baby… you look great…" His eyes wander up and down my body and I can't help but blush.

"Ms. Steele, you do look amazing today. What would you like for breakfast this morning?" Gail sweet voice calms me down a bit. I really have no appetite but I know he wants me to eat.

"Um, tea and some toast I think…"

"I will have it ready for you in a minute… I also made you a sandwich and a salad for lunch…" I know it is her job, but I am still touched by her gesture. I can't remember my mother making lunch for me like ever. I am sure it happened early on, but at some point if I wanted lunch for school I had to make it myself.

"Thank you Gail." She waves her hand at me to say it was nothing and turns to get started on my toast. I sit next to Christian and his hand rests on my knee, like it is always supposed to be there. He tears his eyes away from his paper and kisses me gently. I need more, so I wrap my arms around his neck attack his mouth, lacing my tongue with his. I hear the paper hit the counter and Gail's soft chuckle as his arms pull me against his body, taking control of the kiss back. Everything goes hazy as I fall deep and deeper in love with his man. I pull at the hair at the nape of his neck and I can her him growl with pleasure as his pulls his mouth away from mine.

"Ana… don't start something we can't finish…" His coffee breath tickles my nose and I kiss the tip of his.

"Later…"

"Abso-fucking-lutely." He releases my and I sit up straight on the bar stool collecting myself. I quietly sip my tea, taking small bites of toast. Somehow Gail even makes that special.

We drive in silence, my nerves getting the better of me. Christian takes my hand in his, rubbing his thumb against my wrist. We pull up to the Grey House and I can feel the blood drain away from my face.

"Ana, I have known Peyton a long time. She is a fine woman. You are going to love her and she you."

The elevator ride is torture, and when I get off leaving Christian behind I feel like my strength is gone. He slaps me on the ass, causing me to yelp. I turn on my heel shooting daggers at him, as the elevator doors close. He is waving with a shit eating grin on his face. Asshole.

I make my way to her office, a smaller version of Christian's; she is sitting behind her desk taking on the phone. She sees me in the door way and motions for me to come in. She is everything I thought she would be, perfection. Her long natural golden blonde hair is flecked with soft silver grey; it is perfectly straight shimmering in the light. The soft camel cashmere sweater, the crisp white shirt, a triple strand of pearls and brown tweed pants add to the effect. The crowning glory is the thick tortoise shell cat eye glasses.

"Ok kiddo, my assistant is here so I will see you tonight for dinner… Love you too… Bye honey…"She hangs up the phone and turns her attention to me. "Sorry about that… my daughter…So you are the reason I am here." She looks at me with a keen eye and I feel sick to my stomach. Of course she knows I am dating Christian, she probably thinks I sleep my way into this job and she is right in a way I did.

"Ms. Forbes…" I manage to stammer out, my cheeks blazing.

"Call me Peyton…"

"Peyton… I assure you that I am very dedicated to this position but if you feel my relationship with Christian is a problem I would regretfully step aside." She leans back in her leather executive chair and removes her glasses. She is taking my weight and measure.

"The big boss wouldn't like that very much…"

"No, but he would have to learn to deal." She exhales loudly through her nose, puts her glasses back on and hold a sheet of paper up.

"Your resume is not all that impressive Ana, you only worked in publishing for what six months…"

"Yes ma'm…"

"For Jack Hyde… I knew him. I am surprised you lasted that long… He is a creepy son of a bitch. I suppose if you can deal with him you can deal with me." A wave of relief floods over me and I relax back into the chair. "Let me be clear about one thing Ana. I don't care who your boyfriend is… I don't need to be here, I am her because Christian asked me… and I was eager to start something new. You. Work. For. Me. Are we clear?"

"Very…"

"Good, now let's discuss one of the greatest questions in literary history… Are you Team Edward or Team Jacob?"


	28. Chapter 28

Ok, I will admit I was worried about her. Truth be told Peyton was not please with my girl friend being forced down her throat. I had to bend her arm a bit and she was not someone who liked bending, much like myself. I couldn't get any work done, my focus was on Ana and what was happening a few floors down. I wanted for as long as I could before I sent the email I didn't want her to think I was hovering (even though I was), I mean of course I was. I wanted for a good reason, lunch. She had to eat right, why not eat with me.

* * *

**From: Christian Grey**

**Subject: First Day…**

**Date: March 23 2013 11:33**

**To: Anastasia Steele**

Ana,

I have been thinking about you all morning and I wanted to see how your day is going. Are you free for lunch?

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

**From: Anastasia Steele**

**Subject: Lunch…**

**Date: March 23 2013 11:40**

**To: Christian Grey **

The day has gone better than I could have ever hoped, thank you so much for making this happen. Peyton is taking the department out for lunch today, sorry.

Dinner? Dessert?

Best

Ana Steele

Administrative Assistant to Peyton Forbes

Grey Publishing

Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

**From: Christian Grey**

**Subject: Dessert sounds promising**

**Date: March 23 2013 11:43**

**To: Anastasia Steele**

Dinner sounds good to me, I will collect you at six. And baby you are very, very welcome.

Christian Grey

Disappointed but supportive boyfriend

Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

**From: Anastasia Steele**

**Subject: Promising Indeed**

**Date: March 23 2013 11:45**

**To: Christian Grey **

I would prefer if I met you in the car, you understand, I want to draw as little attention to the fact that we fuck as possible.

I am so hungry… Can't wait to eat. I am thinking something hot and vanilla…

Best

Ana Steele

Craving something sweet

Grey Publishing

Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

**From: Christian Grey**

**Subject: Vanilla…**

**Date: March 23 2013 11:48**

**To: Anastasia Steele**

Ana,

You keep this up and I will come down there and everyone will know we are fucking, they will get a live show.

And yes, I will meet you in the car.

Christian Grey

Hard and hungry

Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

The first day went well, really really really well. After a confusing start I soon discovered that Peyton was just amazing. We talked for a good hour about the current landscape of publishing. She was Team Jacob, I was Team Edward. She told me how and why she sold her company that she had lost her passion and needed to reboot. She laid out her plans for Grey Publishing, finding small books and making them special and most of all read by the masses. She was an exceptional woman who wanted to do exceptional things and the best part was is that she wanted to teach me. She wanted to show me the ins and outs of publishing, which was something I never got from Jack. She asked me where I saw myself in five years, why I loved books, what my favorite book was. It was hands down the most intense and educative conversation I had ever had and we were only an hour in.

By the time the day came to a close I was floating on cloud nine, ecstatic. I was also eager to see my man and show him just how appreciative I was. If not for Christian none of this would have ever been possible. I would still be stuffing envelopes and stuck, just stuck. Waiting to see if Jack's blacklisting would have gone on forever, waiting for my live to begin.

I almost ran from the elevator to the front door, the sight of the limo a few feet away. I wanted to launch myself at him, kiss him, and feel his hands all over my body. I wanted him, all of him. I resisted all my urges and instincts and slowly made my way to the limo. I couldn't see him but I could feel him watching me and it gave me the most delicious tingle deep in my belly.

Taylor greeted me first in his usual stoic way; he nodded and smiled, saying my name as he opened the door. He was a tough nut to crack, but I was going to do it. Come hell or high water. There must be more to him if Gail was in love. She was not a woman who fell easily or for no reason.

With the door open I caught a glimpse of his long legs, just that alone and I could feel my knees tremble. With shaky legs I slid into the back seat and before I could fully get into the limo Christian had his arms around my waist pulling me onto his lap. I could feel his undeniable heat and his breath on my face.

"I have fucking missed you today." He growled as his mouth crashed into my mouth, consuming me. His swift and agile tongue taking mine over and all I could do is surrender. He was merciless, as I moaned against him. His sexy as all hell scruff of his unshaven face chafing my delicate skin, the wetness building inside of me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. I pressed my hands to his chest trying to get a little distance and air. He looked down on me, his eyes on fire and brought my fingers to his lips, kissing the tips of each one and then sucking my middle fingers, sending a shiver though me.

"Hey baby…" I chuckled, he said it so simply like he didn't just assult my mouth.

"Hey yourself."

"Good day?"

"The best…" He smiled proudly and give me a squeeze.

"Good, I want to hear all about it at dinner but first we have an appointment today with Dr. Flynn, I figured we could do dinner afterwards." Shit! Dr. Flynn, I had forgotten. I groaned like a child, no wanting to go.

"Do we have to? It has been such a great day." I was pleading and pouting. But then his words rang in my head.

…_Ana, you are fifty shades of clueless…_

"Yes we do. I think it is important and deep down I think you do too." I slid off his lap onto the cold leather seat not wanting to ruin the day with a fight I would lose in the end.

"Fine."

"Good…and stop pouting…Taylor."

"Yes Sir. Dr. Flynn's office.

* * *

I had to admit I was fucking nervous; I was basically giving Ana full access to all my shades of crazy. I ignored the small voice in my head telling me she would run and to hold on to what I knew to be true. The fact that Ana loved me, and while I wasn't sure why she did, I was sure of her love and that was enough. She looked more nervous than I did as we walked into his building. I rested my hand at the small of her back, giving her a much needed reassuring push.

"Christian, hello. Good to see you. And Ana, I presume. Lovely to meet you as well." Ana smiled and nodded as she shook his hand and I could feel her relax against me. He was his usual polite self as he gestured for us to sit on the small leather sofa opposite his chair.

"Hello John. How is Rhian doing?"

"As well as expected considering she is fifteen months preggers. She hates me right now." We laughed, and Ana chuckled.

"Your wife is having a baby?"

"Yes, Ana. Our third and from what my wife tell me our last offspring. This one has been hard on her, this one is four days late. But enough about me, why don't you tell me why you are both here today?"

"Well, Ana and I have some issues to work through and I though considering my history here would be the best place to do it."

"Issues? I don't know if I would call them "issues" Christian."

"Well what would you consider them Ana?" She furrows her brow at his question and begins to knot her finger in her lap. She is nervous which will only bring out her taciturn nature. Like with everything else I know Ana needs a push.

"Ana…he asked you a question." My comment flared her anger, mission accomplished. Sometimes she was just too easy to enrage, like now for example she hated that I treated her like a child. But she is also acting like a child so what other choice did I have.

"Yes I am aware Christian. Well I guess I would call them growing pains…"

"Growing pains interesting choice of words Ana." John sits back in his seat and jots down a few notes before returning his attention back to Ana.

"How so?"

"Well growing pains are symptomatic to children are they not? You and Christian both are stunted in your emotional growth. So growing pains seem to be a fitting term…"

"I wouldn't say I am stunted." Her eyes grow wide and I think in this moment she is realizing she is stunted, as am I. She is biting her lip but somehow in this context it is not having its usual affect in me. She looks scared and that is making me uncomfortable, I shift in the seat and cross my legs trying to ease this tension I am feeling. Maybe this was a bad idea. I mean Ana was a normal well-adjusted woman before she met me, only she wasn't. John leans forward in his seat, his voice is very soft unlike anything I have heard from him before.

"Christian told me that you were a virgin when you met him."

"Well yes."

"Why do you think that is Ana?"

"Well, I just never really, you know wanted to before… I mean I wanted to…I just had other priorities in my life…"

He jots a few notes down and I can see Ana is trying to read what he is writing upside down. I have tried myself over the years but he uses a short hand that I believe is known only to him and maybe his assistant.

"He also told me that you were essentially a care taker to your mother, was that the other priority you were speaking about?" Ana swallowed hard and nodded her head once. Her eyes turned to me, and I could tell she was not only hurt by how much I had divulged but shocked.

"She was the child and you were the parent. So you didn't have a normal adolescence."

"You told him all of that, really Christian? Did he tell you I am a cheater too?" I cringed at the word and rested my hand on her knee which did nothing to calm her down.

"He did say that you kissed another man. Ana, you are not here to be attacked. Christian expressed a desire to be with you which as his therapist stunned and excited me. Christian may I speak freely with you permission."

"Yes John of course you can, that is why we are here."

"Christian has been my patient for many years, I am sure you are away of his… well… proclivities and his past?"

"Yes, I have been somewhat acquainted with his proclivities but his past and I have yet to meet." I could see the blood rush to her cheeks as she twirled the ends of her hair around her fingers.

"Well you are the first woman he has ever wanted in a normal, rational non-contractual way. It was a breakthrough that I didn't see for years to come so for that I am thrilled that you are here. But I also question your ability to handle this kind of a relationship. I understand you were sexually assaulted recently and that mixed with your limited experience with men and your lapse of judgment in regards to the kiss…I worry you could set him back instead of moving him forward."

"Look Dr. Flynn. I am not perfect ok; I make mistakes and bad decisions. The truth is I was a virgin because I never wanted anyone until I met Christian, ever. And maybe that has to do with the fact my mother wanted every man she saw, and I know you will have a field fucking day with that.

Neither of us has ever been in a relationship before so there are all these… landmines I guess we keep walking right over them. But the one thing I know to be true is that there is no one else on the planet I would walk over a land mine for."

"So then tell me why you kissed him baby… I just don't understand."

"Either do I. Tell me why you won't tell me about your past or why you wouldn't let me touch you when we first got together… Tell me why you are so afraid to love Olivia and why you need to control me at every turn." It was like a combination punch to my face and gut, each one of her questions knocking the wind out of me. I looked to John for some help but I sat there impassive. There was this horrible silence until John finally spoke again.  
"She is asking you very valid and necessary questions Christian and you can't answer hers, just like she can't answer yours. That's not to say you won't be able to one day just not today." No, fuck this. I needed to know the truth. I heard all her excuses but I needed to know the reason, the real reason she could tell me she loved me, only me and then a few hours later be sucking face with another man and until I really understood why I could never really let it go.

"When I was a child…my birth mother well she was a crack head. She neglected me and allowed me to be abused. That is why I couldn't let you touch me at first but then you gave yourself to me so completely I felt like I had no choice but to do the same. You pushed past your fear so I pushed passed mine. I am not afraid to love Olivia; I am afraid by how much you love her and maybe even how much she loves you. I feel the need to control you because you are mine Ana and I want to keep you safe, I want you to be happy but I also need to protect you the way I was not protected. And my past is a dark place full of nameless faceless women, fifteen contracts, and since meeting you I wish I could take it all back. But I can't. So tell me why you kissed him." She sat there a moment absorbing all of my words; John was in shock quietly sitting there taking it all in.

"I told you already because…"

"No Ana that was the stem but not the root… why?" She rubbed her forehead with the palm of her hand and exhaled loudly. I could feel all my muscles tense up as if they were waiting for impact.

"I needed to know… If what I felt for you was real I guess… If I could feel that way kissing another man. Jose has loved me for years and I lied to myself and said we were just friends, that I wasn't attracted to him that I didn't feel that way. I think I did. I was just too scared and silly and… "stunted" to admit it… So I let him kiss me and I kissed him back and it was nice, but it wasn't you. It will never be anyone else but you. But I am worried that one day you will open your eyes and realize I am not enough. I can't imagine why you want me…"

"Ana." I think my hearts begins to break at her question because for the first time in my life I feel pain there, a dull aching pain and it takes me buy complete surprise.

"Christian allow me. Ana, what you are saying indicates self-loathing, and frankly I am surprised to hear you indicate such a thing. You are a young, smart, beautiful woman. I really think you would benefit from a few private sessions Ana, considering what happened to you in New York."

"I agree Ana, it would be good for you."

"Can I think about it?"

"Yes of course. Now Christian you said something that is really sticking in my claw… About Olivia… Why are you afraid of Olivia and Ana's relationship?" Fuck, I knew he was going to bring that part up. He never left a stone unturned.

"John that is something I think we should discuss privately. Ana I hope you understand." She looked at me blankly and nodded once, I could tell she was shutting down this whole experience over whelming her. I could see the tears break the corners of her eyes as he small body trembles beside mine.

"Ana…Are you ok?"

"Yes… I just think I realized right here right now…do you believe in fate Dr. Flynn?"

"Yes Ana I do…"

"I never did, I always thought things were random but they're not, everything happens for a reason. I know now that the reason for my life is you Christian and the reason for your life is me. That is why we are here right…Not here in this room but here to love and be loved and to fight, to cry and to laugh, to fuck… this is what life is. I never wanted a life until I met you and I don't think you really wanted on until you met me."

"No baby I didn't…"

"So, yes… I will come back to see Flynn alone and we will come back together and get unstunted or whatever…Ok…"

* * *

We left Dr. Flynn's office and I was a pile of mush, what had started out as a great day was spiraling downwards. I just wanted to go home and slide into bed, tomorrow was day two and I needed my strength and energy. We walked out of the building and Christian put his arm around me and somehow that made me feel better.

"Look, I know that wasn't easy, but I am proud of you. I am proud of us. We are going to figure out how to make this work ok Ana."

"I know, I know we will. That is the one thing I am sure about." We stood before the limo, Taylor standing there with the door open. Christian kissed my forehead and smiled.

"Good…get in. He slid in behind me, quickly pulling my body up onto his lap. I needed his touch, his reassurance. We pulled out into Seattle traffic as Christian's hands traveled down my body, cupping my ass. "Taylor… the club."

"The club?"

"Yeah, The Mile High Club, I own it I figured we could have dinner there."

"I am not really hungry and I am exhausted, can't we just go home to Escala."

"While it pleases me greatly that you referred to Escala as home, you need to eat Ana."

"Ok if you're sure but you should know…" I brought my lips right against his ear not wanting Taylor to hear. "I am not wearing any underwear." I could feel and hear his sharp intake of breath as his hand traveled up the length of my thigh, making the climb to my apex. Shock spread across his face when instead of the usual lace of my panties he felt the soft down of my pubic hair.

"Ana…" His voice was low and husky as he slipped a finger inside of me. Stunned my eyes went to Taylor, whose eyes were focused on his driving. I looked back to Christian quietly pleading and his slipped in a second finger and pumped the furiously inside of me.

"You wanted to play baby, this is what you get." He flicked over my nub with his thumb and I gasped. "Be quiet or I won't let you come."

I nodded that was all I was able to do as I felt the hardness of his erection pushing into my backside and his finger fucked me. He kissed me gently and started asking me about my day.

"So Peyton and you got along?" As he spoke he twisted his fingers so he was pressing against my front wall, I nearly jumped off his lap as my teeth clamped down on my lower lip.

"Errr, yeah she was really good. Really good." He chuckled and the taking me by complete shock he slipped in a third finger, the pain missed with the pleasure and I stared to shake.

"And did you like the new offices?"

"Yeah, they were… big…and uh…nice… very big and nice…" I clenched around his, my nails digging into his forearm. I wanted to scream out; it was torture trying to be still and quiet.

"Hush now…" He started to pull his fingers away from me, but I tighten ever muscle I had to hold him there.

"Taylor, Ana looks tired and I think it has been a long day… right baby?" I nodded yes. "I think Escala is the best bet, we can order dinner." I started to relax, thinking he would wait until we were home to make me come. Wrong. He thrust his fingers back inside of me, his thumb pressing and rubbing my clit over and over. I felt it start in my belly, the quiver of my orgasm. I slipped off my hells, giving my toes the ability to curl. It radiated out exploding through my body. I pressed my lips into a hard line trying to stifle the sound. His fingers still thrashing inside of me as the second wave hit as his cock was pulsating underneath me. I rubbed my ass against him, his own breath hitched. We pulled into the parking garage as he pulled his fingers out of me, a smirk on his face as he sucks them clean. My eyes dart to Taylor who is half way out of his seat to open my door. He is acting like he normally does so I can only hope he was clueless as to what was happening, but somehow I doubt it.

"You are such as asshole Grey."

"That may be true but you love it."


	29. Chapter 29

hello all! Sorry for the delay in posting an update... writers block... so please enjoy and review...

XOXO PPP

* * *

"Ana baby are you ready yet." I was losing my patience, I mean how long does it take for a woman to get ready for Christ's sake.

"Just five more minutes Grey!" Kate bellowed down the stairs in her usually annoying voice. I sat on the bar stool exasperated, Gail let out a small laugh as she wiped down the marble counters for the night.

"It will be worth the wait Mr. Grey, trust me." She folded the dish towel into a perfect square, resting it on the back counter as Taylor walked in. They made eye contact, and I tell you I could feel the heat between them. I almost felt bad about making Taylor come with us tonight; they could have had the whole place to themselves.

What the fuck am I thinking! Taylor works for me, it is his _job_ to drive me places. Ana is creeping into my fucking head. In the month we have been together, I am saying and doing things I never in a million years thought I would do. She took me to the fucking farmers market…and the zoo with Olivia, and the mall with Olivia… the planetarium with Olivia, which was actually pretty fucking cool. We had a "date night" with Elliott and Kate and went to a movie because Ryan fucking Gosling was in it…My playroom is a pale memory covered in dust… and the best/worst part is that I have never been happier, more at peace. The nightmares were still there but waking up with Ana beside me and I am able to keep my shit together.

I know I should just relax and enjoy this feeling of happiness but I can't. I always feel like something is going to come along and take it all away. So while I am happier then I have ever been I am also more cautious, more controlled, more careful (if that is even possible) because now I have something to lose.

"Sir, the car is ready and Prescott and Sawyer are in place." Taylor was such a still man, he barely moved. He would stand there with a keen eye, watching and taking everything in. He words were always measured and planned. He never showed anger or emotion, unless it came to Gail and even that was in small glints in his eyes.

"Good, now if Ana would get her ASS down HERE!" It was bad enough we were going to a wedding (my own personal nightmare), but we were going to Ros's wedding, my second in command which meant for the next three weeks I would be at the helm without her. Of course I could do it, but she made it substantially easier. I would be chained to my office, which would mean less time with Ana and I didn't like that one fucking bit.

"God, Chris you are so impatient." She appeared in the kitchen and I swear to god my heart stopped in my chest. She was stunning, I was fucking stunned. The dress was irrelevant, it was a deep dark midnight blue, but the way it clung to Ana lithe body, how it draped over one shoulder and then exposed the soft hollow of her throat, the gentle slope of her shoulder. Her breasts, Jesus Mary and Joseph her breasts were set off by her small waist. The dress clung to them, just showing the hint of her hard nipple and I knew there was no bra beneath, the back of the dress complexly bare, the fabric draping low. Her hair was pulled back simply in a bun that was braided first, I smiled because I knew that was Ana's idea, knowing I would like to undo it later. It was the makeup that struck me; Kate had made Ana even more perfect. Her skin like fine porcelain, her blue eyes were somehow bluer almost violet. Her lips shiny and full, I wanted to bite them to see if they tasted as sweet as they looked.

"Ana… baby… You look…" I inhaled and exhaled deeply trying to form the word that would encompass how divine she looked but nothing came to mind.

"She looks HOT Grey!" Leave it to Kate to spoil yet another moment. I looked at her impassively and then raised my eyebrows letting her know that it was time to leave. She and Ana embraced while Ana thanked her profusely. Kate looked over Ana's shoulder at me, and then just to piss me off she grabbed Ana's ass. I could feel my blood start to boil and my cock harden. Ana jumped and started to laugh nervously at Kate's inappropriate touch, finally looking back at me with a worried expression on her face.

"Kate…"

"What… I couldn't resist… You are just too easy to piss of Grey…"

"Kate, if you can't keep your hands to yourself then you can't expect me to keep MY hands to myself."

"Are you threating to spank me again?" She puts her hands on her hips when she is trying to be a powerhouse, a meager attempt to show me who is boss. I chuckle at the thought; Kate would make quite the Dominant with the right training.

"It is not a threat Miss Kavanagh. It is a cold hard fact." I can see Ana's cheeks start to redden, embarrassed and aroused I think. Kate's eyes narrow and she glares at me through her lashes, until she finally gives up the game knowing she has over played her hand.

"Well on that note I am going to head out Ana… You look amazing… thanks for letting me play dress up."

"Good night Kate and thank you for well… everything." Kate finally leaves and I can feel myself relax.

"Gail, Taylor can you give Ana and I a moment alone." Gail gives Ana's shoulder a squeeze as she passes telling her how stunning she looks and when we are finally alone I can't hold back another second. I pull her into my arms, holding her body tight against mine. She feels so soft and small there, but she fits with me perfectly, like my body was made to hold her. She lets out a small gasp before I kiss her, my mouth needed hers. She tastes like toothpaste and vanilla and a hit of my favorite flavor… Ana.

"Christian…" She pulled her mouth and body away from mine, breathless. "If you don't stop we will never get out of here.

"Fine by me baby…"

* * *

I have her in my arms, dancing to the music. Ana's lithe body is moving in perfect tandem with my own, her ebb to my flow to the beat of the music. We have had our fill of champagne and laughter, a light and wonderful evening. It was the first time I had come to an event like this with a date, a girlfriend no less. I never realized how nice it was to introduce the person you love to someone you know. To declare that I love this woman and she loves me simply by saying… this is my girlfriend Ana…

The music changes and Ana wraps her arms around my neck, the look in her eye unmistakable and she grinds her core into mine. I tighten my grasp around her waist and run my fingers down the smooth bare skin of her back. I am trying to think of a way to make her come right here on the dance floor surrounded by friends and colleagues but all of them seem too risky except for one. I lean my head down and gently kiss the tender flesh where her neck meets her shoulder, grazing her collar bone with my teeth. I feel her body tighten and hear her gasp. I pulled her too me, her body flat against mine and sway back and forth, side to side in beet with the music.

"Ana…" My lips just a breath away from her ear I begin fucking her with my words. "You look like a goddess tonight, a perfect creature." I lick the edge of her ear lobe with the tip of my tongue and pull on her diamond drop earring with my teeth. "Baby you taste so good… so sweet. Close your eyes baby…That's a good girl, relax and listen. Later on tonight I am going to take you home and fuck you. I am going to take your hair out of its bun so the braid tickles your back. Your dress, I am going to tear off your body, I will fucking shred it to pieces so I can see you, all of you." I can feel her chest heaving against me, she likes it rough now I have shown her the way and she knows what I can do to her.

"I will lay you back on the bed, and slowly strip off your panties spreading your legs far and wide. I want you to touch yourself baby, your sweet delicate fingers I want to watch them weave in and out of you. How wet are you Ana…"

"Very wet…" Her voice is hoarse and breathy; I have her right where I want her.

"Very wet?"

"Very wet sir…" She pushes her body into mine, looking for some friction. I push my knee between her legs and can feel the heat radiating off of her pussy as she slowly rubs against me.

"I am watching you touch yourself as I strip out of my tux, your eyes never leave mine until I am standing before you completely naked and then you can't keep your eyes off my cock. I love that you know, when my cock has distracted you beyond reason."

"It's a very big cock…"

"Yeah baby it is… do you want my tongue inside you or my cock…How do you want to come?"

The dance floor is filling up once again as a silly Justin Timberlake song begins and I ease us into the middle, where we won't been seen by the people sitting at their table with nothing to do but watch the dancers.

"Choose baby…"

"I choose cock…" A small smile breaks the corners of my mouth and my cock twitches at the thought. I love when my girl talks dirty.

"And how will my cock fuck you… slow and deep or fast and hard?"

"I think your cock and fuck me any way he likes." She takes a fist full of my tux jacket bracing for imaginary impact.

"I lift your legs off the bed, and pull you towards me. You know I have to taste you baby…I fall to my knees and before you can move or breathe my tongue is rolling over your clit, and fuck you taste good. I start to suck, over and over pulling your hard clit into my mouth. I slide my fingers into you… over and over, that spot I know make you crazy…I hook my finger just a little bit and I catch it each time." She is grinding down harder on to my thigh and I know she is close as her lips press together in a hard line.

"Christian…"

"I can feel you clench around me baby… and you are so wet and so sweet… come for me Ana…" A low deep moan escapes her mouth and her whole body tightens and shudders before it slacks against mine. My balls are on fucking fire as my eyes dart around the room looking for the exit.

"Baby… follow me." With her legs like jelly I lead her through the ballroom and down a long hall way to the ladies room. It smelled like roses and was covered in pink and white stripped wall paper. It was the least sexy bathroom I had ever been in. There is an attendant there, an older black woman who smiles when we walk into together. She stood up from her tufted stool and took a set of keys out of her pocket, placing them down on the counter top.

"I think this bathroom is going to be put of service for the next ten minutes…" Her old shaky voice is dripping with innuendo and a hit of a southern drawl. I raised my eyebrows as Ana chuckled into my shoulder. The old woman smirked and shook her head. "Twenty minutes… ok now… lucky little girl…" She smiled and patted my on the arm before closing the door behind us. I grabbed the keys and locked the door, throwing them back on the counter top. Ana was already hiking her dress up around her damp thighs and I lifted her on to the sink. She grabbed at my belt and zipper and broke my cock out of its prison, stroking it over and over. I slid my fingers under the waist band of her panties, I wanted to rip them off but I knew she would want them back on after we were finished. In one thrust I was inside of her, Ana's legs wrapped around my waist. She screamed out as I pushed into her over and over, she was so fucking tight still not accustomed to my length and girth. I filled her completely and was rewarded by every muscle she possessed squeezing and pulsing around me. I could feel the buildup begin in my balls, a growing tightness and then Ana came and I quickly followed, balls deep inside her. I felt like I came forever, my seed being pulled out of my body. I loved this women… god help me. I slacked against her, arms braced against the mirror. She was flushed and sweaty, just how I liked her best. I licked the small bead of sweat off the top of her lip and fisted her finger in my hair pulling me in for a long wet kiss. Her mouth taking control of mine and I allowed her to do it. I was still inside when I felt myself begin to harden again.

"Mr. Grey are you in there." Taylor was yelling through the door, and he banged. Ana and I both jumped at the sound and quickly scrambled ourselves back to a fully clothed state. I opened the door, and from the look on Taylor's face I knew something was very wrong.

"Sir, we need to get you and Miss Steele out of her immediately."

"What happened?"

"Jack Hyde, broke into Escala tonight…Gail was hurt…" The anguish in his voice cut me like a knife. NO not Gail, my mind racing with everything that may have happened to her. I could hear Ana gasp behind me. Taylor was a moment away from having a meltdown. How he was even intact I had no idea.

"IS she in the hospital?"

"No she is still at Escala…"

"Jason Go… Just go…Ana and I will be fine…"

"Sir with all due respect… we should all go… now…Prescott and Sawyer are at the exit…" Loyal to a fault. Ana grabbed my hand and we followed Taylor through the hot crowded kitchen to the back exit. He drove like a manic with Prescott and Sawyer following behind. Ana was crying silent tears and I could not imagine how I was going to make this ok.

When we finally got to the apartment, Taylor ran to Gail's open arms, scooping her up against his chest. Her cheek was bruised and her clothing torn as she cried into his shoulder. Ryan was sitting on the floor, his head cracked open pressing a kitchen town to stop the bleeding. The kitchen looked like a crime scene, a small pool of blood and a knife on the floor. Broken glass and china everywhere. In the distance I could hear the sirens.

"What happened baby…" Taylor's voice was so low I barely heard him.

"Jason… it was so quick… I heard a struggle and then I saw Ryan on the floor bleeding…This man…lunged at me, slapped me and I tried to get away…He said it was payback… and it was just the beginning… he was trying to…" Gail's voice broke and she started to sob. I wrapped my arm around Ana's shoulder and pulled her close. Her body shaking against mine. I couldn't see his face but I could read Taylors body, and I remember he and I watching the video of Hyde and Ana.

"Baby he didn't…"

"No…no… we struggled and I grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the thigh… He ran off after that… and I called you…" She devolved into a mess after that, crying into his shoulder. He looked back at me with fire in his eyes and I nodded, there would be a reckoning of that I was sure.


	30. Chapter 30

This was all my fault. If not for me Hyde would have never done this. My eyes dart around the battlefield that is the kitchen. My heart dies a bot because I would never see it the same way again. I used to see the kitchen counter and remember the many nights Christian couldn't wait to get to the bedroom and he would hoist me up and fuck me silly. But now all I see his Gail and Hyde struggling, I could almost hear her cries and his horrid words echoing though the space. It sent a chill through my entire body, leaving me hollow.

Everything was broken and bloody, poor sweet Gail was hysterical. Her usual perfection marred by Hyde and sadly I knew exactly what she was feeling, those moments in the hotel room playing over and over in my mind. Only I didn't have Taylor or Christian to comfort me. I was all alone.

Face bruised, dress torn, shaking and afraid. The look of pity from the desk clerk as I checked out, the kindness of the flight attendant who brought me tissues as I cried until we were flying of Ohio. Her name was Simone. I will never forget her for as long as I live.

The cops show up and ask Gail a million questions, and then it is my turn as I explain in detail what happened to me in New York. Christian told me to keep quiet about the video; he didn't want it getting into the wrong hands. That was my nightmare come to life. Christian and Taylor filled them in about the day Hyde was fired and all of the reasons why. It was a never ending night of digging up a past I was trying so hard to forget.

Gail refused to go to the hospital, all she wanted was a hot shower and to fall into bed with Taylor. I knew exactly how she felt.

I could see how torn Taylor was, he wanted to be with Gail but he also wanted to be in his control room with his team hatching a plan to get to Hyde before he could do anymore damage. Gail said this was only the beginning. It was only when Christian took him quietly aside that I saw his shoulders relax slightly. I couldn't hear what they were saying, their angry voices were hushed but I knew down to the tips of my toes this was the start of something.

Christian walks over to me and looks like his has aged ten years in an hour. It is possible that we were just dancing in the grand ballroom and now we are here? He rests his hands on my bare shoulders, the heat of his palms warming me.

"Ana, I have a lot to deal with tonight. Why don't you go get some rest baby? It has been a very long day." I was exhausted, mentally and physically spent but I didn't want to be alone, but I also didn't want to be any more of a burden. I bit my lower lip trying to stifle the tears that had wanted to fall for hours. I nodded once and turned to walk away. The moment my back was turned the flood gates opened, I silently sobbed my way through the apartment until I felt Christian's strong arms around my shoulders pulling me backwards towards his body.

"Shhh, baby it's going to be alright. We are going to find this fucker. I promise you. Please don't cry. I hate it when you cry." He spun my body around and crushed me against his chest; I grabbed the lapels of his tuxedo jacket and nuzzled my face into the crook of his arm.

"This is all my fault…"

"Baby, no it is not. This is Hyde's fault. Look at me." He lifts my chin to meet his gaze. "What happened tonight and what happened in New York was not your fault. You have to understand this, okay. This was not your fault."

"He told Gail that this is only the beginning, what about your family or mine?"

"I have it under control Ana, we are going to increase security for everyone in our inner circle and at the office. He won't get two hundred yards of anyone we care about. I promise you that. Baby I don't want to leave you but I have so much to manage right now…"

"I know I understand. I am fine really…" I wiggle out of his grasp and try to straighten my shoulders, and puff out my chest but I am not buying it so I know he isn't either.

"Ana, do you want to come to the control room with me, you can stretch out on the couch there."

"Yes, please. I just can't be alone right now."

"Okay baby let's go get you changed." He grabs my hand weaving his fingers with mine leading me to the bedroom.

"Miss Steele, dressing and undressing you is becoming quite the fetish... Turn around." I chuckled as I turned, feeling his warm fingers train down my back, slowly releasing me from the dress. I stood almost naked before him and he smiled as he looked my body over. He started to undress, removing his jacket and tie and then his white shirt.

"Here, put this on." He handed it to me; it was still warm from his body and smelled deliciously of him. I slipped it around my body and immediately felt safer; as usual Christian knew what I needed.

"You look mighty fine in my shirt Miss. Steele." He walked over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of grey yoga pants and a pair of warm cashmere socks in the same color. I slipped them on and watched him change into loose well washed jeans that hung off his hips and a white cable knit sweater. "The men are waiting, I sent Taylor to tend to Gail. It's going to be a long night...uh…day…"

The sun was coming up over the quiet city, and sleep was nowhere in sight for Christian or his team. I feared that none of us would rest soundly until Hyde where behind bars where he belonged.

* * *

Ana slept restlessly on the sofa, her body covered with a warm wool blanket. Ryan had returned from the hospital with ten stitches and refused to rest, he was angry with himself for letting Hyde get the best of him. Welsh, Sawyer and I were watching the tapes over and over again trying to figure out how he got in. It was a cluster-fuck and we couldn't figure it out, I was getting Leila flashbacks. I still had no idea how she got into my office at GEH. My body shuddered thinking back to that morning I walked into my office, only to fine it torn to shreds.

"He didn't just appear by fucking magic! Again Welsh!" I wanted to rip someone's head off, this was totally unacceptable. I pay all of these highly trained men to prevent these kinds of things from happening and that smug fucker got into my apartment. My sanctuary in the sky no longer felt safe.

"That's him right there." Ana pushes passed Sawyer, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and reaches over Welsh grabbing the mouse from his hand and rewound the footage. "See the blonde in the dress? That's Hyde."

"Ana are you sure?" I squinted trying to see what she saw.

"Positive, he has a swagger I would recognize him anywhere. Can you zoom in Mr. Welch?"

"Yes of course." He zoomed the camera in and sharpened the image. And fuck me, Ana was right. We all looked at one another feeling slightly foolish that we didn't see it an hour before.

"Fast forward the footage, I bet we will see the same woman leaving with a limp." Ana leaned her body against my chair and I wrapped my arm around her waist pulling her on to my lap. She was right once again Hyde appeared again gimping through the lobby.

"Sir, give me a few moments and I can hack into traffic cams, maybe we can see what car Hyde got into. Miss Steele you have a great eye. I have some other footage I would…"

"Welch…No." Stupid fucker there was no way I wanted Ana to even know about Leila.

"Sir…I just…"

"NO!"

"Christian I don't mind, if he thinks I could be helpful…"

"Ana… No, end of conversation. Hack the fucking cameras Welch." He opened his mouth to speak again and with one look at cut him to pieces as he turned his attention back to the computer. After a few tense moments, Welch reminded me why he was on my payroll because not only did we have the make and model of Hyde's rental car we had the plate number and the GPS tracker.

"Sawyer go get Taylor, he is going to want to be in on this."

"I'll go… I don't think Gail will want to be alone." Ana eased her way off my lap. She said a small low goodbye and slipped out of the room. I was relieved that she was gone, what we were about to plan was not for her ears or eyes. Taylor appears in the doorway a few moments later, and his face says it all. His usual stoic nature has vanished and he stands before me a changed man. He is angry, not only at Hyde but at himself and every member of his team. His rage will fuel us all as the men stand a bit taller in his presence.

"Show me what you got…"

* * *

The car was a dead end, it was found an hour outside of the city, the driver's side was stained with blood and a blond wig in the backseat. The idea that he was out there thinking he had gotten the best of me, the best of us is making me crazy. I can feel my fifty shades rearing their ugly head.

All I can think about is Ana and what all of this is going to do to her, she is already blaming herself. I can feel her shame and torment, it is a tangible force around her and I feel like I can't break in.

"Sir, may I have a moment?" Taylor walks into my office looking as solemn as I have ever seen him.

"Of course, have a seat. Do you want a drink?" I point to my near empty glass of scotch and he nods yes. I pour us both a glass and there are a few silent moments as we try and drink this horrible day away.

"He got in through the service entrance, I am not quite sure how he did it though. That passage was re-enforced after the Leila incident. I don't think it is safe for us to stay here sir. God only knows how long he had to scope the place. Welsh is sweeping for bugs and cameras but I still would feel more comfortable if we changed locations."

"I agree, I think Gail would be more comfortable as well. I know Ana would. I will call a realtor tomorrow about a rental."

"Actually I was thinking your parents. It would be easier if everyone was contained in one location."

"Fine I will speak to Grace in the morning. How is Gail?"

"Shaken, she and Ana are still asleep. I have Sawyer at their door. Ryan offered his resignation, but I refused him. If anyone should quit it should be me."

"I will hear none of that Taylor. It happened, it should not have happened but it did and I am certain that it won't happen again."

"No Sir, it will not."

* * *

Ana is crying, that is the sound the fuels me though the apartment trying to find her. There are drops of blood on the floor like bread crumbs leaving me to what used to be the sub room. I hear her cry out in pain and I start to run, panic filling my body and soul. She is begging, pleading for her life, telling him to calm down and to relax. I hear the slap of flesh against flesh and glass breaking. When I finally get to the door Ana is being pulled by her hair out off the floor by Hyde's bloody hand. The rage consumes me as I charge at them, but he is quick and wrapped his fore arm around her throat holding a gun to her temple. Tears are streaming from Ana's eyes and she looks lost and broken, full of fear.

"Hyde…Let her go…Baby it going to be alright." I hear the click of the trigger bringing my attention back to Jack's cold vacant stare. I switch tactics and use what has always worked for me in the past. Dominate Christian. "Put the gun down now Hyde." He snickers and I can see his fingertip flex over the trigger, bile rises in my throat when I feel the power shift over to his side.

"Fuck you Grey, who is in control now…" He tightens is grip around her throat and I can she is struggling for breath. I resist my body's instinct to lunge; it would take only a fraction of a moment for him to pull that trigger. There is this moment of calm, our breathing is all matched and even. Ana looks at me her bright blue eyes look peaceful, as if she has accepted her fate. She mouths that she loves me

"You need to change Christian…" Hyde pulls the trigger and the last thing I see is Ana my sweet Ana…

* * *

"NOOOOOOO! ANA!" I jump up out of bed just missing a wayward elbow as Christian is thrashing beside me, screaming out my name. I am not sure what to do; he is in a violent rage as the screaming intensifies. I try to wake him, grabbing at his shoulders but he somehow throws me to the ground. My butt hits the floor just as Taylor and Sawyer break through the door trying to subdue him. Taylor finally runs to the bathroom and returns with a glass of ice cold water throwing it in Christian's face. Thankfully that seems to do the trick, as he slowly comes out of his nightmare.

Sawyer reaches down and pulls me off the floor, my knees shaking. I have been beside Christian when he is having a bad dream but I have never seen him like this and for the first time I am truly afraid.

I can hear his labored breathing, he head in his hands, fingers knotted in his wet unruly mass of copper colored hair. He is muttering something that I can't make out and finally he looks up locking his eyes with mine and I see his tears.

"Taylor, Sawyer… I think he is fine now could you please leave us alone." They nod and shuffle out; Taylor looks back at me quickly just to make sure I am okay. I manage a small smile and he closes the bedroom door behind him. Before I can turn back around Christian arms are around my waist, his lips on the back of my neck.

"Thank god you are ok…I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you Ana. I can't imagine my world without you beside me." I can feel his hot tears fall on to my bare shoulder. I want to turn around and hold him, but I know he needs me not to see him like this more then he needs my comfort. "I can lose another person I love… I just can't"

He sounds like a lost child, all his bravado and control is gone. I soothe him the same way I would Olivia. I tell him over and over that I will never leave him, that I love him, and that everything is going to be okay. I say his name like a Gothic chant _Christian…Christian… Christian…_ I make a solemn vow to love him and keep him forever, that nothing will come between us, I hope that my whispered words get through to him and he starts to believe. I hope that the seed is planted and he realizes I am real, that he is real and together everything will be okay.

I can feel his breathing return to normal and his tight grip around my body loosens enough for me to turn and face him. I am not prepared for what I see. He has been stripped bare; there is not façade, no mask, no money, no power, no control. He is just a man, a broken, tormented man and he has never looked more sad, or pure, or beautiful or true. A chill runs through me, my skin puckers with gooseflesh and I swoon just a little bit, because I feel in this moment our souls have joined, they have wrapped their tiny tendrils around each other, grasping for security and comfort. My soul is no longer mine, and his soul is no longer his, they are simply ours.

"Ana…" My name carries through the long exhale his breath not his voice, his body tightens against mine, his arms holding me up as my knees go weak. "Marry me?"

My breath catches in my throat, the tears in my eyes blinding me from the beauty that is this man, my future husband.

"Yes…Yes…Yes…" His mouth crashes against mine and I feel him pull me back towards the bed. It all becomes a blur as we pull off one another clothing, I am vaguely aware that the bed beneath me is cold and wet and before that fully registers I feel Christian everywhere. His hands, his breath his mouth roam my body, caressing and sucking, his teething nipping at my nipple, my belly, hipbone. His hands crushing my breasts together, massaging them as they swell under his expert hands. The want grows, it starts in my heart and radiates out to my naughtier bits, a pulsing throbbing hum that I have only and will only feel for him, for the rest of our lives.

His mouth is finally where we both need it to be, his earlier promise kept.

"I need to taste you baby, I need you to come around my mouth." His words are like a hot searing poker, this intense charge surges though me. His fingers massage me as his tongue tortures me; I am chanting his name again only this time it is a tribal call and I am surprised that Taylor and Sawyer don't bound through the door again trying to save me. The second wave of pleasure is stronger than the first, and I am a quivering mess. I couldn't form a word if I tried. Before I recover, Christian, spread my legs wide and covers my body with his own. He surges in to me and I feel every fraction of him, over and over he pounds into me. We come together, loudly without care or thought of who can hear. I can feel his orgasm filling me, marking me and I have never been more his then I am at this very moment. His words are where I begin and end.

"Ana, you are all I will ever want, all that I will ever need. You have saved me and made me. You are mine, always and forever mine."

_Always and forever…mine…_


	31. Chapter 31

Song Inspiration: Try, Pink

* * *

Hello All! Its been a while since I have posted for this story so here is a super sized chapter! I hope you enjoy it. I am not going to lie there is some drama but it plays a part in the larger story!

I also wanted to thank all of my followers. This is far and away my most follwed story and i just wanted to tell you all how grateful i am for each and every reader and review... So with that i wanted to share the wealth and give a shout out to a story that i fell in love with and has gotten very little traffic. It is called Fifty Shades of Being engaged by fiftyshadesfreak. It is a canon story filling the blanks between the engagement and the wedding. It is a lovely story and it reminded me why I love FSOG so much so please give it a look see follow and review and tell fiftyshadesfreak to keep going!

Ok... enjoy guys and please review! XOXO PPP

* * *

We have been at my parents house in Bellevue for a week, a very very long week. It's large house but it is also a full house, a very very full house. All the bedrooms are occupied, like Wall Street. The breakfast bar in the morning is like a Mess hall, I have waiting for a bathroom on more then one occasion and there are seven in total. And the real mind-fuck of it all is that we are all under one roof at my command and megalomaniac instance. My parents, Olivia and their staff. Ana and me, and my staff of Gail, Taylor, Ryan and Sawyer. I pulled older brother rank and made Mia move back in, her safety was always at the top of my list She is so small and trusting and eager, why I didn't have a security detail on her this whole time baffles me. I put Ryan on the case, much to his displeasure. Mia can be a lot to take. Elliott quickly jumped on the bandwagon, never one to miss out on the fun and of course he brought Kate along for the ride. He was right being a friend of Ana's put her at risk too, but having a reporter living in my family home was not ideal. She balked about signing and NDA, but Ana convinced her it was for the best. Ana was a snake charmer and Katherine Kavanaugh was the snake. If I didn't know any better I would think Kate had more then platonic feels where Ana was concerned.

The house was full of noise, laughter, tears, arguments. No one could agree on what to eat or what to watch. It was like someone lets all the animals loose at the zoo, and honestly every seemed to be having a great time, with the exception of Taylor and I. WE liked our quiet, scheduled routine. Bellevue had turned into a sleep away camp, or what I assumed camp would be like, Camp Fiftyshadeawanka.

Ana had been acting strangely the last few days, she and Grace often found taking in hushed tones, deep in conversation. I know Ana felt guilty about everything that had happened to Gail despite everyone telling her not to, even Gail herself. Ana was always so contained, so in her own head you never really know what she is thinking for feeling. I have tried to get her to talk but she just keeps distracting me we sex, not that I am complaining but since we have moved in here Ana has been horny as all hell. She has fucked my brains out all over this crowded house. Mom and Dad almost caught us early one morning in the sauna and the worst part was I think she and dad had the same idea.

Ana has seen Flynn twice this week, so I am hoping that he is able to get into that pretty little head and make some sense of how she is feeling. She has not been sleeping and eats only at my instance. I literally send her lunch to her desk at work everyday and Sawyer reports back how much she has eaten. Ana has been having intense dreams, maybe even nightmares. She talks in her sleep saying no over and over again. I have been able to snap her out of them without waking her, and she seems to have no memory of them come morning, which is a relief.

This morning the house was full of activity, Kate had an interview with the mayor and was making everyone crazy. Elliott left early some construction emergency, so we all had to deal with her, the bastard. Dad had to be in court, mom was giving a lecture even though she cut her hours back she was still teaching. Ana was reading a manuscript and was about to present to Peyton for the first time, she was a nervous fucking wreck even after two rounds of kinky shower fuckery. Mia woke up late as usual, out too late the night before and came flying down the stairs looking like the wreck of the Hespus. At least that was entertaining. Olivia was the only sane one in the bunch, sitting on the counter eating her fruit loops, singing a song that only she knew the words to. Gail would be with her today, they were making cupcakes for dinner tonight. I'll admit I was happy when I heard they were making chocolate cupcakes, my favorite.

By the time Taylor and I left for the office both of our nerves were fried. I slammed the front door behind me, the cackling of Kate and Mia finally being stifled. Taylor exhaled loudly the moment his ass hit the seat and he put the car in drive.

"Sir?"

"Yes Taylor?"

"I think you might want to call that realtor."

"You think? This was your grand idea not mine."

"Yes sir, I am aware. But it was your idea to invite the entire Grey clan…"

"Fair point well made, I will make a few calls today." He nods and pulls out of the circular drive way. I was grateful when he cranked up the Puccini and took the long way to the office. I knew I hired him for a reason.

I spent the day swamped, I had taken several days off after the Hyde mess and was still catching up, with Ros on her honeymoon everything differed to me. She had offered to stay but I couldn't allow that. Hyde was still and enigma and all of our leads were cold and dead but I still felt him in my bones lurking. Gail was still a nervous wreck, her bumps and bruises had faded but the memory of what happened and even worse what could have happened was still very much a open wound, for us all.

I had two deals in the pipeline and one just starting and they still caused me less stress then breakfast. I also had to buy a house quickly, very very quickly. I made a call to my real estate guy and in a flash of inspiration I told him I want to buy a house cash by the end of business today. It needed to be move in ready and waterfront. I also called my interior designer to come and look at the places with me, to get the ball on furniture rolling. By noon he had five places to show me and I was out the door ready to buy.

My day ran late, between buying the last house I was shown and closing both of the pipeline deals from the back of my SUV I was spent. By the time I got home the sun was just setting.

I made my way though the house and it was oddly quiet. I wander around for a moment and finally find Ana and Olivia curled up on the sofa reading a book, one of my favorites The Giving Tree. I leaned in the door way as I watched and listened to Ana helping Olivia read, sounding out the words slowly and repeating them until Olivia understood why the same letters sounded differently.

"Ana please, just read me the story…" Olivia nuzzled into the crook of Ana's arm, her eyes breaking with frustrated tears. Ana ran her hand over her small delicate head, twirling the ends of her long brown curls soothing her.

"Olivia, you won't learn if you don't try."

"Please Ana, we can try more tomorrow. Just read to me…my mommy used to read to me sometimes…please Ana." Her voice was full of an aching pain and I understood why Ana gave in, it was heartbreaking. Her voice was low and melodic, the words falling gently out of her mouth. I myself felt like I was in a trace just hearing them.

"Come boy." She whispered "Come and play"

"I am too old and sad to play." said the boy. "I want a boat that will take me far away from here. Can you give me a boat?"

"Cut down my trunk and make a boat." said the tree. "Then you can sail away… and be happy."

And so the boy cut down the trunk and made a boat and sailed away. And the tree was happy…but not really.

I watched while Ana read the book once and then again. Until Olivia was yawning and then sleeping in the early evening dusk. The light trapped them both and they glowed like two perfect angels and I felt my heart grow just from being in their presence. If I could always love them and keep them safe I would have been a successful man with a life worth living. All the bad I had seen and done will have meant something because it gave me the power to shelter these two souls from the storm.

"Christian. You're home late…" I hear my mother voice behind me and Ana looks up smiling as her eyes find mine. Olivia's eyes open at the sound of my name and when she sees me any thoughts of sleep are gone as she leaps off the sofa and bounds into my direction, yelling my name. Her excitement is as if she has not seen me for weeks instead of hours and I admit it's a nice welcome. True to her nickname she climbs up my body, she is a little heavier then when she first came here and I am grateful for that fact. The idea that she spent a moment hungry or is pain in like a burning hot poker driving into my chest, painful.

I can't stomach the idea of having children of my own. The never ending shit and piss, the crying, the constant need that a child has for it parents, the thought revolts me. I like my freedom, I like to fuck where ever and when ever I want, I like my silence and my control. Children and control don't mix. Toss in my hatred from my mother, the fact that my heart is as black as tar and my inability to love any part of myself and it is easy to see why I should never be a father.

"Hello mother." She kisses me on the cheek lightly and pats my shoulder and then kisses Olivia on her cheek as well. "I had a meeting run over. I couldn't wait to get out of there."

"Well you are home now, we made you a plate. Just stick it in the microwave, unless you and Ana are heading out tonight like everyone else."

"Where is everyone?" I am asking my mom or Ana but it is Olivia that answers.

"Well, Elliott and Katie are on a grown-up date to the movies so I couldn't go, Mia-Mia is out with a friend. Mr. Cary is in his study working on a case… I don't know what a case is but he said it is very important… Mrs. Jones is in bed, she was not feeling so well, Luke is in the room with all the TVs…Ana is on the couch and Grace is behind you." She is very proud as she rattles off the names and locations of everyone in the house, she would make a great Welsh someday. "I don't know where Taylor is but he is bringing Sophie over tomorrow for the whole weekend! We are going to see a movie, and Elliott and Katie can't come!" Her eyes light up at the sound of her friends name, I have never seen Olivia more contented then when Sophie is around.

"Come on Olivia, time for a bath." Grace sweetly sings out taking Olivia out of my arms.

"Night Ana, Night Christian." We both say our goodbyes and Ana finally stands and wraps her arms around my neck pulling me close.

"Hey baby…"

"Hey yourself. Rough day?"

"You could say that, but every day is a rough day. How about you? Peyton treating you right?"

"Peyton is the best, like ever… if I was not in love with you I would so be in love with her."

"Excuse me?"

"She is like a female version of you… Strong, capable, commanding…"

"Do I have something to be worried about baby… First kissing Kate, now crushing on Peyton?" She giggles and then presses her warm soft lips to mine, pulling away quickly. I tighten my arms around her narrow waist, pressing my cock against her belly. I have yet to show Ana the boat house, a perfect place for a little alone time.

"For the record, Kate kissed me both times… and no you have nothing to be worried about Mr. Grey. You are most certainly stuck with the likes of little old me… In fact your mother and I were talking about the wedding at dinner tonight…"

"Good, and what did you decide?" The news of our engagement spread like wildfire, Mom, Mia and Kate squealing with delight.

"Well… I would like to have the wedding here… and Grace agreed. We were thinking December…" I frown because December is months away.

"No that is too far away… I was thinking June…" Her eyes spring up in shock and then horror, making my blood run cold. She has doubts.

"Christian is April for crying out loud…"

"Yes I am aware… but I don't want to wait…"

"Well I think we should… I mean we have been together for weeks… I don't want to rush into anything."

'What does that mean… Do you plan on changing your mind?"

"No of course not, I just think there is no rush we have all the time in the world."

"Well I want you to me my wife, if it were up to me we would be married tomorrow…"

"Well its not just up to you… I want my family there and my friends, and I want to wear a white dress and hold a bouquet…"

"And that you shall have Ana… in June…"

"June is too soon…" She pushes herself out of my arms and takes two very large steps away from me. "You can't bully me into a wedding date, you can't command it. I am not ready to be a wife yet… I was just barely your girlfriend… now I am just barely you fiancée. I need time…"

"Time for what? You either love me or you don't. You either want to be my wife or you don't."

"I do! Just not in June… You read the papers Christian, they are already shaping me as a gold-digger, can you imagine what they will say if we get married so quickly?"

"I don't give a fuck what the papers say. I only care what you say." I am trying to control my temper and tone but I know I am failing miserably. "We are getting married in June or not at all." Did those fucking words just come out of my stupid mouth. From the look on Ana's face I know that they did. Fuck my life!

"If that's how you feel, and you are making me choose than I choose not at all." She yanks her ring off her finger and looks at it for a moment before throwing it at me. I catch it as it bounces of my chest, stunned that she chose the latter and took her ring off with such ease. "You are a fucking arse Christian Grey! To think you could order me about and make me do something I am not ready to do!"

"I am ARSE!?" I can barely contain the laughter in my voice and the grin on my face.

"Yes an arse… an amadan…an asshole…take your pick!" She is yelling loudly and waving her hands about like a mad woman.

"For fucks sake Ana, put your ring back on."

"No!"

"Ana, baby… come on… put on the ring." I extend it to her in my open palm but she just shakes her head no and crosses her arms across her chest. "Look I'm sorry okay, June is too soon but December is to far… I want to be your husband, I want you to be my wife. I want to start the next part of our lives together."

"My life started when I met you Christian…there is no need to rush…" I reach out to touch her still holding the ring in my hand. "No, don't… I need to process…I am going to have a sleep over with Olivia tonight I think. She has been asking…" Well fuck… How did this happen, just a few minutes ago we are talking about our wedding and now I will be sleeping alone. Oh that's right because I am an arse. I close my hand around her ring and fist it into the pocket of my suit pants.

"Process all you want." I turn on my heel and storm off into the kitchen. I grab a bottle of wine from the fridge and slam the door leaving the rattle of jars in my wake. I fling open the cabinet and grab a glass filling it nearly to the top and drinking it quickly. Ana is so fucking stubborn, what does it matter if we get married in June, why wait. I mean if she doesn't want to marry me then why say yes in the first place, why wear my ring. I just want a small shred of control back, I don't think I am asking to much. I want Ana to have my name, so everyone will know and understand that she is mine and only mine. Why cant she see how important this is to me, to us.

"Evening son…" Dad comes in behind me and points to the bottle of wine. "You sharing?"

"Of course." I pour him a glass and he sits down at the breakfast bar quietly taking a sip. I can feel his judgment, and I know he overheard out fight.

"I thought you were a smart man Christian but that was the dumbest thing I have ever heard."

"Jesus Dad…"

"You made a huge mess for no reason, that girl loves you more then life. She is young, much younger then you and scared because forever is a very very long time. You have known her a minute in the scheme of things, you are not an easy man by any stretch."

"I know… trust me I know…I fucked up."

"Yes, yes you did. You weren't a patient boy and god knows you are not a patient man but there are a few things worth waiting for and Ana is one of them."

* * *

I slept alone and I fucking hated every minute of it. Just knowing that Ana was a few doors away made me crazy. I was worried that she was dreaming and I was not there to wake her from her dreams. I was worried that I just bought a huge house that I would be living in alone. I was worried that she wouldn't forgive my stupidity, I was worried that she wouldn't put her ring back on. Suddenly December didn't seem so far away after all. Fuck my life.

I got out of bed at five like usual and met Taylor at the front door for our Saturday morning run. I needed to clear my head and get my shit together. We ran in tandem for nearly two hours, Taylor was always able to keep up, Sawyer not so much. After forty minutes he needed a break. Light weight. My new house has a jogging trail that loops around the property, it's potentially a security nightmare but Taylor said that he and Welch would work it out.

We both amble into the kitchen sweaty and exhausted, in dire need of hydration and stumble in on Ana and Gail, still in the morning robes sitting together drinking tea. They have red rimmed eyes and puffy faces, its obvious they have both been crying. They look nervous and we have obviously intruded on something. Taylor and I look at each other for a sign on what to do next. I am in the dog house so like a fool I stand there sipping my water while Taylor makes his way to Gail's side and gently strokes her back. She leans against him and I can seem them relax in tandem. They have such an easy relationship, I have never heard a harsh word pass between them, they communicate without sound, just a passing look is all they need. What are the chances they would find one another while working for a sadistic billionaire. I guess the same as finding your true love on a grainy black and white monitor.

"Chris, can I talk to you for a minute please, outside…" I heart drops to my belly for a moment and I follow Ana out to the covered veranda. She called me Chris which is usually a good sign. " Look I had some time to think about marriage and everything. I talked to Gail and Grace and they gave me some perspective…I am sorry how I reacted yesterday… I just… don't want to be my mom you know… she would jump into these relationships and say I do, quicker then you can say divorce decree."

"You are nothing like your mother…"

"How do you know… you've never met her…or my father for that matter…"

"True but from what you have told me I am certain that you are nothing like your mother but you're right I should meet them both and soon… Have you even told them about the engagement?" She shakes her head no and it wounds me. I have brought her into my family, but I know nothing about hers. "Ana… You are the love of my life, my soul mate, my other half. We are going to be married until death do us part. So please don't worry about the end when we are still at the beginning." I rest my hands on her shoulders and slowly press my thumbs into the back of her neck easing the tension that has taken hold. She closes her eyes and lets out a small moan and my cock twitches.

"So June 15th is a Saturday…"

"Yes…"

"So… June… Okay…"

"Really baby?"

"Yes really! Can I have my ring back now?" She smiles broadly, her blue eyes shining with love for me and I am humbled. This perfect creature loves me and I will spend my life trying to deserve it. I pull on the ring which has not left my pinky finger, it sticks a little but finally relents and it slide it back where is belongs. I sweep her up into my arms, her feet leaving the ground. If it was up to me they would never touch the ground again.

"Mr. Grey would you like some breakfast?" Gail asks sweetly as we make our way back into the kitchen. "I was thinking Pancakes and bacon, how does that sound?"

"Perfect, thank you Gail." She takes off her robe, revealing her blue and white striped pajamas and places it over the stool, tying her apron around her waist. Its strange seeing her like this, she feels more human and more of a friend. "And Gail please call me Christian." Her eyes go wide and she smiles.

"Gail let me help, I have been dying to see how you make your pancakes."

"Sure thing Ana, here put this on." She hands Ana an apron and she follows suit, draping her robe over the stool. Something hits the floor and I bend down to pick it up but Ana quickly intercepts and shoves it into her pocket but its too late I see what she is hiding. A pregnancy test. It all makes sense. The loss of appetite, the sleepless nights, the crying.

"Ana what the fuck was that?" All the blood drains from her face and she shoots Gail a nervous look.

"It's nothing Christian."

"It most certainly was something. Give it to me Ana. Now."

"Now is not the time or the place."

"Is this why you agreed to marry me! Is it! Trying to trap me…"

"Mr. Grey… Christian…"

"No Gail… No! Let him say his peace…"

"Damn right I will say my peace. What did I tell you Ana from the very beginning, the very first time… I was clear that children were nowhere in my near or distant future. Did I or did I not?"

"Oh you did… I remember very clearly!"

"And when I asked you to see Dr. Green you insisted that your pills were fine, and you liked your doctor… even though I wanted you to go on the shot! Because I understood when you said it was your body and you didn't want to change what was working!" Then the worst thought floods my mind and I cant contain it. "Did you do this on purpose? You did didn't you?" Ana looks at me with such anger and disappointment in her eyes that I don't even notice when she takes a step towards me and rear up her hand. It is only when it makes sharp contact with my face and the pain radiates across my jaw that I realize what is happening.

"You have said a lot of crazy, mean, hurtful, stupid things to me but that is without a doubt the icing on the cake Christian. To accuse me of trying to trap you! News flash you were the one pushing ME to get married!"

"Yeah exactly and you were the one dragging her heels! Now all of a sudden you pull a 180! You can't keep it Ana!" She gasps loudly, her hand covering her mouth, horror spreading across her face.

"Mr. Grey!" He takes a step in front of me, blocking Ana from my view.

"Stay out of this Taylor!" I shove him out of the way, but he recovers quickly and is right back where he started.

"Sir I think it's best you don't say another word." I can see his fists clenched and his jaw is tight, Taylor and I are about to come to blows and I realize where his loyalties lie… With Ana.

"Or what?"

"Christian! The test is not Ana's! It mine!" Gail shouts out her voice edged in frantic energy. Taylor's head spins around and we both sat what at the same time. Gail is crying a mix of happy and sad tears. "We are going to have a baby Jason… I didn't think it was possible but it is…"

In two long strides Gail is wrapped up in his arms and they are kissing. If it weren't for the anger radiating off Ana this would be a wonderful moment. She storms out of the room and says nothing.

"Gail, Taylor… I am so sorry. I…just…"

"With all do respect Sir… I don't want to hear it… I have worked for you eight years now… Eight long hard years… And in that time I have wanted to kick your ass on a daily basis. Today was the closest I ever got! How dare you speak to her like that. If she was my daughter I would take you out back and shoot you like the rabid dog that you are. What if she would have been pregnant? Is that the memory you want your future wife to have?" I run my fingers through my hair and sit at the bar defeated.

"No… no it's not. I panicked… I… can't be a father." I mutter that over and over, angry and confused and hating myself more and more with each passing second.

"Taylor…" Ana's small voice fills the space and when I look up she is dressed and holding a suitcase. "Can you please take me to my apartment?"

"Of course."

"NO! Ana no, don't be stupid. Hyde is still…"

"Hyde will what HURT me? For someone so concerned with my feelings and well being you certainly have a funny way of showing it! You know I was fine before I met you. Safe and happy and content. I didn't cry all the time. I didn't have a mad man after me… I was just living my life… I love you… so much… but I can't do this. I can't keep allowing you to destroy me and then put me back together… Taylor please I need to leave." For the second time I watch Ana slide her ring off her finger, this time she places it on the breakfast bar and I fear that she won't put it on ever again. Its tainted now.

"Gail, Taylor give us a moment please."

"No Sir."

"Excuse me?" The control is seeping out of me into the ether and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

"If Ana wants to leave then she should be able to leave. I will have Sawyer watch her apartment and install some security measures until we can find a safer option." I can't even process what he is saying, everything feels hazy and unreal. This pain in my chest is growing, taking over my body. Ana is silently crying, her lips are moving but I can't really make out what she is saying but I see Taylor and Gail leave the room.

"Ana, please don't leave… I am begging you. I fucked up… again…Please…" I fall to my knees, my head down, hands on my thighs. I can't think I can't speak all I can do is feel. Every bad memory rushes back to me at once, the floodgates of my brain open wide. My mother, her hair, the smell of crack cooking on an old piece of foil. The burning pain of a cigarette burning my flesh, his hand covering my mouth stifling my cries. The crack of the whip against my thighs and Elena's voice in my hear telling me that love is for fools and pain is the only thing that is real. Leila in a bloody heap on the floor. Ana and Jose kissing in the streetlight, the video of her getting assaulted by Hyde. The file about Olivia's past. It all plays over and over in my head until I have no choice but to turn it off and go numb and then I feel nothing.

* * *

"Christain! Look at me!" He is frozen on the floor, no movement, no sound. I kneel down in from of him and I can see tears falling down his cheeks only then does my panic set in. I have ever seen him cry before, he is too strong for tears and then it hits me. He is in a sub position. I rest my hands on either side of his face and pull his head up. His eyes are still closed and he is unresponsive. I say his name over and over trying to break him out of this trauma induced trance. Finally I press my lips to his and wrap my arms around his neck crawling up on to his lap. For a few moments he is still like stone, no reaction no response. His lips are the first things that show signs of life, as they slowing begin to move with mine. He slides his hands from under my body and wraps them around my hips pulling me closer. It is only in that moment do I feel my Christian coming back to me. His warm wet mouth taking over my own, his tongue possessing me. I am hurt, sad, angry, confused. I want to run away, far and fast but then again not really. I want to own this man, I want him to own me. I want to understand why he does what he does. Why he says what he says. I want to feel as close and to human beings can. I knew he didn't want children, he was very clear about that and right now I don't want them either. Maybe five or ten years from now we will both feel differently. We have so much growing up to do, so much to work through and learn from. Not wanting children is one thing reacting how he did is something else all together. He was enraged and it scared me.

"Ana, you're here?" He pulls away and we are both breathless, our chests' heaving for air. His fingers are knotted in my hair and his face in in my neck. His hot breath tickling my collarbone with every word. "Please forgive me baby, please. I don't know why I am like this… I mean I know why… I just can't stop myself."

"I know… I know…" I am trying to soothe him, but I need some soothing myself. "I don't know how to help you, I don't know how to fix this Christian."

"I know… its not your job to fix me… I pay Flynn more then enough to tackle the job…It's just so much has changed…If anything ever happened to you I don't know what I would do. I live in constant fear… Everything good dies… I can't do it again…"

"Do what again?"

"Watch someone die and be powerless." Oh Christian, my beautiful fucked up mess.

"I am not going to die!" I need to make him believe and understand. I am not going to die. "Look at me!" He pulls his head up and locks his eyes with mine. "You need to stop pushing me away at every turn. I love you, I am not going to die. And I don't want to leave you Christian but I can't keep up with this trials… You have to stop pushing me away and pulling me back. I can't do this. I can't have these extreme highs and these unbearable lows. I want you, all of you… The mess, and the past and the scars… I want it all, but you have to let me keep it. You give it to me and then you snatch it away…"

"I know. I just… I don't know why I keep doing it. I don't know why I cant just let you love me Ana. Why can't I just let this happen naturally… Why I can't want you but not consume you. I don't know. But I can't change either. I can modify and adjust, I can attempt compromise but change… I never will… I need to dominate, I need control and…" My heart dies a bit because I know where this is headed.

"And you haven't had that since you've been with me… I am not enough…"

"You are enough baby, I am just too much…The problem is with me not you… I am the one who is fifty shades of fucked up…"

"And I am the one who is fifty shades of clueless. So where does that leave us?"

"I love you. I. Love. You. I will do what ever it takes to make you happy, to make us whole but you have to understand that I will fuck up. I am going to say mean things, and yell and scream and maybe thrown things. I am going to hurt you, even if I don't want to. Even if causing you a moments pain in abhorrent to me. Because I will always need to test you, to push you… because I will never deserve you Ana. Never. I will always try to fuck this up."

"No, I don't believe that. I won't believe that! You are a man of control and what happened here today was a man devoid of all control. That was not you. That was a stranger and someone you are never going to show me again. Promise me… I know that if you make me a promise you will never break it. Promise me Christian that you will never treat me like that again and I promise you that I will never leave. That I will love you with every breath in my body. That I will want you and only you…I will trust you with my heart and my body…If you need the red room, then we will need the red room. Promise me Christian."

"I promise." And with those two words everything changed.


	32. Chapter 32

When I was a boy, a small boy I was often left alone to my own devices. My mother was either on the street corner looking for her next buck, or in her room with the door closed earning her next buck. We didn't have a TV and the radio was in her bedroom, usually turned up loud to block out the moans. The crack whore always loved Fleetwood Mac Rumors; I can't even here a chord of _Go Your Own Way_ to this very day.

I used to play this game where I would line up all my toys on our window sill. I had my matchbox cars, my G.I. Joe and Leonardo my prized Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. I would line them up perfectly straight, the breeze blowing in to our small apartment, a mix of fumes from the passing busses, cigarettes from the old men playing cards on the sidewalk and the yeasty aroma from the pizza place down the street.

The game was simple and the rule was singular. Stand still. I would stand there, as still as possible for as long as I could; sometimes on one foot, or after spinning around over and over. If I would move, even just a little bit I would push my toys just a bit closer to the edge. This game could last for minutes or hours depending on my will and attention span. They would often fall three stories down and I would run down the stairs to retrieve them, now more battered and often more broken than before.

It was always Leonardo that I pushed first and farthest, maybe because he meant the most to me. It was the only toy I remember that was new and where I got to tear open the plastic package. Everything else came second hand, used and abused. But Leonardo was fresh and new, all of his cracks were mine.

I keep pushing Ana from the window, over and over frantically running down the staircase to retrieve her. Today was the closest I had come to losing her, really losing her but I couldn't stop myself. The idea, the unimaginable idea of a child, my child is just too much. But I made Ana a promise and I intend to keep it, I can do this. I can be the man she wants and needs me to be. I can stand still forever if I have to.

Right now she is in my arms, curled up in my lap on the floor of my parent's kitchen. Her bag is packed sitting beside us and I feel the weight of it on my heart because I know despite my apology and promise she is still going to leave. I crossed a line today and I will have to earn my way back. She is a better person then I. When she crossed the line with Jose my goal was to punish her, to make her feel how I felt helpless. She will leave but her goal is to protect herself. The idea she needs protection from me makes my stomach turn. My goal in life is to keep Ana safe.

With one hand I push us both off the floor, Ana wrapping her arms tightly around my neck, her lips brushing against the base of my throat. I gather my arms under her rear and slide them behind her knees, holding her against my body and carry her through the French doors out to the yard. The air is cool and fresh and clean, the grass is still wet with the morning dew as I forgo the meandering stone path and make a straight line to the boat house.

I need to have Ana alone, I need to feel her under my body and remind her that I am here and we are real. I need to show her who I really am and what I want to be.

I practically kick the door open; the air in the boathouse is dry and stale, the sunlight peaking through the shuttered windows. I was seven when we first moved here from Detroit and this boathouse was my safe place where I could come and be left alone. Under the third floor board to from the left you will find my Leonardo laid to rest along with a few other relics from my childhood. I don't know why I keep them but I just like knowing that they are there.

"Christian… I am still leaving… I can't stay here. We need…" I silence her with a soft kiss, her lips so soft and they fit perfectly against mine. Like her lower lip was molded in her DNA to fit between the bow of my own. She moans against my chin and I rub my nose against hers.

"I know, Ana. I fucked up. You can't go back to your apartment though. I will have Taylor find you a hotel close by… but you're here now. I promise I will fix this." I take her hand in mine and kiss the finger where our engagement right once lived. It's still sitting on the cold marble in the kitchen. "We will begin again… here…"

"No past mistakes?"

"None…"

"But we can keep all the good things?"

"Every single one."

"I like this Chris…" I wince at my nickname, the first lie I ever told her. I shake my head as she chuckles and kisses me on the corner of my mouth. "You scared me today…"

"I scared myself today Ana. The thought of you leaving, I can't take that." I sit down on the bed, Ana still in my arms; I can't let her go, not yet.

"What did you mean everyone dies? I know your mother died but who else?" I close my eyes and like a movie I see Leila… You need to change Christian…the gun… the smell of gun powder in the air. The look on my father's face when he found me sitting on the ground outside of the hotel room. Shame, all I feel is shame and regret. "Christian… Christian…Where did you go just now?" Her voice call me out of my waking dream and I focus on Ana, my port in the storm.

"Do you think when people die violently or even quietly by their own that they ever find peace? I don't believe in god and all of that, I never could. I believe in things you see and hold and know. But I wonder if you're a tortured soul on earth, if you're a tortured soul after earth…I wonder… I had sub…Her name was Leila, and she loved me, she wanted more from me then I was willing to give. In her last moments, I was the person she reached out to, the person who she thought could help her. But I couldn't and when she died my face was the last thing she saw and my voice was the last thing she heard. Fuck her last words were about me. I mean can you imagine, in the midst of her pain, she was tell me to live a better life. I think my denial set her on a path and I wonder about the other fourteen, if I put them on a similar path, or maybe they were already on it and maybe I am too… And what keeps me up at night, is something you said to me a while back. I told you that I was on a dark path, and you looked at me with teary blue eyes and innocence and hope and love and you said that's the path I am on and that that path you will follow. You deserve another path Ana." She deserves a path with a normal sane man, who will love her and give her children, a man who won't want to possess her and deep down control her in every way. A man that won't crave her pain and her submission.

"Christian, you know I don't know anything about love or relationships that I haven't learned from you. I can't speak to Leila, or the fourteen others, I can't erase those memories. But I think you loved them, maybe you weren't aware of it, or capable of dealing with it. But the reason they wanted more, the reason they fell in love with you is because you are an amazing, amazing man. Are you fucked up? Yes…" She starts to giggle through the tears in her eyes and has never looked more beautiful or more mine. "You are totally fucking crazy Christian but in that there is this amazing beauty, this light that comes from your darkness. That's why she came to you, because you wouldn't judge her. She felt safe with you. I feel safe with you and maybe you didn't treat them the way they deserved to be treated and yes that makes you a huge asshole but baby - when you know better you do better."

"I only knew better when I met you. It was like I saw you on a video camera and my heart started to beat. In that moment everything became clear, you know I felt alive and I hadn't even met you yet."

"I didn't know that."

"There is so much you don't know, but I want to tell you."

"I love you Christian. I love you more than life. I love you."

"I love you too Ana… always and forever mine…I don't deserve you, I don't think I ever will but I am selfish and I need you. I want you. Will you marry me Ana, when we are ready will you spend the rest of your life with me?" Her bottom lip quivers, as she takes my hands in hers, kissing the finger that will one day bear my wedding ring.

"Yes Christian, of course yes..." I press me lips to hers, and feel like I can breathe for the first time all day. I could kiss this woman for infinity, and be contented. I feel her hands at my waist pulling and tugging on my sweatshirt. She eases off my lap and I am finally able to let her go, but only because I know in a few short moments I will be home inside of her. I stand beside her and we slowly begin to undress, our eyes never parting. Every woman is perfect and every woman is flawed, over the years I have seen woman's bodies from every angle and vantage point but there is something transcendent about Ana's form. Yes, she is perfect, not a flaw to be seen by the naked eye but perfection aside I see her and the light the streams out of each and every pore and that's all I really see. The need to fuck her comes from that, I want to absorb her light and love and that is the best way I know how.

I grab her by the waist and pull her towards me, I need this so much, my cock is not even hard yet because right now the erection is living in my mind. Her breasts fit perfectly in my palms, as I massage them until they are heavy and the nipples hard. Ana head hands back slightly and I press my lips to the hollow of her throat, working my way down until the tight bud of her nipple tickles the roof of my mouth. I know I can make her come like this, the perfect blend pressure, suction and anticipation but today I need her to come with me, for me, around me. She fists her fingers in my hair, and pulls my lips to hers; she dominates this kiss sucking on my tongue, biting my lower lip. I like the domination and my cock likes it too. She reaches down and gently strokes my cock that is now as full attention. I groan, all my control gone. My fingers find her seam and weave in and out of her, my thumb flicking her taught clit as she bucks against my fingers, muttering my name. I can feel her start to crest and fall off the edge.

"Ana, baby… Lay down on the bed…I need to be inside of you." She steps back and slides up on the bed, her legs open lazily in wait for me. I just stand there, still so still for a moment and take her in. God I am a lucky man. I ease my body over hers; my cock is heavy and aching.

I have never made love until Ana and even when I fuck her I do it with love. But today, here in this place, that was once my place and is now our place I will make to love her and she to me.

I ease inside of her, Ana's hips rising to meet me, a tandem moan escaping our lips, like a quenching thirst for each other. The feel of Ana around me is so pure and perfect that I can bear to move; I just want this to last forever.

"Christian please…" I love it when she begs for me, when her need is so great that her body can't wait another second. I start a slow rhythm, not filling her to the end, leaving that for later. Every motion and stroke is deliberate and hits its target with precision. I know her body as well as my piano, every nerve is a white key, every hidden place is a black one. Ana is my Concerto no. 1 and I am Tchaikovsky.

Time slips away, and we ebb and flow as one. The sweat slick on our bodies, her moans etching their way into my soul, Ana's nails digging into my ass as I pound into her hitting her where life begins. She screams out and everything stills inside of her and then the fall begins. Biting on her lower lip her walls devour me, pulling me to the edge of this dream. I come, deep inside of her, and explosion breaking free of my own body. I feel it run through me like an electrical current, heat and pain, pleasure and release. It is fucking insane and intense, for a moment I forget who I am and lose all rational control, her name emanates from deep inside my chest and comes out as a roar.

I fall against her not an ounce of energy left, she is panting in my ear, still quivering around me. And then I hear it, applause and whistles, laughter and cheers coming from outside. Ana's eyes go wide and her mouth drops open

"Wooohhh Hoooo Little bro! Get her done!" Ana bursts out laughing, shaking beneath me.

"FUCK OFF ELLIOTT!"


	33. Chapter 33 - Stop Taylor Time

Inspiration Song: Me and Mrs. Jones, Billy Paul

* * *

Hello All-

So I just wanted to give a huge shout out of love to all my followers... I just hit 1000+ on this story and 300,000 views and I admit I squealed with joy... so that happened. Thank you so much for your support of this story. This is far and away the most popular story that I am working on and I am very grateful for you all!

A few weeks back I thought about doing a Taylor/Gail story with the baby but i decided that I would just add chapters of them in this one. So when its a Taylor/Gail chapter I am going to call it Stop Taylor Time... If you guys like it let me know and I will do more.

Thank you all again XOXO PPP

* * *

Here we go... Taylor's POV...

Stop Taylor Time:

Have you ever have one of those moments when everything clicks and feels right, even among the insanity? Those kinds of moments are rare, seldom to the point of non-existent but then Gail said she was pregnant I was blessed to have one of those moments bestowed on me. Here we were standing in the middle of Hurricane Dickhead and my sweet Gail tells me that she is having my baby. I never thought I would have more children, I never thought I would love a woman again, yet here I am pushing forty (okay thirty-seven but it makes Gail feel better when I say I am pushing forty), in love like a teenager about to be a father for the second time. In that moment when my arms wrapped around Gail's body and I could almost feel the baby everything became clear, I saw the next fifty years of my life spread out before me and I knew that I would be happy. I knew that we would be happy.

The first time I set eyes on Gail she was icing a cake in the kitchen at Escala. It was seemingly innocuous thing but watching her spread that frosting, well it was sexy as fuck. She was standing at the counter her pale blonde hair pulled into a twist, a black pencil skirt hugging her in all the right places, and apron tied around her waist and she was icing that cake like she knew I was watching her. Her hips swaying with each pass of the knife, licking her thumb.

I had just gotten the job for Grey after a lengthy vetting process: A level three background check, blood work, two signed NDA's and a three hour interview with a twenty two year old billionaire. I was expecting him to be a snide snotty over privileged little fucker but he was a quiet arrogant damaged little fucker instead.

When he showed me his "playroom" I understood the need for two non-disclosure agreements. This guy was a cluster fuck of crazy but I needed a job. My divorce had cleaned me out, the bitch monster from hell formerly known as Catherine Taylor made it her personal mission to exhaust all of our assets and then claim hardship. Grey was willing to pay me three times what I was making working security in the private sector. Granted he wanted me twenty four seven but it was worth it. In the end I could rebuild my wealth and provide for Sophie.

Grey was giving me a tour of his apartment and there she stood, licking chocolate off her thumb and I knew my life was about to change in more ways than one.

* * *

_"Mrs. Jones…" Fuck did he just say Mrs… as in married?! "This is my new head of security Jason Taylor." She lifts her head and focus away from the cake and see me for the first time. I think I can hear her inhale sharply but I wasn't sure. Gail smiles broadly, her blue eyes shining and extends her hand which I promptly take in mine. It's is small and soft and slightly sticky from sugar and her tongue. We touch and I feel this surge go straight to my dick. This is not good, this is work. I have to keep my junk in line. "Taylor this is my housekeeper Gail Jones."_

_"It's nice to meet you Mr. Taylor." Her voice is soft and kind, a sound I could listen to forever. I imagine her beneath me saying my name…What the fuck is happening? I don't have sappy silly thoughts. Pull your shit together Taylor, this is a co-worker. Gail is a no fly zone. Shut it down! It's a good thing I have a poker face because the sound my name coming from her chocolate scented lips makes my dick twitch._

_"It's just Taylor and it's a pleasure to meet you too Mrs. Jones." We gotta thing going on… Me and Mrs… Mrs… Jones…Awww fuck now I am going to have that stuck in my head all dammed day. _

_"If you have any allergies or preferences just let me know. I do my shopping on Sunday mornings but we keep a well-stocked kitchen here." Preferences, I have preferences…Shit. No fly zone. _

_"Mrs. Jones is the best cook in all of Washington." She blushes under her bosses praise and it pisses me off. I wonder if she has been literally under him, the kicky fucker. Somehow I don't think she is his type, thank Christ for small favors. I don't think I could stand the idea of being in this apartment and the two of them together in that red room of what the fuck. _

_"I am like a goat; if I can eat MRE rations then I can eat anything." I think she wants to ask me a question; she opens her mouth to speak and then stops herself turning away from me and to Grey. _

_"Good to know. Mr. Grey I have finished the cake for Mia's birthday. I am going to wrap it up. Don't forget to take it with you."_

* * *

I knew even then that I loved her; it hit me like a bullet. A burning, fiery pain tearing through my body. In an instant I felt devotion, lust, jealousy, desire and fulfillment all at once. It exploded inside of me like a warning flare stretching across the night sky over Baghdad. A woman like Gail could make you forget all that you have seen and done. A woman like Gail could wipe your slate clean and make everything alright. I woman Like Gail makes you want to stop the insanity and be a man, a whole man.

Since taking this job with Grey insanity has been my new norm, this man craves and breathes crazy and for the life of me I can't understand why. My childhood was no cupcake, my old man was fast with his insults and his fists, my mom drank a little too much, okay a lot too much. My early teens and twenties were spent in the desert killing people and married to the bitch monster from hell and you don't see me beating the shit out of sweet young girls. Although taking a belt to Catherine once or twice would have been a great idea, hindsight.

The shit I have seen and the messes I have had to clean up all in the name of his demons is crazy, lucky for him I signed two NDA's because I could write a book. Hell I could write three books all dedicated to the fucked-upness of my employer. Six years of subs and contracts, each and every one of them leaving angry or heart broken or both. Six years of Elena Lincoln and her Machiavellian shit, six years of BMSD clubs, you know what it's like trying to run a security detail in a place like that. The mess with Leila Williams, we are still trying to figure that one out. Six years of dealing with a twisted fucker like Grey can take its toll but Grey has another side too. He donates more then ten percent of his wealth every year to charity and universities. Not his company's wealth but his own personal money. GEH donates on its own too.

He has a soft spot for abused children, recovering addicts and the the hungry, millions of dollars every year sent to Africa in food and supplies. He is the silent benefactor for a woman shelter in Seattle, where they take in battered woman - ironic don't ya think? So for all his shit( and there is a boat load of shit) there is a god man in there and I am just hoping to all hell that Ana can set him on the right path but after what I saw today, my hopes are fading…fast. Ana was different from the start, she was not a sub that was as plain as the nose her face. She challenged him, pushed him and I respected that. Years of watching girls sit in the back of the Audi, eyes down, yes Sir… No Sir… It's fucking nauseating.

Ana has made him more human. They go to the movies, the supermarket, he plays with Olivia and the red room has been locked for months. Now don't get me wrong, a little kink never hurt anyone, I myself have a few things…nevermind. The point is fucking in all varieties is fun but you don't need a room dedicated to your dysfunction. The red room was more about Christian didn't want then what he did… you don't need to be a fancy shrink to figure that one out.

* * *

"Gail I don't feel right about leaving Ana alone with him." Gail had to pull me out of the kitchen even when Ana asked us to leave but I felt like she still needed a wall in between her and the crazy town. It took every ounce of self-control not to beat his smug ass into the floor today. I think of Ana like a sister, after watching that tape of her and Hyde I felt like it was my job to protect her, even if that means protecting her from Grey.

"She is going to be fine, Ana can handle herself and honestly Taylor the thought of you and Mr. Grey coming to blows is something I rather not see." The concern on her face makes my stomach drop and then it hits me again, Gail is having my baby.

"Gail…baby why did you tell me?" She blushes and tucks a stray hair behind her ear and damn it I have never wanted her more. I place my hands on her shoulders and push them under the thin cotton of her pajamas. Her smooth skin feels cool under the heat of my hands.

"I just found out for sure today, honestly Jay, I thought was going through my change. I was embarrassed. But then Ana heard me throwing up in the powder room yesterday and ran out with Sawyer to get me a test. I was shocked, I still am shocked. I never thought I would have children of my own…" Her eyes fill with happy tears as I wrap my arms around her.

"It's my super sperm…" She laughs into the crook of my neck and I can feel the tickle of her hot breath. "So Mrs. Jones when are we going to make you Mrs. Taylor?"

"Jason we don't have to get married just because we are having a baby."

"Uh, yeah we do… I have asked you how many times to marry me Gail… How many?"

"A few."

"And you always said what…"

"There is no reason to get married because we don't have kids…"

"Now that rule no longer apples… So I will ask you again… Mrs. Jones when are we going to make you Mrs. Taylor?"

"Jason we don't have to discuss this now do we?" She starts to stroke my cock through my sweatpants and I know she is using sex to distract me and I let her, I am just a man after all.


	34. Chapter 34

Hello everyone reading!

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* * *

Leaving Christian was harder than I ever thought it would be. It took a strength that I didn't even know I had but ultimately it was the best thing to do. It was the only thing to do because I was getting lost in love. I was lost in the hope and dream of us, the idea that I could save him, the rush I felt every time he looked at me. I was lost in the man that he was and the man I created in mind. I was lost in the couple we were and the couple I hoped we would one day become.

In such a short period time we fell in love, not the kind of love that will fade away over time. We fell in forever love; the most dangerous kind because forever is a very long time, even longer when you are as young I as am.

This is the kind of love that my mother always warned me about, the kind of love that changes you and shapes you and can break you just easily. I think about my mom and hope the kind of love she had with my birth father. Maybe that is why she is still searching for love after all these years, chasing the feeling she felt with him.

I needed some space and some time to get back to who I was before him. I wanted to get back to my core, the Ana Steele that was trying to figure out how to take on this crazy world and make myself a place in it. I needed to figure out how to love him and still be me amongst the crazed frenzy that always seems to surround us.

There was so much to contend, so many walls and barriers, feeling and emotions. Christian's sorted past full of women like Leila and all the others that were contracted to please him but love him. Then there was Elena who has yet to truly reveal herself but I believed to be the core of his destruction. His birth mother and the man who branded Christian beautiful mind and body with scars that will never truly heal My limited past was rearing its ugly head too; Jack Hyde and his evil looming, watching and waiting for a moment to strike. Jose and me and whatever crossed wires got in the way of our friendship.

Even the good things get in the way; his family, Olivia and our growing attachment, his empire and all the stress and worry it generates along with dollar bills. It was all too much, the good the bad mixing and blurring until it all becomes – Grey.

So I did what I do…I left. Not too far and I took Kate with me but I ran. I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't think or breathe and I wanted to get off the rollercoaster that was Christian Grey. The up and the down over and over made me dizzy, it made me weak in the knees and I didn't want to fall. Even if I knew he would always be there to catch me I wanted to stand on my own. I needed to stand on my own.

He insisted that we stay in a small hotel a few minutes from his parents place. Taylor had done a full sweep and deemed it safe and secure. There had been a shift in Taylor since that day in the kitchen, a break in their bond and I fear that it will never mend. Gail and I have grown closer and in a way she has become the mother that I have always craved - Loving, kind, and steady. She told me that Taylor wanted to quit and go work for some guy in New York named Gideon Cross that has been trying to pilfer him out from Christian for years. She convinced him not to but even I can sense Taylor's discontent.

Kate and I checked in under different names and as sisters. Alice and Kathy Taylor. We keep calling Taylor dad much to his chagrin and faux annoyance but he really is that father figure to me and I know that he likes it. Sawyer was assigned to our "detail" and things were going well, he keeps his distance and does not try to manage us too much. Kate and I can't help but tease him about his love life and his hair, really whatever we can. He loving calls us AK47, and wakes us at four in the morning as payback for our "treachery". Sometimes he really is a jerk.

So five days in the hotel have felt like a vacation, an oasis in the desert. It was Friday and I was feeling uncertain about thing with Christian and I. We saw each other every morning when Taylor came to pick me up for work but he was cold and distant but that was probably my fault I had pulled away from him all week. Our sentences were clipped our physical proximity was as far as the limo would allow. We had lunch together a few times in his office, I read and he was on his cell texting, there was no much to say but nothing to say at the same time. I would ask about him about his mother and his past but the only thing he would really open up about was his business. We dinner with the family too, but most of my time was spent with Olivia and at the end of the night I would go back to the hotel alone. I don't know why I am uninterested in having sex with him right now. The last time we were together was amazing; the best ever even despite Elliott's comedic intrusion but I feel like all the sex clouds my good judgment and I need to see clearly. I was not kidding when I told him all those months ago that I couldn't think when he was touching me. So I have been focusing on work and Olivia and getting to know Christian, really know him. Asking questions and really hearing the answers.

I hated to admit how little I really knew about this man I gave myself so wholly to, I realized that the moment he ordered me to terminate our would have been pregnancy. I knew he was not ready for a child in our present but up until that moment I believed in the possibility of one or maybe two in our future. Now I was not so sure and I began to weigh my love for him versus the love I hoped to have one day with my children. I can't imagine the state of us if I would have been pregnant; the thought keeps me up at night.

I got into the office early; the week had been crazy with Peyton first project launching. It was so exciting to be on the front lines of a project like this. She had found a local writer through an agent friend of hers. The book was a revelation and I couldn't put it down, the story of a woman in a coma and her inner voice as she tries to pull herself out of it while reflecting on her life. It's called _Through Yonder Window Breaks_ and I am proud that this will be Grey Publishing's first book.

Peyton was making a trip to New York on Monday to meet with the author and for a conference. She needed all hands on deck. I was working long impossible hours but the time flew. It was wonderful working for a woman who wanted to teach me, I didn't have to worry about any lines being crossed or if she was looking down my blouse. I didn't have to feel unsafe or unsure; I knew that my work and my dedication were the only things she was looking for.

I was sitting at my desk sipping my afternoon cup of tea when his email came through. It was the first one I had received all week but truth be told I didn't send him one either. I felt that familiar feeling of butterflies in my belly and took a moment to calm those feelings before I opened his message.

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Surprise

Date: April 23 2013 04:23

To: Anastasia Steele

Ana,

I know things have been strained between us this week and I am so sorry for all that has happened. I think we need a break from all the crazy so I have a surprise for you. I think you are really going to like what I have planned for the weekend. I will pick you up tonight at the hotel around eight. Pack light bag for a casual weekend.

Christian Grey

CEO and trying to be Best Billionaire Boyfriend in all the Land

Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

From: Ana Steele

Subject: Surprise?

Date: April 23 2013 04:33

To: Christian Grey

Mr. Grey,

You know I love surprises but can I get a small hint as to where we are going?

And I am sure Sir Richard Branson is a wonderful billionaire boyfriend too.

Best,

Ana "Lucky and She Knows It" Steele

Administrative Assistant to Peyton Forbes

Grey Publishing

Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Nice Try

Date: April 23 2013 04:35

To: Anastasia Steele

Ana,

If I give you a hint it won't be a surprise. If you are worried about packing you need jeans, sneakers and things of that nature.

And Branson ain't got nothing on me baby…

Sir Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

From: Ana Steele

Subject: Surprise?

Date: April 23 2013 04:40

To: Christian Grey

Sir Grey,

Stubborn as ever, fine I will pack like a lumberjack. See you at eight.

Have you been knighted now?

Best,

Ana Steele

Administrative Assistant to Peyton Forbes

Grey Publishing

Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

Some time alone away from everything was just what we needed, a break with each other. I could not keep the goofy grin off my face as I read and re-read his emails over and over. Peyton called me into her office around five, which was not unusual and I plopped down in the chair before her desk with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

"What has you all shiny and happy Steele?"

"Christian is talking me away for the weekend." She smiles broadly and leans back in her chair.

"And where is prince un-Charming taking you?" I can't help but giggle at her nickname for Christian, and it suits him.

"Don't know, it's a surprise."

"Hmm, I surprise eh, well make sure he has you back by eight a.m. on Monday because you are coming to New York with me."

"What?"

"You heard me - I need you there, for my sanity of nothing else." I feel this flutter of panic in my chest and it must read on my face. "Ana, it's going to be fine. I know you had a situation with Hyde in New York…"

"Christian told you?"

"Not the details just that something happened."

"He is not going to like me going on a trip."

"Probably not, but like I told you that very first day you work for me."

* * *

So it fucking sucks that Ana is staying at a fucking hotel when she should be with me, I know I have only myself to blame for the cluster fuck my life has become but a week without sex is cruel and unusual. I don't know if she is just mad at me or just not in the mood but when I try and touch her she pulls away and all she wants to do is talk. She wants to talk about my birth mother and Elena and my subs and Leila. She wants to talk about my business deals and Olivia and Grey Publishing. She won't talk about putting her engagement ring back on, or if we are actually going to get married, she won't talk about coming back to my parent's house either. I haven't even told her about the house that I bought – for us mind you and it is burning a hole in my fucking brain. I mean I already have the decorator working her magic and it will be ready in a matter of weeks and Ana still has no clue.

I'm hoping and praying that Flynn is right and doing some normal things together will stabilize our relationship. He said that the whirlwind that occurred has taken us both off balance and we need to find a new normal. Normal is not really my wheelhouse but I am going to give it the old college try, only I dropped out of college. Fuck.

I sat for a few days trying to figure out how to be normal, I mean what the hell do I know about normal relationships. Then I remembered something that Ana had said to me about how I had never met her mother or father, meeting the parents is a normal rite of relationship passage, I googled it.

I called up Ray Steele much to his surprise, we had never spoken and there was a moment when I was not even sure he knew of my existence. It was a relief when he called me the fiancée. I asked if Ana and I could come up and spend the weekend with him and he happily agreed. Ray even liked the idea of surprising Ana. I arranged for the Charlie Tango to be up and ready to go, Taylor would drive ahead and meet us there. I wanted to show Ana Mount Rainier before we got to Montesano; the view from the sky was simply breathtaking. I know, not really a "normal" thing to do but I don't want to waste the chance for her to see it as the sun begins to set.

I got to her hotel around eight and of course I have a key, so does Elliott for that matter. I make my way to what Ana is using as her bedroom and my heart stops in my chest. Ana is in her bra with her back to me sitting at the edge of the bed, her arms outstretched behind her supporting her weight. Her legs are wide open and from my angle all I can see in Kate strawberry blond head between her thighs and everything goes hazy after that. I have always felt that Kate had more than just feelings of friendship for Ana but never in a million years did I think this would be going on. Ana is breathing heavy, I can see the rise and fall of her shoulder blades and she is moaning softly.

"Ana, just relax…"

"I am trying Kate…"

"It's really fucking deep, does it hurt?" Ana lets out a sharp moan and despite what I am watching it goes straight to my cock.

"Ahhh…Fuck…Kate it's running down my leg. Quick…"

"Oh baby… let me kiss it and make it better." My stomach twists in knots. Over the years I have had my fair share of three-ways but watching the woman I love betray me with her best friend – again is just too much to take. I turn on my heel to leave but then Ana cries out and clenches the bed cover in her fists and a surge of anger runs through me followed by an equally powerful surge of lust.

"Owww… don't kiss it Kate… blow…" I can see Kate's head bobbing and hear the release of air as she blows. Ana's entire body tightens and I can't see her face but I know she is biting her lip.

"Damn it Kate, you just can't poke at it like that, it hurts.

"Ana, do you want me to get Elliott, he is better at stuff like this then I am?" All the air leaves my body…What the fuck Elliott!

"No… You're doing fine just keep going. Christian will be here any minute." Oh, nice to be remembered. This is the last fucking straw. I am done with the love shit, done. All loving Ana has done is made me bat shit crazy. No wonder she has not been fucking me… she has been fucking Kate and maybe even Elliott for all I know… and if she thinks…

"Ana, I think you might need stitches."

Wait, what? Stitches…

"No… Just put the band-aid on. Chris has a surprise for me and I don't want to spoil it because I can't walk two feet without falling over."

Oh thank Christ… Ana fell… she is not fucking Kate or Elliott or Kate and Elliott. I feel my heart start to beat again and the feeling of anger is replaced with the feeling of foolishness. I feel like I am trapped, I am not sure if I should make my presence known or leave and come back.

"I feel like this is my fault… I make you try those heels on."

"This is your fault! Why you would make me try on five inch heels I will never know!"

"Well you said that you and Christian have not had any sexy time… I though the heels would help."

"We are so beyond heels Kate…" Yeah, I am staying right where I am. "I mean, we need trust and compromise and respect. Sex and heels are not going to solve our problems." Ana stands up and limps towards the chair pulling a dress over her head. She turns and sees me stating in the hallway and she smiles broadly, and I can actually feel how happy she is to see me.

"Baby what happened?" I make my way to her, resting my hands on her hips and sit her on the bed as I inspect Kate's handy work.

"I fell, in heels… right into the edge of the glass coffee table."

"It was my fault Christian; I made her try on the damn heels."

Normally I love any opportunity to put Kate in her place but right now I am so fucking grateful that she was not finger fucking my girlfriend I let her off with a harsh look. I kneel in front of her and gently peel away the freshly applied bandages. I inspect the wounds and rest my hands on her warm thighs. It had been a week since my hands of touched her like this and I can feel the current run from my body to hers.

"It's deep baby and you are going to have a bruise but I don't think you need stitches. Does it hurt badly?"

"It's fine. I am used to it. Just give me a minute and we can go." She gently removes my hands from her thighs and walks to the bathroom closing the door behind her. All I can do is watch her walk away.


End file.
